Let's Talk About Endearments

[rsadelle]

Coworker L's partner A now works for us. I've heard L start to call A "sweetie" or a diminutive version of A's name more than once. This is what originally got me thinking about the use of endearments, and then I asked for endearment suggestions for something I was writing and got back the same answer from three different people - and it was an answer that doesn't feel right to me for the story. I did not grow up in an endearment-using household. My mom will sometimes call us "kiddo" or "sweetie" and one of my grandmothers used to call us "kid," but that's about it. For myself, I'm most likely to use endearments when talking out loud in response to a TV show or celebrity interview ("honey," "sweetheart," etc., and usually in an "Oh, honey, no" sort of context) or with small children who I will call "kiddo." A quick google didn't lead me to any useful research on the usage and prevalence of endearments (surely some linguist has studied this), which means I'm going to rely on anecdotal evidence from you. So talk to me about endearments! Do you use them? Did you grow up in a family that used them? Do you hang out with people who use them? Have you noticed patterns in how people use them/who uses them? Would you expect people from different regions to use different endearments? What about people in different professions or in different socioeconomic circumstances? Would you expect men and women use different endearments? Have I used the word "endearments" so many times that it's now lost all meaning?

Comments

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

I use and abuse terms of endearment.

Growing up, my (white, working class, mid-Western) dad called my mom "Honey" or "Honey-head" considerably more often than by her actual name. He still does. He called us "Kiddo" or "Punkin'" or "Sweetie" (though, thinking back, my brothers only got Kiddo. My sister and I got the other two as well), or by a nickname. For reasons I have never understood, my nickname was Loofus-tater, and variations thereof. I turned 34 last month and my brother texted me "Happy B-Day, Loofey!" My mom actually didn't and doesn't use terms of endearment much at all.

I call my husband: Baby, Baby Doll, Darlin', and by a diminutive of his name.

I call my son: Kiddo, Little One (regardless of the fact that he is an inch and a half taller than I now), Punkin', Punkin' Pie, Kidling, Boyo, and by a diminutive of his name. He vetoed Kidlet, so I don't call him that anymore.

My (Chicano, middle class, Southwestern) husband calls me by my actual name, a diminutive of my name, or sometimes "Baby."

I work with several relatively wealthy, educated white men. One calls his wife "Kid" or by a nickname (which is Toots, and it's used by friends and family as well) pretty much all the time. Another calls his wife "Skoo" and uses that nickname to label other things related to her (like, her car is the Skoo-mobile).

A (white, working class, Californian) woman that I worked with always calls her husband either "Babe" or by his name. He refers to her the same way, either "Babe" or her name.

My (Chicano, middle class, Southwestern) in-laws don't use terms of endearment often. At least, not in front of me. My mother-in-law lengthens her husband's actual name (Freddy) into "Frederico," but that's pretty much it.

[rsadelle]

Wow, this is so fascinating and informative. Thank you! "Honey-head" is a new one to me.

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

To be fair, my dad is the only person I've ever heard use it, but he uses it a lot.

[megyal]

My family doesn't use endearments, but nicknames/abbreviations. I think it's a cultural thing where I live, although female strangers can call each other 'dear' or 'sweetie', and men might call women Mommy or Auntie. And Daddy and Uncle for older men, regardless of blood relation.

My mum is Jay-Yu, from the first two letters of her name. My brother is Deeps, from us saying D.P for his initials and it sliding that name. My sister has a LOT of nicknames: Skip, Shirley, Charley, Punkinhead or a diminuitive of her real name. My brother is an excellent nicknamer, in that when he names someone, it sticks.

I actually am the only one without a nickname! Sometimes we call our brother Baby Hulk.

[rsadelle]

This is all so interesting! And in all the time of reading your family stories, I never knew why your brother was Deeps.

[lakeeffectgirl.livejournal.com]

I also didn't grow up in an endearment-using household, aside from my mom's usage of "Molly, honey!", which lead to my sister calling me "Honey" for years. There wasn't any "sweetie, time for dinner!" sort of stuff at my house.

I work in a department with mostly men, and I really think in a mostly-male environment, nicknames function as endearments. We all have about eight nicknames per person (hey, it's like hockey!), but while the women in my office will use endearments towards each other (our bus driver calls everyone "kiddo" and "babe"), the guys don't. There will be a lot of cross-gender "Hi, honey!" "Hey, baby!" type of stuff, but it's always said in a goofy tone, like we're in no way using it as a romantic endearment.

[rsadelle]

Yeah, my mom doesn't call us "kiddo" or "sweetie" on a regular basis.

Huh, that's an interesting observation. There aren't many nicknames or endearments at my work. The only two I can think of are H-Dog, which sometimes gets shortened to HD (I have no idea why no one else gets the [Name/Initial]-Dog treatment since the other person who was that doesn't work there anymore), and HH[Initial], which stands for Hot Head [Name].

[lakeeffectgirl.livejournal.com]

It might be more a law enforcement thing - we definitely didn't do that at any of my other jobs.

[rsadelle]

Maybe it's an environment of mostly men thing?

[lakeeffectgirl.livejournal.com]

Entirely possible!

[allegram.livejournal.com]

Definitely come from an endearment house, used both by Dad and us girls (Will's never informal enough to use them I think, though he occasionally uses some nick-names; he sometimes calls me ah-ah), though a lot of the endearments end up doubling as nick-names (Like my dad calls me boobalette, which started out as an endearment but by the time the other kids were born was just for me. And my mom calls my brother sweet boy, and "my sweet boy". My great-aunt was called Toots so often that I was 18 before I discovered that wasn't her actual given name! )

We've got hon, honey, sweetheart, sweetie, babe, kiddo, etc. And then others less usual, "the mahmoo", sack of potatoes, little monkey, sugar-plum, buttercup.

Also I use Daddy and Mommy in place of Dad and Mom in situations when I might use endearments with other people.

Regional variations that I can think of def. include my sweet, sugar, darlin', darling, baby girl, and muffin...

[rsadelle]

This is all so interesting!

[stevie-roch.livejournal.com]

There were very few endearments used my house. My mom never used them. My dad used some with me, which decreased as I got older. He called me "Boo" a lot, which was actually his grandmother's nickname, and when I was born he felt like it fit me. But now he doesn't use it much.

The only way I generally use endearments is as a condescending sort of device. Some examples are: kiddo, honey, darling (rarely anymore), sweetie. I typically use these when I'm talking down to someone, but not in an angry way? It's very much like the "oh, honey, no" sentiment.

Other than that, the only other exposure I have to endearments is Brad sometimes calls me "darling" when I'm upset about something. It comes across as if he's trying to soothe me with it.

[rsadelle]

Oh, dear. Now I remember telling you I kept having to stop myself from calling you "kiddo." I promise I meant it as a sincere endearment and not in a condescending way!

I was having trouble imagining Brad using endearments, but he calls me "Ruthie" sometimes, which I suppose has the same intent behind it.

[reni-days.livejournal.com]

this is such an interesting topic to me, it is causing me to delurk.

i didn't grow up in a house where endearments were used. i had a nickname, and so did my youngest sister, but the middle sister never did, and the nicknames were shortened forms of our name--in fact, i go by mine exclusively to this day.

that said, i am a nanny and very much prone to using endearments. it feels natural to me--i used them with my sisters when they were small (mostly "kiddo" and "bean"--don't ask where that one came from, though it is still how my youngest sister is listed in my phone.) i use them with the boys i care for now ("kiddo" again, and "monster" or "demon." their mother cheerfully calls them both "heathen." i call the little one "bro" constantly.)

i also use them with certain friends, though not with others, and i'm not sure what makes the difference. i've got one friend who is four years older than me whom i exclusively call "kid," and one i have never referred to by anything short of her full first name. my ex and i both used "baby" when speaking to each other, but not in a cloying or sentimental way, and it never sounded at all weird in context. another of my exes i never used any nicknames or endearments for at all, and it annoyed me deeply when he would refer to me as "dear" or, worse, "pooh bear."

i think, for me, sincere endearments that fall naturally into use are generally acceptable and well-received. it's a lighthearted and familiar way of expressing fondness and affection, which is always a good thing.

that said, a lot of people tend to force it, for reasons i don't understand--either to be cute, like the ex that tried to call me pooh bear, or to somehow play to a crowd. that's always offensive and grating to me, even when they're not being used in a deliberately condescending way, like the 'oh honey, no,' example.

it's weird that in fic, there are almost no circumstances in which i find endearments to sound natural except between an adult and a child, considering how many of them i actually use. but they are nearly never written in a way that feels natural or organic, so they end up making my teeth itch, especially during sex scenes.

wow. /longwinded. sorry, apparently i had a lot of opinions. /o\

[rsadelle]

This is all so fascinating to me - I'm glad you delurked to talk about it!

Your perspective on endearments in fic is really interesting. I think I mostly use endearments in fic in a (friendly) joking way - "hey, baby," kind of things where they're not together/using it in a serious way - (I'd have to go back and look at a bunch to be sure), probably because I don't use them in real life myself. (My other related thing is people using each other's names in dialogue. I write that way, and it's an accepted thing, but I almost never use people's names in conversation with them.) My particular fic need was for something intimate one character calls the other in a sex scene (which I didn't make clear in my initial request and then everyone suggested "babe"). I may end up just having him use the guy's first name since he spends the rest of the story calling him the nickname version of his last name.