Art is why I get up in the morning.
Mar. 20th, 2005 01:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rsadelleNote: This started as a response to part of Molly's comment, but it got too long.
I haven't really looked for a beta reader recently, so I don't know if it really is harder. I have a couple of issues around finding a beta.
One is that I feel guilty asking someone to beta. Because I'm not willing to do any more than a fairly casual beta for anyone else, and I don't even run any archives anymore, I feel like if I ask someone to beta, I'm taking something from the community without giving anything back. (I don't think of the fic as giving back; I write it for me, not for the community.)
The other is that the casual read-through isn't really what I need. I'm really good with grammar, spelling, and punctuation, and I'm pretty good at making sure the details of the story don't contradict each other. What I need is something deeper than that. I need someone who knows the fandom to read it and tell me if it fits, if it's in character, and how I can make my writing better fit that fandom.
The bigger issue is this: Sometime in February, I decided that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to write. I love to do it. I don't care if I never, ever get published or make money off of it. I just want to do it, and I want to do it well.
And I need help.
I think this is part of my restlessness about making new friends. I need people whose perspective I don't already know. I need to stretch and grow, and I don't know how to do it on my own.
I also don't know how to find someone to help me. Again with the looking for new friends. I'm also struggling with the authority issue. I looked at the writing books at Barnes & Noble (I'm the kind of person who's more likely to Google than ask someone for answers), but with every one I thought, "Who the hell are you to tell me how to write?"
Of course, that's only partly an authority issue. It's also about pride, control, and fear. I don't like feeling like I'm wrong in any way; I need a strength-based approach to improving my writing. I don't like other people telling me what to do; I need to truly commit myself to the work it takes to change. I don't want anything to take away the joy I get from writing; I need to trust that I can change my writing without losing what I love about writing.
I haven't really looked for a beta reader recently, so I don't know if it really is harder. I have a couple of issues around finding a beta.
One is that I feel guilty asking someone to beta. Because I'm not willing to do any more than a fairly casual beta for anyone else, and I don't even run any archives anymore, I feel like if I ask someone to beta, I'm taking something from the community without giving anything back. (I don't think of the fic as giving back; I write it for me, not for the community.)
The other is that the casual read-through isn't really what I need. I'm really good with grammar, spelling, and punctuation, and I'm pretty good at making sure the details of the story don't contradict each other. What I need is something deeper than that. I need someone who knows the fandom to read it and tell me if it fits, if it's in character, and how I can make my writing better fit that fandom.
The bigger issue is this: Sometime in February, I decided that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to write. I love to do it. I don't care if I never, ever get published or make money off of it. I just want to do it, and I want to do it well.
And I need help.
I think this is part of my restlessness about making new friends. I need people whose perspective I don't already know. I need to stretch and grow, and I don't know how to do it on my own.
I also don't know how to find someone to help me. Again with the looking for new friends. I'm also struggling with the authority issue. I looked at the writing books at Barnes & Noble (I'm the kind of person who's more likely to Google than ask someone for answers), but with every one I thought, "Who the hell are you to tell me how to write?"
Of course, that's only partly an authority issue. It's also about pride, control, and fear. I don't like feeling like I'm wrong in any way; I need a strength-based approach to improving my writing. I don't like other people telling me what to do; I need to truly commit myself to the work it takes to change. I don't want anything to take away the joy I get from writing; I need to trust that I can change my writing without losing what I love about writing.