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Edit: The comments have made clear to me that I have done something I didn't want to and written a post that made people feel talked at. So this is a belated disclaimer: This post is about what I think about when I'm writing and what I think about this particular discussion in fandom. This is not a prescription for what you should do. I do believe the fandom as escapism approach is absolutely valid and useful, and I also go through periods of wanting just stories and no meta in between periods of wanting to tell you everything I think about meta topics. /edit

A very long while ago, [livejournal.com profile] inlovewithnight linked to a very interesting post about the question Why am I not writing the stories I say I want to read? In case you don't want to read the post, the question is specifically around the issue of saying we want more fic about women and poc characters but continuing to write slash about white men. ([personal profile] happydork phrases this entirely about her, but I'm using "we" deliberately because I think it extends beyond just her.)

For me, the one of her reasons that I'm actively changing in my own writing is the "habits of mind." She says, "There are comfortable ruts in my mind that any story I write can happily rest on. It takes me a long, long time to change these, and a lot of thought, insight and effort." But we can change them, and even if it takes a long time, you have to start somewhere. I've specifically, consciously been doing this around writing about women and gender roles. I'm sure I'm not always successful, but I have been making the effort. I specifically tried to avoid anything that referenced roles that were determined by gender in Fighting For (although I reread it somewhat recently and realized I missed one that needed to come out). I made an effort to make You Have My Heart (In Your Hands) pass the Bechdel test. When I edited A Great Idea to fix the sex scene, I also took out Andi's references to being "girly" as something she didn't want to be/like being.

Part of my resistance to editing my Gabe/Victoria accidental marriage story is that it's at least 40% about how Gabe doesn't sleep and Victoria gets him to - and I don't like the idea that a woman's role is to be in service to men. I've had people tell me that every relationship has its give and take, that if you have trouble sleeping it's easier with someone else in bed with you, and that one plot point is not necessarily a patriarchy-upholding pattern. And yet, I'm still uncomfortable with it. It may just be one plot point, but it's one plot point in the context of a society that tells us in a million other ways that women are supposed to serve men.

Now let's talk about the fandom reason and sex. In the last few things I've written where women have sex, I've deliberately been writing things different from what I'm accustomed to reading in fandom. I've said before that I have a deep rebellious streak that only manifests itself in fandom, and that's the first reason I've been writing different things. So many het stories have him go down on her, get her off, and then there's penetrative sex. So that's not how the sex goes in "You Have My Heart (In Your Hands)." That one's just a reaction to what other people are writing, but there's a deeper level to this. Years and years ago, a friend was worrying about how to write sex with female characters, and I told her she could always go with what she likes. But I've never really taken that advice myself; I've written my sex scenes along the patterns of what other people write. I've read enough complaints about "one finger, two fingers, three fingers, cock" that I know to mix up my m/m sex scenes, but we as fandom don't talk about girl!sex quite as much. A couple of months ago I was getting myself off and for some reason it occurred to me that at least one of the standard things you see in sex scenes about women doesn't do it for me. Since then, my sex scenes about women have been completely different. I don't know if they're working for anyone else, but I think it's a worthwhile exercise and I think stretching as a writer is a good thing.

This also connects in an interesting way (at least in my head and in my motivations for writing the way I do) with something [personal profile] thingswithwings said in a comment on happydork's post:
And you can't (or, okay, I can't) just write an aliens make them do it fic with female characters without pausing to wince at the different connotations it develops, compared to amtdi with male characters; similarly, lighthearted sex slave fic with characters of colour gives people pause. This isn't to say 'you just can't write these kinds of stories with these kinds of people!' but rather to say that perhaps sometimes we don't want to be reminded where our kinks (narrative or otherwise) for things like rapefic and slavefic come from (because imo it's not from stories about white men being raped or made into slaves).
I wrote a femslash hooker AU (Treat Her Right), and even though [livejournal.com profile] schuyler's original plot bunny was completely fluffy, the story came out significantly less so, and it was at least partially this. But the other way this plays out is in the same sex scenes I'm talking about above. On the one hand, I'm rebelling against fandom's sameness. On the other hand, fandom is rebelling against the dominant narrative about sex that involves women, particularly in het fic. So what I've been thinking about is: if I write a het story that defies the fannish pattern and skips straight to penis in vagina sex, am I just reinforcing the societal pattern of what we're told heterosexual sex is supposed to be? Is this what I really want to write - and what my characters really want to do - or is it coming from the part of me that has absorbed the messages we're all given about what heterosexual sex is supposed to be?

There's one more point in this discussion where you might have figured out what I think but I'd like to say it explicitly. In a comment on [livejournal.com profile] inlovewithnight's post, [livejournal.com profile] mosca said:
I think there's an additional wrinkle here, which is that there's so much "We have to write more women and people of color!" talk, that when one actually writes about a woman or a person of color (especially the latter), it's often seen as a political move rather than an actual expression of fannish affection for that character.
There's an implication in [livejournal.com profile] mosca's comment - and particularly in the fannish response it describes - that writing about a woman or a person of color as a political move is a bad thing. I don't think it is. Fandom isn't going to change unless we - the people who make up fandom - make that change happen. One way to make that change happen is to choose to tell stories based on the political change we want to make in combination with what interests us.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-06-11 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] idahophoenix.livejournal.com
The thing about posting your thinking is that if you've touched on something, people will react, one way or another. So, imo no need to apologize.

One of the things that is so interesting to me is that what gets me off about women is so different than what I respond to about m/m. Honestly, I think one of the sexiest things I've seen ever is the expression on Willow's face in the very first part of the youtube clip I just posted on my LJ. I mean, that does it for me in a really deep way and I think helps explain why I'm less drawn to reading f/f for the sex...although the story is another thing.

I know this is not responding directly to what you wrote--but it's because what you wrote sent me down a whole lot of interesting paths in my brain. This is why I do like meta stuff. And then I run a go read a good cracky kradam fic and my shallow self is all happy too. YES. I can have it all.





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Ruth Sadelle Alderson

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