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If I'd written this as an actual story, the summary would have been, "Taylor's first Christmas break after her parents die."


After Mom and Dad died, Sid talked Taylor into going back to Shattuck instead of moving to Pittsburgh. She wasn't sure about it then, but a semester in and she thinks he was probably right about it being better for her. The familiarity, and not having to make new friends, is nice. She refused to go to either set of grandparents for winter break, though. She told Sid to buy her a ticket to Pittsburgh or she'd figure out a way to get there by herself. She doesn't know exactly what made him agree, because he's stubborn enough that her threat might not have been it, but she got an email with her flight confirmation the next day.

Sid's on a road trip when she flies in, so Stephanie picks her up at the airport. They talk about school and hockey and boys on the drive to the Lemieuxs', all the same things they text about all the time, but it's different in person. They can tell longer stories.

Nathalie and Mario are both home when they get there, and they both hug Taylor tightly. They were there, at the funeral, and Taylor doesn't remember a lot about those long days of too many people and crying all the time, but she does remember that they were there for her and Sid, and they were supportive without trying to replace Mom and Dad. Taylor holds on a little longer than she normally would when they hug her now.

Taylor's been expecting to move over to Sid's house once he gets home - she could have stayed at his place on her own, but the grownups were weird about it - but they put her in her usual guest room and Nathalie mentions that Sid's going to stay with them until she goes back to school.

Taylor and all four of the Lemieux kids are on winter break, so even though they're hockey players who need to keep up with their conditioning, they stay up late the night Sid's coming home, spread out over the living room watching movies with bags of buttered microwave popcorn and bowls of ice cream.

They've eaten almost everything, and are quiet watching the screen, when Sid gets there. Taylor hears the front door open, because even though she's having fun, she's still waiting up for Sid, and she gets up, forgetting the movie and the Lemieuxs and the empty ice cream bowls, and goes to meet him in the entryway.

"Hi," he says.

"Hi," Taylor says. She goes in for a hug. The moment his arms are around her, she bursts into tears. She didn't know that was in her, and she cries for a long time, messy, choking sobs.

Sid hangs on, and she realizes when she starts to calm down a little bit that he's been crying too.

"I cried all over your coat," she says when she can talk again.

Sid looks down at it, and at her. "Doesn't matter," he says. He runs his hand over her hair. "Brush your teeth and I'll tuck you in." It's something he used to do when he came home when she was little. She was too old for it even then, but it was a nice ritual. It was their thing, he would come and sit at the edge of her bed and talk to her for a little bit until she started to fall asleep, and it was always a treat because he wasn't home that much.

Taylor nods and goes upstairs without going into the living room to say goodnight. The rest of them won't mind.

She brushes her teeth and splashes water on her face, then gets into bed, already in pajamas for the slumber party they were having downstairs.

Sid taps on her half-open door before he comes in. He's changed out of his suit into sweats with the Penguins logo down the side and a Pens t-shirt, and his eyes aren't as red anymore.

He sits down on the side of her bed and takes her hand. "Christmas is going to suck," he says. "I think they're all going to be hard, maybe for a really long time, but this is the first one, and it's going to be really bad."

Taylor would probably cry if she didn't feel all cried out. "I know," she says. "My therapist and I talked about it."

Sid nods. "My grief counselor" - funny, kind of, that he still can't call the guy his therapist - "and I did too." He sighs and deflates, like he's not trying to be strong for her anymore. "I've made a lot of mistakes this season."

"Hockey mistakes or not hockey mistakes?" In their world, it's an important question, and Sid smiles a little at her making the distinction.

"Both."

Taylor nods. "Yeah, me too." He knows about the time she let in three goals in the first period and got pulled for the rest of the game. She's not going to tell him about the guy she wasn't even sure she liked that much but slept with anyway.

"I don't think letting you come to Pittsburgh was one of them," Sid says.

"It wasn't." Taylor sits up and hugs him tightly. "We're our own family," she says into his shoulder. "We have to be together for Christmas."

Sid hugs her back. "I love you," he says.

Taylor nods against his shoulder. "Me too." She lets go of him and lies down, exhausted from being up so late and from crying all over him and from having to talk about how hard the holidays are going to be for them.

Sid smooths his hand over her hair and smiles at her. "Go to sleep. I'll still be here in the morning." It's the same thing he used to say when he tucked her in when he would come home, and even though she knows better now, it makes her world feel just as secure as it did then.

*

Taylor's not really doing anything, hanging out on the couch texting with Food Network on in the background, when Sid sits down next to her. He has his iPad with him, serious enough look on his face that Taylor puts her phone down and turns to face him.

"I've been working on a couple of things," he says. "This one's just so you know about it." He hands the iPad over, and she looks down at it, pauses at the name that jumps out at her, and then reads it carefully.

It's a press release, announcing the Troy Crosby Memorial Fund for Youth Hockey, to be administered by the Little Penguins program.

"I thought Dad would have liked that," Sid says when Taylor looks up at him.

"Yeah," Taylor says. "He would have."

Sid takes the iPad back. "This one's still a draft," he says. "In case you want to add to it."

Taylor takes a deep breath before she reads it. If the first one was about Dad, this one is probably about Mom. It is. It's a press release about the Trina Crosby Fund for Women's Hockey. Some of the money, it says, will go to the CWHL, some to college scholarships, some to hockey programs for younger girls.

"Really?" Taylor asks, looking up at him.

"Yeah." Sid puts his arm around her shoulders. "Mom joined the CWHL board for you. I thought we could continue that. I got some other guys involved, Kessel, Seguin, Sharp, guys with sisters or daughters."

Taylor puts the iPad down. She wraps her arms around Sid and presses her face into his shoulder. "Thank you."

Sid hugs her back, as tight as if she were one of his guys on the ice in pads. "I want you to get to play hockey as long as you can."

Taylor has to wipe her eyes when she pulls away. "You want me to add to this?"

"If you want," Sid says. "I thought you might want to add a quote about what it means to you or what it would have meant to Mom."

"Yeah," Taylor says. She picks up the iPad, and Sid sits with her while she figures out what to say and where to put it in the press release.

*



In the version of this story where Geno is around and it's eventually a Sid/Geno story:

Geno gives Taylor a giant stuffed penguin for Christmas. "Is for hug when sad," he explains.

"What about me?" Sid asks.

Geno grins and holds his arms out. "I'm penguin you hug when sad."

They all dissolve into giggles.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-03-23 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zvi likestv (from livejournal.com)
This was pretty but sad. I really love the little bit of Geno at the end. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2015-03-23 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This really handled grief beautifully. It was sad but well done.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-03-29 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
Oh, this is lovely. ;___;

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Ruth Sadelle Alderson

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