Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.

[rsadelle]

So, I run this list. It's not the only Metallica slash out there. There are people on metslash who aren't on the list that dare not speak its name, and vice versa. There are some people on both lists. Most of the people who are no mail and/or lurkers on metslash are on both lists. Most of the people who post fic are only on metslash.

Every time I remind people about our archiving policies, I remind them that crossposting is okay. It is possible to post a fic to a list without granting archiving permission. I know that some of the people on both lists are writers. I know that some of them are extremely good writers. I know that they've posted fic to the other list. And yet, with the exception of one author and one story by a second author, none of them post to metslash.

Why not?

Is it because we don't automatically jump up and down and say, "Oh, you're so wonderful, that was the best story ever, when are you writing the sequel?" to every piece of fic that gets posted? Is it because I actually dare to say what I don't like about fic? I only wish someone would critique my fic the way I've critiqued other people's fic. Well, the more recent stuff anyway; I know just how bad some of my older fic is. Isn't that far more useful to you as a writer than unconditional praise for every word you write?

Or perhaps, like one person who recently unsubbed, they don't like it that I dare say that I don't like some of the writing and list policies of the other list. Apparently the fact that all three S's and various other people from the other list have said extremely negative things about metslash and me in their journals and journal comments is completely irrelevant.

Not that I'm bitter.

Comments

[rsadelle]

Just because you're friends with Spooky doesn't mean you can't hang out with us. It's not like metslash chat is the official bitch about Spooky club. We have more interesting things to talk about, like how many celebrities we think Lars has fucked.

As for fic posting, as Melle always likes to say, "You are not your feedback." I do read everything that comes across metslash, and I'm sure there are other people who do as well. I only write feedback when I feel like I really have something to say about a story, and usually only when I have a lot to say about a story. Part of the point of metslash's existence is that no one is forced to post or to feedback, and no one is made to feel guilty if she doesn't write feedback. That doesn't mean we don't read things that are posted. I really can't speak for anyone else, but I would love to see more of your writing. I did read a dues story you had in your journal one day, and I was going to respond to it, but, by the time I got back from class, it was gone (unless the whole thing was a figment of my imagination in the first place). I'm not saying that just to placate you; it really is true.

[absolutelyvile.livejournal.com]

It disappeared because I was paranoid... I have non-slash friends who read my LJ and I don't like for them to see my writing :)

The point isn't that I was desperate for feedback. Its just that I literally had no idea whether or not anyone had read it.

I think I have a unique position in the fic world. I am not my feedback. However, there is a valid reason for feedback, especially for me- I think that "I write for myself" philosophy is rather false. I write for others. There is no reason for me to pen down the novels already in place in my mind, I can refer to them at any time. I only write out my ideas for others. And if I have no audience, I have no need to type it.

In the sense that my purpose for writing is different than that of a lot of other slash writers, feedback is essential- it is what fuels my writing. I also don't believe that people should be forced to write feedback. It just so happens that I really feel no need to write except to entertain others or, in rare cases, to share particularly interesting ideas I have. I'm selfish- I like to keep my stories in my head to refer to on my own. Posting a story is like posting a piece of myself that, if no one replies to or acknowledges, leaves me open for no reason.

Did that make sense? I'm not sure anyone is going to be able to understand my philosophy, especially when I'm having such trouble wording it correctly *G*

[rsadelle]

I sort of get what you're saying. As I said before, whether or not I acknowledge it, I do read everything that comes across metslash. And keep in mind that I'm only one of 56 people on metslash. As far as I know, only about ten people are on both lists. That leaves about 45 people on metslash who are hungry for any and all Metallica slash and for whom metslash is their only resource. If you post it, they will read. ;)