Ruth Sadelle Alderson

this is such an interesting topic to me, it is causing me to delurk.

i didn't grow up in a house where endearments were used. i had a nickname, and so did my youngest sister, but the middle sister never did, and the nicknames were shortened forms of our name--in fact, i go by mine exclusively to this day.

that said, i am a nanny and very much prone to using endearments. it feels natural to me--i used them with my sisters when they were small (mostly "kiddo" and "bean"--don't ask where that one came from, though it is still how my youngest sister is listed in my phone.) i use them with the boys i care for now ("kiddo" again, and "monster" or "demon." their mother cheerfully calls them both "heathen." i call the little one "bro" constantly.)

i also use them with certain friends, though not with others, and i'm not sure what makes the difference. i've got one friend who is four years older than me whom i exclusively call "kid," and one i have never referred to by anything short of her full first name. my ex and i both used "baby" when speaking to each other, but not in a cloying or sentimental way, and it never sounded at all weird in context. another of my exes i never used any nicknames or endearments for at all, and it annoyed me deeply when he would refer to me as "dear" or, worse, "pooh bear."

i think, for me, sincere endearments that fall naturally into use are generally acceptable and well-received. it's a lighthearted and familiar way of expressing fondness and affection, which is always a good thing.

that said, a lot of people tend to force it, for reasons i don't understand--either to be cute, like the ex that tried to call me pooh bear, or to somehow play to a crowd. that's always offensive and grating to me, even when they're not being used in a deliberately condescending way, like the 'oh honey, no,' example.

it's weird that in fic, there are almost no circumstances in which i find endearments to sound natural except between an adult and a child, considering how many of them i actually use. but they are nearly never written in a way that feels natural or organic, so they end up making my teeth itch, especially during sex scenes.

wow. /longwinded. sorry, apparently i had a lot of opinions. /o\