Ruth Sadelle Alderson

Summary: Tanya and Heather negotiate a loan.

Notes: Tanya and Heather are the main characters in this story; skip it if that's not your thing. Title from Meryl Streep: "There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation."

Story on AO3


( No Road Map )

Plot bunnies! I am never going to write any of these things, but if you write one, you should tell me about it so I can go read it.

Note: Some of these involve real-life non-celebrity partners, and I was too lazy to separate those out into their own section, so just consider yourself forewarned.

( Briouxs and Briere and/or Giroux related (plus bonus Sidney Crosby) )

( Tylers and/or Tyler related )

( Miscellaneous )

Sidney Crosby and the Russians Who Love Him

Fandom, take note: this man is not a robot:

( Picture )

I have to admit that I can barely handle this picture. Look how absolutely delighted he is to have that child in his arms. You know who else loves kids?

This guy:

( Geno! )

Also, this guy:

( Ovi! )

Where is the nanny AU where Sid has a baby and hires Geno or Alex to be the kid's nanny?


Danny Briere (with bonus Taylor Hall, Tyler Seguin, Scott Hartnell, and Claude Giroux)

Whatever, like I was going to make a hockey post without including him. First, let's watch this:

( Video )

This is the video I tell people about when I'm trying to describe how unintentionally dirty hockey is. Barely legal draft prospects Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin visit the Flyers locker room where Danny tells them how hard or soft he likes his sticks and how many he goes through in a season. And then Tyler Seguin can't keep himself from commenting about how tiny Danny is.

The only bad thing about that video is that it's during playoff season, which means Danny has terrible facial hair. So let's look at him in the adorable hats the Flyers had for the Winter Classic:

( Adorable hat! )

And while we're on the subject of the Winter Classic, I may have watched this video a very large number of times today:

( Video )

It's titled "Flyers See Winter Classic Ice," but is actually just Scott Hartnell and the Briouxs checking it out. Hartsy greets all five of them with, "Hey, Brieres."


Carts+Richie 4-EVER (with bonus Staals!)

This gif floated around tumblr recently:

( Carts and Richie making hearteyes at each other. )

Mostly, it makes me want a college AU, but I can't say why it reads that way to me. Also, it comes from this video:

( Video )

The best thing about this video is that nearly all of the dialogue is just the Staals chirping people. Best Scandinavian trolls.


Tyler Seguin's House of Bros

I really mean it when I say that Segs and his husband and boyfriends are making my whole summer better.

First, his husband was upset that Segs and the dog were napping without him:

( Picture )

Then Segs took his other other boyfriend to see Magic Mike:

( Picture )

And then slept on him in public:

( Picture )

Also, it appears that someone in that house is sleeping in a bed with pink blankets:

( Picture )

Really, how does this kind of thing happen in real life?


Danny Briere's (ex?-)Husband's New Boyfriend

Let's just start with pictures of that time Claude Giroux took Paul Bissonnette as his date to the NHL Awards:

( Claude and Biz on the red carpet )

And lest you think that's fangirl exaggeration, allow me to assure you that every interviewer they met on the red carpet called Biz Claude's date, in those words. And then there's the video that the screencaps above come from. You may need a minute to prepare yourself for this. Keep in mind that it includes this exchange:

Alyonka Larionov: I'm just wondering, how did this relationship start?
Claude: I don't even know. When's the first time we met?
Biz: It's complicated.
Claude: My status on Facebook, "It's complicated."

Yeah, that happens:

( Let's go to the video tape. )

And don't forget the first red carpet interview where they talk about how they were hanging out together in Montreal when they decided Biz should be Claude's date:

( Video )

You have no idea how much I want Claude/Biz fic. And the fact that no one wants to break up Claude and Danny isn't going to stop me from talking about it. Possible plot bunnies:

The one where Danny's straight and Claude is not: Claude's young, but he's not completely stupid. He knows falling in love with an older straight man who already has a family isn't going to end well for him, so he moves out of Danny's house, gets his own place, gets over Danny, and hooks up with Biz.

The other one where Danny's straight and Claude is not: Danny really is just a friend. Claude tends to just hook up with people, and then he starts hooking up with Biz.

The one where they're poly: Claude and Danny have an open relationship. Possibly they're monogamous during the season and free to do whatever (or whomever) they want during the summer. This summer, Claude spends a lot of time hooking up with Biz.

The one where they fall in love: Biz is not into relationships. He just likes sex. And then there's Claude, and he thinks it's just hooking up. (This would be like that Taylor Hall/Ryan Whitney story with the part of Taylor Hall played by Claude and the part of Ryan Whitney played by Biz.)

The one I'm most likely to write: Claude and Biz casually hooking up in varying cities. (If I end up writing it, it's probably just going to be a sex scene that hinges on Claude asking, "Can I fuck you this time?" and Biz finding that he really likes being fucked.)

Summary: Five times Sid and Jordan made out.

Notes: For lakeeffectgirl, who encourages this sort of thing. Title from Ella Fitzgerald's "A Kiss Goodnight." Section heading sources in the end notes.

Story on AO3


( Leads to Another Kiss )