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rsadelleMaster Post - Part 1
Third Trimester: August 2011
Their show in Seattle is amazing. Easily the best show of the tour. Every band is on, and the crowd loves them. Victoria comes off stage riding high on the adrenaline. More than high, really. More like super aware of her body.
"Now I know why people do this with someone else," she grumbles. "I am so fucking horny right now."
Gabe bursts into surprised laughter.
Nate smirks at her. "You're surrounded by men. Or we can find you a groupie."
"Fuck you," Victoria says.
"If you want," Nate slings back without missing a beat.
Victoria doesn't take him up on the offer.
What she does do is go to bed early and wriggle out of her clothes in the cramped space of her bunk. She's still completely aware of her body, the sensitive fullness of her breasts, the growing curve of her stomach, the heat of her cunt.
It's shocking, how fast she comes once she touches herself. She hasn't done this in a while; touring usually just makes her want to sleep once she's in a bed, and this tour she's been so focused on her body as the support system for her son that she hasn't been thinking about it in terms of sex.
The orgasm is good, but almost too fast for her to enjoy. She cups her hands around her stomach and whispers, "I hope you don't remember any of this," to the baby.
Victoria keeps just touching herself, stroking her hands over her body, not even trying to get herself off yet, just enjoying the touch. Every touch to her breasts feels like it's sending sparks all through her.
She touches with more intent, pressing firmer touches to the curves of her breasts and tracing her fingertips around her nipples. Her breasts are so sensitive that Victoria bites her lip to keep herself from moaning out loud and letting everyone else in on what she's doing.
She slides one hand down over the curve of her stomach and between her legs. She closes her eyes and pushes two fingers into herself, presses the heel of her hand against her clit.
It's not going to take long this time either.
She rocks against her hand, applies the barest of pressure to her nipple, fights not to make a sound.
Someone must open the door between the bunks and the lounge because there's a burst of sound: people talking, music, a video game, and Gabe's laughter cascading over everything else.
Victoria's whole body arches up into her hands as she comes. She gasps for air as quietly as she can, trembling with just how good it feels.
She wants to just curl into her pillow and sleep, but she knows that if she doesn't put her clothes back on, she'll regret it in the morning when she forgets and rolls out of her bunk naked, so she squirms back into her pajamas before she lets herself sleep.
*
They have a day off in Chicago. Victoria's pretty sure Gabe asked for it, and they have plans to meet up with The Academy guys for dinner.
Gabe goes with her to a doctor's appointment after a meal that's lunch for her and breakfast for him, and then asks, "Want to come with me to visit Bill?"
Victoria likes Bill, has spent a lot of time on tour with him, but they're not friends the way Gabe and Bill are. "I won't get in the way of whatever manly bonding you have planned?"
Gabe holds the door of the cab for her. "We were just going to hang out at his place, and he has a three-year-old who's into finger painting and tiaras. I don't think you'll be in the way." Gabe closes the door and goes around to the other side. "You in?"
"I'm in," she says, and Gabe gives the driver Bill's address instead of the venue. It's a bit of a drive, and Gabe spends much of it texting or doing whatever else he does with his phone. Victoria checks her messages and then looks out the window and watches Chicago pass by.
Bill's house is in a nice neighborhood, with children's toys in half the yards on the block, including his. Gabe pays the cab driver, and they walk up the path to the front door. The cushions on the porch swing match the house's paint.
Bill answers the door with a grin. "Gabe!" They hug for a long time, and then Bill reaches out for Victoria. "You came!"
Victoria's grinning, too, when Bill lets go of her and ushers them into the house. "Gabe said I wouldn't get in your way."
"Not at all." Bill takes them down the hallway into the living room. "We're glad to have you."
"Uncle Gabe!" A toddler who must be Genevieve hurls herself at Gabe, and he scoops her up easily.
"Mi amor!" Gabe kisses her cheek and turns her to Victoria. "This is my friend Victoria. Victoria this lovely lady is Genevieve."
She's a cute kid, with dark blonde hair and amazing bone structure, but Victoria wouldn't expect anything else.
"Nice to meet you," Victoria says.
Genevieve looks at her for a very long moment. "Hi," she says, and then she tugs at Gabe's shirt. "Come see my painting."
"Just a minute," Gabe says. "Let me say hi to your mom."
While Victoria's been meeting Genevieve, Christine's joined them. She steps around Bill to hug Gabe for long enough that Genevieve says, "Mommy," in as exasperated a tone as a three-year-old can produce.
Gabe draws back, and Christine turns to Victoria. "It's good to see you again." She hugs Victoria, too, a real hug instead of a brief touch, which is new. They don't know each other that well.
"You too," Victoria manages.
Christine steps back and says, "Go see Genevieve's painting. I'm going to take Victoria on a tour of the house."
Gabe and Bill go with Genevieve in one direction, and Christine takes Victoria in the other direction. While Christine chatters on about paint colors, furniture acquisitions, and portioning out separate spaces for herself and Bill, Victoria notices Genevieve's drawings on the fridge, the low shelves full of children's books, and the completely different scale of the furniture in Genevieve's room.
Christine ends the tour in her studio, which has a pair of chairs along with three easels, a desk, and a storage thing full of art supplies. "And that's the house."
"It's a great house." Victoria sits down and looks around at what is clearly an adult space. "Nice studio."
Christine smiles at her. "It's part of the reason we bought it. I would go crazy without a studio. Our old place didn't have enough space for this kind of thing. I was always picking baby socks out of my supply drawers." She leans forward. "Bill was on the road most of the time I was pregnant," she starts. "So I know what it's like to do this alone, even if you have some support."
"It's not that bad," Victoria says, unconsciously resting her hands over her stomach. "The boys are a lot of help." Which is true, even if it's mostly Gabe.
Christine doesn't look convinced. "So was my mom, but it was still hard." She holds out a hand. "Give me your phone. I'll give you my number. You can call me if you ever want to talk."
Victoria hands over her phone. "Thanks." Then something occurs to her, and when Christine hands her phone back, she asks, "Did Gabe bring me here just so you could give me your number?"
"He might have." Christine shrugs and pushes her hair back. "Bill says he's pretty excited about the baby. Are you excited?"
Victoria rubs her stomach. "Yeah." She grimaces. "Shit. I don't know what I'm doing. A baby, fuck. How hard is it, really?"
"Really fucking hard sometimes," Christine says. "And giving birth hurts like nothing else. But sometimes it's amazing, and I still can't believe I could ever love another person that much. Genevieve and Bill."
Victoria's hit with a sudden longing for what Christine has with Bill, someone to be there and love her and be the father to her kid. To her horror, she starts to cry, and can't stop.
Christine hands her a Kleenex, and then scoots her chair right up next to Victoria's and puts an arm around her.
Footsteps come down the hall toward them, stop, and go away again. Victoria keeps her head down and cries as quietly as she can. Christine just lets her and hands her another Kleenex when she needs it.
Different footsteps come down the hall - Gabe's this time - and come into the room. "Babe," Gabe says, crouching down in front of her, "what's wrong?"
Victoria feels a sudden rush of gratitude for Gabe, for him just being there, for him being there for everything, and it makes her cry even harder.
"Babe," Gabe says again, sounding helpless. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and presses as close as he can with the awkward angle.
Victoria keeps crying for what seems like a long time. When she trails off into the last sniffles, she pushes Gabe away.
"What was that about?" Gabe asks.
Victoria shrugs and scrubs at her eyes with the last Kleenex.
"You okay?"
Victoria shrugs again.
Gabe sighs and rests his hands on her knees. "Babe, you're freaking me out here."
Victoria can't help laughing, a weak, hiccuping thing. "I'm okay," she says. "I guess. It's just." She waves a hand.
Gabe presses a kiss to her forehead. "Everything's going to be okay." He pushes to his feet and holds out a hand. "Bill and Christine took Genevieve outside to the kiddie pool. You up for it?"
Victoria takes his hand and lets him pull her out of the chair. "Yeah, I think so. Just give me a minute." She goes into the bathroom where she splashes water on her face, wipes the mascara tracks off her cheeks, and fixes her makeup.
When she comes out, Gabe is leaning against the wall across the hallway from the bathroom. He puts his arm around her shoulders and walks her through the house and out into the backyard.
They really do have a kiddie pool set up, with a handful of plastic chairs half in it. Bill and Christine are in two of the chairs with their feet in the water while Genevieve splashes around in the pool itself. She's wearing the cutest swimsuit Victoria has ever seen. It has a pattern of giant purple flowers and a skirt.
Gabe holds Victoria's arm as she kicks off her shoes and steps into the pool to sit down next to Christine. Gabe takes the chair on her other side.
"Sorry," Victoria says to Christine.
Christine pats her arm. "I cried pretty much the whole seventh month," she says.
On the other side of her, Bill grimaces, which makes Gabe snort, and Christine turns to see the look and hits him on the shoulder.
"And then you got to go off on tour," she says to him, "while I just kept crying."
Bill takes her hand. "And by the time I got back, Genevieve was doing all the crying." He and Christine both look down at Genevieve playing with her floaty toys in the pool. The look on their faces is one of complete and utter love.
Genevieve seems to feel them watching her, because she looks up and grins at the attention. "Uncle Gabe, play with me." She holds out a fish. Gabe takes it and leans over to swim it through the water toward her.
Christine shakes her head. "That kid of yours is going to be so spoiled." She kicks her foot to splash water at Gabe. "You thought about names yet?"
Gabe doesn't look up, but he tips his head to the side so Victoria knows he's listening. He, along with everyone else she knows, has been suggesting names for months.
"It's a boy," Victoria tells her, "so I'm not naming him after you."
Gabe actually laughs at that, and says, "So we're telling people now?" still without looking up.
This time Victoria kicks water at him.
Bill says, "William is a nice boy's name."
"Or Christian," Christine says with a lazy grin.
"Tyler," Victoria surprises herself by saying. She's been thinking it, but she wasn't sure she was really ready to say it yet. "His name's Tyler."
Gabe curls his hand around her ankle under the water. "Tyler," he repeats. He lets go of her and commandeers one of Genevieve's boats.
"When you fall in," Victoria warns, because Gabe is leaning awfully far out over the pool, "I'm not going with you when you have to go back and change."
"I'll laugh," Bill volunteers.
Gabe ignores them and keeps pushing toys around with Genevieve.
Gabe doesn't actually fall in, and he, Victoria, and Bill stay outside and exchange news and stories when Christine takes Genevieve inside to change out of her swimsuit and have a snack.
"My mom," Christine explains. "She's coming over to watch Genevieve while we go out, and she hates it when she's still in her suit. Otherwise we just let her run around in it all afternoon as long as she stays off the carpet when it's wet."
When they go inside, Gabe and Victoria take the couch, Christine sits down in a rocking chair, and Bill wanders around picking things up and taking them to other rooms in the house.
Genevieve comes up to Victoria and just kind of looks at her.
Gabe picks her up and sets her down in his lap. "Victoria's going to have a baby," he explains.
"Like Mrs. Whiskers!"
"The neighbor's cat," Christine explains.
"Kind of like that, yeah."
"He's kicking," Victoria says. "Do you want to feel it?"
Genevieve looks up at Gabe and waits for him to nod before she reaches out toward Victoria.
Victoria takes her hand and puts it over where Tyler's been kicking the most. She can tell when he does it again hard enough to be felt, because Genevieve's eyes get really big and she squirms with her whole body.
"It kicked me!" Genevieve leans over to put both her hands on Victoria's stomach, and this time she jerks them both back and claps them together. "Mommy, it kicked me!"
"You used to do that," Christine tells her, "when you were in my tummy."
Genevieve looks at her mom and then Victoria with wide eyes. "Oh." She flings her whole body onto Victoria, her arms spread wide around Victoria's stomach.
Victoria oofs but says, "I'm okay," when both Gabe and Christine look like they're about to come to her rescue.
"He can hear you if you talk to him," Victoria tells her.
Genevieve looks up at her. "He can?"
Victoria runs her hand over Genevieve's hair. "He can. I talk to him all the time."
"What do you tell him?"
"All kinds of things," Victoria answers. "And your Uncle Gabe and I read him books."
Genevieve scrambles up. "I want to read him a book!" She runs off and comes back clutching a book. She clambers up between Gabe and Victoria and opens the book.
She can't actually read yet, but she points out the animals on the page and can name a handful of them: "Cow, duck, horsie."
She reads three books to the baby that way, and then sits in Gabe's lap and makes him read a book in Spanish.
The doorbell rings while Genevieve's choosing another book, and she comes careening down the hall to meet Christine at the door. "Grandma!"
Christine comes back with an older woman carrying Genevieve. Bill and Gabe both get up to greet her.
"You remember Gabe," Bill says.
"Of course." The woman who can only be Christine's mom leans up and Gabe leans down so they can exchange kisses on the cheek.
"It's good to see you again," Gabe says.
"And this is Victoria," Christine says. "This is my mom, Bobbi."
"Victoria's going to have a baby," Genevieve announces. "I read to it."
"You did?" Bobbi says before she shakes Victoria's hand.
"I did! And Uncle Gabe played in the pool with me."
"Oh, that sounds like fun," Bobbi says.
"Give us ten minutes to get ready," Christine says, "and then we can go."
Genevieve spends most of the time - Christine's ten minutes stretches out to be more like fifteen - showing her grandma her favorite toys and occasionally running back to put her hands on Victoria's stomach and feel Tyler kick.
Bill and Christine come back dressed to go out. Bill has his arm around Christine's waist, and there's a flush high on Christine's cheeks that isn't just makeup.
"Mommy, you're so pretty!" Genevieve goes to her mom to be picked up while Bill talks to Bobbi.
"With Gabe and Victoria here, she hasn't had a nap, so she'll probably crash early. We'll call if we're going to be later than midnight." Bill takes Genevieve from Christine and kisses her cheek. "You have fun with Grandma." He passes her on to Gabe.
"Ah, mi amor," Gabe says. "I had the best afternoon."
"Me too!" Genevieve plants a sloppy kiss on Gabe's cheek and lays her head on his shoulder. "I love you, Uncle Gabe."
"I love you too." Gabe kisses the top of Genevieve's head. "Can you say goodbye to Victoria too?"
Genevieve nods against his shoulder and waves at Victoria. "Bye-bye."
Victoria waves back. "Bye, Genevieve. Thank you for reading to the baby."
Gabe hands Genevieve over to her grandmother, but not before he kisses her cheek again.
Bobbi and Genevieve stand on the front porch and wave at them as they get into Bill and Christine's car. Gabe twists around and waves through the back window until they turn the corner.
Then he turns back and says, "I fucking love your kid."
Bill grins in the rearview mirror. "She's pretty great." Then he smirks. "Even more awesome than Tyler's going to be."
"No way," Gabe replies instantly. "Tyler's a Cobra. That automatically makes him more awesome than your kid."
Victoria can see his hands twitching restlessly, so she reaches out for one of them and puts it over her stomach so he can feel Tyler moving.
*
They leave Chicago early the next morning, after their show. Most of the bus goes to sleep, but Gabe never sleeps when they're moving and Victoria's worrying too much to sleep.
She curls up next to Gabe on the couch, leans in to put her head on his shoulder, and pulls his hand down over her stomach.
"Not tired?"
"Exhausted."
Gabe rubs her stomach. "Tyler keeping you up?"
"Sort of." Victoria sighs. "Being at Bill and Christine's. I don't know. Seeing their house." She sighs again. "I think I have to move to a bigger place."
"Yeah," Gabe says. "I've been thinking about that." He squeezes her close. "Just hear me out, okay? I don't have anywhere to live. I stayed with my dad when we were last home. I've been thinking about buying a place big enough for you and Tyler too. You can co-own it or pay me rent or whatever."
Victoria laughs and turns her head into Gabe's shoulder. "Yeah, right. You don't want to live with a baby. He's going to cry all the time, and it'll totally cramp your style."
"Did you really just say 'cramp my style'?"
Victoria looks up at Gabe laughing down at her before he turns serious again.
"Babe, I wouldn't offer to do this I didn't want to." Gabe plays with the ends of her hair. "I love kids. And I know you can do this by yourself, but you don't have to." He sighs and lets her hair drop. "Just think about it, okay? I would love to have Tyler cramp my style, and you'd have someone else around who can change diapers and take two-a.m. feedings."
"I'll think about it," Victoria promises on a yawn.
Gabe kisses the top of her head. "Good. Now go get some sleep."
At the door to the bunks, she turns back and says, "Thanks." She doesn't just mean his offer; she means everything from the time he invited her into his band to this very moment.
He seems to get it because he smiles softly, says, "You're welcome," and blows her a kiss.
*
They're on the home stretch, somewhere in Pennsylvania, all of them sick of life on a tour bus and Victoria's ankles swollen to the point she puts her feet up every time she sits down, when she sits down across from Gabe at the table and asks, "Are you sure you want to live with a baby?"
"I'm sure." Gabe looks like he can barely contain himself. "You in?"
Victoria's so used to having Gabe around, so used to him being a part of her whole pregnancy. As much as she knows she could be a kick-ass single mom, she doesn't want to have to give it up when they get home from tour.
"I'm in," she says, and Gabe whoops loud enough that Ryland yells at him to keep it down.
"I've had my realtor - a new one, with a confidentiality agreement - looking for places," Gabe says. "I can show you the listings for the ones that look good, and we can go look at places when we get back."
"You knew I'd say yes," Victoria accuses him.
"She's been sending me listings for smaller places too."
Victoria's still a little suspicious, but she only says, "Okay, show me what we're looking at."
Gabe gets his laptop and Victoria vetoes half the places the realtor sent him.
"I'm narrowing it down," she says, when he sighs heavily at another place she turns down.
"You're pickier than I am." Gabe keeps taking her through listings until they have a reasonable number of places to look at when they get home.
"Real estate?" Ryland asks when he wanders by and sees what they're doing.
"Victoria," Gabe declares, "has agreed to be my roommate."
"Watch out," Alex calls from down the bus. "He'll lock you out one day and keep Tyler for himself."
"Fuck you," Gabe yells back. "I wouldn't take him away from his mom."
Nate sits down across from Victoria with a plate of reheated leftovers. "If you're living with him, does this mean I get out of babysitting?"
"Sometimes," Gabe says very patiently, "mommies and daddies like to go out without their kids, and that's when big brothers have to stay home and watch their little brothers."
Nate flips him off and asks, "Do big brothers get their own rooms?"
"No way," Victoria says. "You'd only draw dicks all over it and I hate repainting."
"So what," Nate says, "no guest room?"
"Just a couch," Gabe says. He reaches across the table and ruffles Nate's hair. "I know you miss the basement, but now it's time for you to live on your own."
Nate ducks out from under his hand.
Alex comes to look over Gabe and Victoria's shoulders. "It's been, like, five years since the basement." He points at the listing on the screen. "Not that place. Shitty kitchen."
"Apartment hunting by committee," Gabe grumbles, but there's a smile on his face, and Victoria knows he loves it.
*
They finish the tour rather improbably in Rhode Island.
"So you know," Gabe tells the crowd as he crosses the stage to Victoria, "that our very own Victoria is about to become a mother."
The crowd responds with a roar that only makes Gabe grin harder.
"And this is our last show before that happens," he continues. "So we have a little surprise for Victoria and the baby."
This is when Victoria starts to worry, because this is something she hasn't been in on, and she knows what sort of antics Gabe likes to get up to.
"And we need your help."
Ryland plays a little riff and Nate plays a roll on the snare.
Gabe puts his arm around Victoria. "So sing along, if you know the words." He smacks a kiss onto Victoria's cheek, and then crosses the stage again as the rest of the band starts to play.
Gabe sings the absolute dirtiest version of "Hush, Little Baby" that Victoria's ever heard. It's actually pretty impressive given that the only change he makes to the lyrics is to substitute "Papi" for "Papa."
When they finish, the crowd yells for them. Victoria steps up to her mic before Gabe can launch into his next bit of patter.
"If you think that's going to get you anywhere near my kid," she says, throwing him a warning look that's both big enough to be seen from the back row and completely manufactured.
"Aww, baby," he croons. "Don't be like that. You know I'm the best uncle ever."
Before Victoria can even come up with a comeback, Ryland says, "Gabe's the kind of uncle who takes you out and gets you drunk. When you're thirteen."
The crowd laughs and hollers, and Gabe launches into a possibly fabricated story about the first time he got drunk.
Victoria uses the moment to revel in just how fucking much she loves this.
*
Victoria doesn't even bother to argue when Gabe insists on helping her get home when they get back to New York. By now she knows it's not going to do any good. She's even grateful for the help when they get there and have to ferry suitcases and boxes of fan gifts upstairs. Thank God the elevator's working.
Victoria leaves Gabe unloading things onto her floor of the building while she goes down the hall to unlock the door. Gizmo comes running as soon as she opens it. He leaps as high as he can and rests his paws against her legs, his tail wagging wildly.
Victoria lets the bag over her shoulder slip to the floor as she carefully crouches to scoop him up. "Hi, baby."
Gizmo's tail keeps going, and he licks sloppily over her face.
Victoria laughs and holds him closer. "Oh, I missed you too." She finally looks up from Gizmo to find Amber practically vibrating in the doorway. Victoria puts Gizmo down to yap at them from the floor.
"Look at you!" Amber rushes forward as soon as Victoria's arms are free.
"I'm huge!" Victoria laughs. She hugs Amber back, both of them bouncing a little.
"No, you look amazing," Amber says. She steps back a little and looks Victoria over. "Totally amazing." She steps in and they hug again.
"You ladies going to stand around or are you going to help?" Gabe calls from down the hall.
"I'm in a delicate condition," Victoria calls back.
"He's flipping you off," Amber reports.
"Let him." Victoria takes Gizmo and the bag she'd dropped onto the floor into her place. Four months away, and it's totally unfamiliar to her, so different from their tour bus and the occasional hotel room.
"Okay, baby," she says to Gizmo, "you have to stay out of the way. I don't want Gabe stepping on you."
"I'm very careful," Gabe says from the doorway. He drops one of her bags in the hallway, smirks, and heads back out to grab the rest of it.
"I'll help," Amber volunteers.
Victoria goes with them, and it only takes one more trip to get everything inside, even with Gizmo running around underfoot.
"The boxes enough out of your way?" Gabe asks. "You could just leave them there."
The boxes are stacked along her hallway, but there's enough room for her to get by them, even as big as she is.
"Yeah, they're good."
Gabe hugs her tight. "Okay, babe. I'm headed out to Jersey to see my pops." He kisses the top of her head. "We have an appointment with the realtor at one tomorrow. I'll pick you up. Call me if you need anything before then."
Victoria rolls her eyes. "I think I'll be okay until tomorrow afternoon."
Gabe leans down and says to her stomach, "You be good for your mamá and I'll sing you something tomorrow."
"I don't think he's old enough to be bribed yet," Victoria says.
Gabe smiles up at her with his adorable little boy grin. "Never too early to start bribing them."
Victoria can't resist smiling back at him. "That's not what all the books you made me read say."
"I'm the bad influence," Gabe reminds her. He hugs her again and says, "I'll see you tomorrow," before grabbing his bags and leaving.
"Realtor?" Amber asks.
"Realtor." Victoria heads past her to the couch and lets Gizmo jump up onto her lap. "We're going in on an apartment together."
"That sounds serious." Amber settles down on the other end of the couch.
"It's not like that," Victoria protests.
Amber doesn't look impressed. Maybe Victoria should have told her earlier, over the phone where she wouldn't have to see Amber's skepticism.
"Really, it's not. He needs a new place to live and I don't think this place is big enough for me and Gizmo and a baby, and he's willing to help out with Tyler, so it makes sense."
Amber throws a cushion at her that Victoria barely deflects before it hits Gizmo. "You're practically married already."
"Whatever." Victoria cuddles Gizmo under her chin. "Gabe and I aren't like that."
"Sure you're not," Amber says.
"We're not!" Victoria changes the subject. "I love your dress."
Amber glares at her, but goes with it. "I found it in this awesome vintage place. The woman running it's about seventy years old, and she has the best stuff. Dresses, shoes, and this really kickass collection of jewelry. I have to take you there."
Victoria pats her stomach. "After Tyler's born. I won't fit into anything vintage now, and I don't want more stuff I'm just going to have to pack." She looks around the living room. "Fuck. Packing's going to be a bitch."
"I'll help," Amber offers.
"That's why you're my best friend."
*
Gabe texts her at 11:30 and asks what she wants for lunch, and then shows up at noon with pepperoni pizza for her and vegetarian for him. Victoria feeds Gizmo slices of pepperoni and lets him lick her fingers.
"Baby spit up's going to be nothing to you," Gabe says.
"Human saliva has way more bacteria than dog saliva," Victoria counters. Before they leave, she washes her hands under Gabe's watchful eye.
In the cab on the way to the first building, Gabe says, "We don't have to do all of them today. If you need to rest, we'll stop."
Victoria nods and rubs her stomach where it feels like Tyler's tossing and turning. "Okay."
They meet the realtor in the lobby. She's exactly what Victoria would expect of a realtor based on what she's seen of them on TV: blonde hair, perfectly made up, expensive suit and heels.
She comes toward them with her right hand already extended. "Gabe, good to see you again." She shakes Gabe's hand and then says, "And you must be Victoria."
"Uh, yeah." Victoria shakes her hand.
"I'm Diane. It's so nice to meet you." Diane holds out an arm toward the elevator. "Should we go up?" She takes them into the elevator and keeps talking. "Gabe tells me you've looked at the listings for all the places we're going to look at today."
"Yeah, our whole band did." Victoria exchanges a smile with Gabe.
"Great," Diane says. "So you know what we're in for. Everything we're looking at today is pre-war, converted to residential in the last thirty years, twenty-four hour doormen, basement storage." The elevator dings for their floor, and Diane leads them down the hall to first apartment.
Gabe asks a lot of questions and takes notes on his phone. Victoria shouldn't be surprised by how knowledgeable and businesslike he is - he has done this before, and he has a head for business - but she is, and somehow that, more than anything, brings home how real this is. She's buying real estate with Gabe.
She takes in the first two places in something of a daze.
The third place, in a building just around the corner from Gabe and Bianca's old place, catches her attention. It has the high ceilings and large windows Gabe likes. The floors are wood, and beautiful. The previous owners painted one of the kitchen walls a deep turquoise and one in the living room a deep purple.
While Diane tells Gabe whatever it is realtors tell people about places they're trying to sell, Victoria wanders down the hall to look at the rest of the place.
Gabe finds her ten minutes later looking out the windows of one of the bedrooms. "Babe?"
"This is Tyler's room." Victoria turns around. "The one across the hall is mine. You get the master."
"We still have three more places to look at," Gabe says mildly.
"It doesn't matter. This is it." Victoria walks up to him so she's only inches away. "You saw the purple wall."
Gabe's mouth turns up into a smile. "It does seem like a sign."
Gabe pokes at everything, turns on faucets, opens and closes windows and doors, flips light switches. He also asks a million questions. Victoria listens to the ones about the fixtures and cabinetry and ignores the ones about the list price and co-op fees. She trusts Gabe with all of that.
Gabe tells Diane they want to make an offer, and they take a cab back to her office to talk their way through all the details that go into that. Victoria never knew this was so complicated, and she completely zones out on the discussion, only snapping back to it when Gabe asks if there's anything she wants to add to it.
She says, "No," and her exhaustion must come through, because he touches her arm gently and gets them out of there less than ten minutes later.
"You were supposed to tell me when you were tired," he admonishes. He flags down a cab and holds the door for her before going around to the other side.
"I wanted to get it done."
"We could have done it tomorrow." Gabe takes her hand. "It's not worth wearing you out."
Victoria groans. "You're so overprotective." She squeezes his hand. "I'm okay, and we need to do this as soon as possible. I'm still going to have to pack, and Tyler needs a crib and whatever else I don't have yet."
"Babe," Gabe says, "it'll be okay. We have the list of what you got at the baby shower, and we can sort through the boxes of gifts before we move if you want so you know what else you don't need, and you can hire movers to pack for you."
"It just seems like so much work." Victoria's annoyed at the tremble in her voice. She's been so good at not crying recently.
Gabe scoots over and puts his arms around her. "It's going to be fine. My shit's all packed already, so I can help with yours. And then we're going to have enough space for you and me and Tyler and Gizmo, and it's going to be great." He kisses the top of her head. "I promise."
"You can't know that," Victoria says against his shoulder. She doesn't start crying, though.
"Of course I can," Gabe says. "I'm Gabe Saporta, and I can do that."
It works to make her laugh.
"There you go." Gabe doesn't let go of her until the cab stops in front of her building.
*
Victoria spends the next two days sleeping late, doing laundry, and taking Gizmo out for walks. Gabe calls or texts at least twice a day, once with an update about the apartment counteroffer, but mostly just to talk to her.
On the third day, Gabe comes over and they sit on the floor to sort through the boxes of gifts from fans.
"I love our fans," Victoria says, "but some of them have terrible taste." She holds up a mustard yellow t-shirt with the slogan "Baby's Baby" in a hideous brown so Gabe can see it before she tosses it into the box of stuff they're giving away.
"And people think I dress badly." Gabe holds up another shirt. "How do you feel about putting Tyler in pink?"
Victoria shrugs. "Sure. No skirts, though."
Gabe carefully folds the pink shirt and puts it in the keep box.
Except for the books, they weren't very careful about how they packed things up on tour, so clothes, toys, and baby blankets are all mixed together. Gabe makes her repack the things they're keeping much more neatly. He also keeps a tally that he adds on to the list from the baby shower.
"You don't need to buy clothes for the first year."
"Or blankets ever." Victoria scoots over next to Gabe so she can look at the list too as he scrolls through it. "We need a list of what I do need to buy."
Gabe starts a new list. Victoria puts furniture at the top of it. Gabe adds a car seat and a stroller.
"This is a week's worth of shopping right here," Gabe says.
Victoria groans. "And I don't want to do any of it before we move."
Gabe puts his arm around her. "Some it's stuff we can pick out and have delivered later."
Victoria pulls up the calendar on her phone. It has a blissful stretch of free days interspersed with her last handful of doctor's appointments. "When are we going?"
Gabe looks down at her calendar. "After your appointment on Tuesday?"
Victoria adds it to the calendar and then puts her phone down. "Sometimes I still can't believe I'm going to be a mom."
"Me either," Gabe says. "It seems like just yesterday you were this quiet little girl whose ex Alex knew."
Victoria sighs and then says, "Speaking of exes."
Gabe stiffens next to her, and she doesn't turn to see what kind of look is on his face.
"I don't know what I need to do about Jack, to make sure he can't have Tyler."
Gabe exhales a heavy breath. "I got the name of a lawyer. She's supposed to be very, very good. Her assistant said she'd squeeze you in whenever you called." Gabe picks up her phone and puts the number into it. "I can come with you."
"No." Victoria turns so she can hug Gabe. "I need to do this one myself."
*
Victoria calls Ashlee that evening.
"Sweetie," Ashlee answers, "I was just thinking about you."
Ashlee never fails to make her smile.
"It's been way too long," Victoria says. "How are you?"
"Amazing," Ashlee says. "Pete took Bronx to the park and out to dinner for some father-son time, and I've been lazing around the house all day. But how are you?"
"Overwhelmed," Victoria admits. "I'm huge, I keep crying for no reason, and I have boxes of baby stuff cluttering up my hallway."
"Oh, sweetie. It's only a couple more months. I know it's a total cliche, but you'll forget all about this when you see your baby."
"You didn't do it again, though," Victoria points out.
"Not yet," Ashlee says. "There's still time."
"Do you want more?"
"I don't know. Pete would do it, but we're both so busy. I'm not sure it would be fair to split up the time we have for Bronx now. Are you thinking about having more kids already?"
Victoria groans. "I just want to get through this one. Did you know Gabe and I are buying a place?"
"Pete mentioned it."
"Yeah, so that's making this all a little more stressful. I can't do all the shopping I need to do because we're just going to move. Plus I have to go talk to a lawyer to make sure Jack can't get anywhere near Tyler - did I tell you I'm naming him Tyler? - and I think I hurt Gabe's feelings when I told him he couldn't come with me for that."
"He'll get over it, you didn't, and that asshole has no right to your kid."
"Thanks," Victoria says, and then she sniffles and her eyes well up with tears. "Shit. I'm crying again."
"I cried so much when I was pregnant. Pete didn't know what do. He kept trying to feed me ice cream."
Victoria manages a watery laugh. "Gabe keeps telling me it'll be okay."
"You should listen to him," Ashlee says softly. "He's right about that."
*
Victoria meets Amber for brunch on Sunday, and then they go back to Victoria's and pack all of her pre-pregnancy clothes and shoes - she's been wearing only flats for a couple of months now - into boxes.
"Fuck," Victoria says. "Thank God we're starting this early." She puts her hands at the small of her back and stretches.
Amber looks around her bedroom. "This is going to take a while."
"We don't have to do everything. Gabe says I should hire movers. They can take care of a lot of it. We just have to do the stuff I don't want them getting into."
"Well, we already got your underwear drawer." Amber points at her. "You've been holding out on me."
Victoria flushes. "Yeah, I kind of ramped up my lingerie collection for a while there."
"How tired are you?" Amber asks. "I could go for something new. You can take me wherever you were shopping."
One of the things Victoria doesn't like about being pregnant is that the clothes aren't as exciting. Even if she can't buy anything, she can look. "We have to stop for lunch on the way."
Amber agrees, and they stop for sandwiches before Victoria takes her to La Petite Coquette where Rebecca, the owner, buzzes them in. Victoria helps Amber pick out a bunch of things to try on and then sits down in a chair by the dressing room to offer her opinion.
When Amber gets to a red satin and lace negligee that Victoria owns in black, Victoria starts to cry. She's really starting to hate that.
Amber comes right over and wraps her arms around her. "Don't cry," she says.
"It's just the stupid pregnancy hormones," Victoria chokes out. "And you look so good, and I have the same thing in black, and I'm never going to have anyone to wear it for again."
"Oh, V," Amber says. "That's not true."
"It is." Victoria digs into her purse for the package of Kleenex she knows is in there. "No one's going to want to date me with Tyler around."
"Plenty of single moms date." Amber takes her purse from her and finds the Kleenex. "You'll have someone to wear all that stuff for again."
Victoria takes the Kleenex from her and wipes her eyes. "I don't think so," she sniffles.
Amber hugs her tight again. "Of course you will."
Rebecca brings her a glass of water, and Victoria calms down enough for Amber to keep trying things on. She doesn't buy the negligee.
*
Gabe picks her up on Tuesday morning and goes with her to see Doctor Sanders. Her chart, with paperwork from doctors all over the country, is insanely thick.
"I'm glad to see you kept up with your appointments," Doctor Sanders says.
Victoria rubs her stomach. "I want what's best for Tyler." She smiles at Doctor Sanders. "That's what I'm naming him."
Doctor Sanders smiles back at her. "That's a nice name. It's good that you're using it already." She puts Victoria's chart down on the counter. "How are you feeling?"
Victoria tells her the same thing she told Ashlee: "A little overwhelmed. I keep crying."
Doctor Sanders nods. "That can happen. How often are you crying?"
Victoria shrugs. "Maybe every day or every other day."
Gabe puts his hand in the center of her back. Victoria takes in a deep breath; it's comforting to feel his hand there.
"The best thing you can do for that," Doctor Sanders says, "is just keep your stress levels down."
Victoria laughs. "I'm not sure that's going to happen. We're trying to buy an apartment and move before Tyler's born."
"I'm doing most of the business stuff for the apartment, and Victoria's going to hire movers," Gabe says. He rubs his thumb against her back. "We're going to make this as easy on you as possible," he says softly.
"Moving is still a lot of stress. Keep an eye on it," Doctor Sanders says to both of them. "Make sure you take lots of breaks, and if you start crying more, call me. Some of it is just normal hormones, but if gets worse, we'll want to see if it's something we need to look into." She stands up and pats the table. "Hop on up, and let's see how Tyler's doing."
She does the poking and prodding and listening to Tyler's heartbeat that Victoria's used to by now. "Everything looks good to me. Do you have any questions?"
"What about a Lamaze class?" Gabe asks. "We're running a little late on that, but we should probably do something about it now." He smiles winningly at Doctor Sanders, and it seems like she likes him more than she likes Victoria.
Doctor Sanders gets a stapled sheaf of papers from a wall pocket and hands it to Gabe. "This is a list of childbirth classes in the area. If you're going to do one, you should decide what kind of class you want. Lamaze isn't your only option, although it is the one people are most familiar with."
"If?" Victoria asks.
"Childbirth classes can be helpful," Doctor Sanders says. "They connect you with other expecting moms, and give you another person you can ask questions. But you don't have to do them." She smiles at them. "I saw in the notes in your chart that you've been reading a lot and asking questions. That's pretty good prep. It's really up to what makes you the most comfortable."
It's not what they show on TV, but some of the books said the same thing.
"We'll think about it," Victoria says.
Gabe doesn't have any other questions, and neither does Victoria, so they get on a bus and head down to Union Square for lunch before they hit up Babies R Us.
"You didn't tell me you were crying so much."
Victoria's surprised it took him so long to bring it up.
"It's not a big deal. Really," she insists when he still looks worried. "You heard what Doctor Sanders said. It's just the hormones." She makes a face. "It's kind of embarrassing sometimes, but I'm dealing."
"Will you tell me if you're not?"
"Yes." Victoria reaches out to touch his hand. "I promise. If it gets worse, I'll tell you and Doctor Sanders."
Gabe turns his hand over and takes hers. "You can tell me to fuck off."
Victoria laughs. "I've lived with you on a fucking tour bus for years. I can handle you hassling me about my pregnancy crying."
Gabe taps his fingers against her hand. "Okay." He smirks. "Then I'll keep hassling." He lives up to it and says, "Do you want to do a childbirth class?"
Victoria sits back and pulls her hand away as the waiter brings their food. "I don't think so. I've talked to Ashlee and my mom, and every other woman who's ever given birth, and we've been reading books for months." She stops when something occurs to her, and her voice comes out a lot smaller when she asks, "You're going to be there, right?"
"Babe, yes." Gabe actually gets up and comes around to her side of the table where he crouches down and puts his arms around her, giant stomach and all. "Yes, of course I'm going to be there."
Victoria refuses to let that make her cry, but she does put her arms around him too and lean her cheek against the top of his head. Then she pulls back and says, "We're like a bad romantic comedy."
Gabe stands up and goes back to his own side of the table. "We're too cool for that. Maybe an independent student film." He flashes her a grin. "One of those ones where everything ends happily ever after."
After lunch, they spend two hours in Babies R Us adding things to a registry with a scanner until Victoria's too worn out to keep going. They catch a cab back to her place and spend the rest of the afternoon watching the second season of Gossip Girl on DVD.
*
On Thursday, Victoria gets up and dressed early and takes the subway downtown to meet with the lawyer. The office is horribly intimidating, everything luxurious and extravagant, and the assistant who walks Victoria down the hall is wearing an outfit more expensive than most of the items in even Victoria's wardrobe.
The lawyer herself is no less intimidating, even when she smiles and says, "Good morning. I'm Louise," and leads Victoria to a pair of chairs in the corner of her spacious office instead of sitting across the desk from her. Louise pours Victoria a glass of water and sits back with a legal pad on her knee. "What can I help you with?"
"Custody." Victoria gestures at her stomach. "He cheated on me, and then I found out I was pregnant, and I don't want him anywhere near my son."
Louise takes notes on her pad. "Are you in contact with him now?"
Victoria bites her lip. "No, but he has to know."
Louise quirks an eyebrow at her.
"I'm in a band," Victoria explains. "Cobra Starship. He's in another band, All Time Low, and people knew we were dating, and now that I'm pregnant, he has to know he's the father. I never cheated on him."
"But he hasn't contacted you?"
"No." Victoria flattens her hands over her stomach and lets Tyler kick at them. "Not since the end of the tour we were on when I got pregnant."
Louise nods. "That's good. The first thing you want to do is not to put his name on the birth certificate. It's only a stopgap measure. If he really wants to claim paternity, he can petition the court for a DNA test, but unless he does that, you will be your son's only legal parent. If he does petition the court, then things get trickier. The fact that he hasn't contacted you is good. It shows he doesn't have a vested interest in the child, and we can argue that in court."
"Court?" Victoria asks. "Would we have to do that?"
"I'm afraid so." Louise smiles, and it's not as comforting as Victoria would like. "New York State law provides for the rights and responsibilities of both parents. If he decides to go after custody, it would most likely go to court. It sounds like we have a good start on showing that he's an unfit parent. We might be able to have his rights terminated, but that's a long shot."
It's almost too much for Victoria to take in, and she wishes she'd brought Gabe after all.
"If you meet someone else," Louise continues, "and you want him to adopt, then it gets easier. If the biological father hasn't contacted the child for six months, then his rights can be involuntarily terminated in favor of a step-parent."
Marriage is so far from Victoria's mind. "What if we weren't married?" A boyfriend for life is way easier to comprehend.
"Second parent adoptions are legal in New York," Louise answers. "It could be done."
"But there's nothing I can do now?"
"Don't put his name on the birth certificate. You'll also want to write a will designating a guardian for your son in the event of your death. If you don't and the biological father asks for custody, he will almost certainly get it."
Victoria sucks in a breath. "No way. What do I need to do to make a will?"
They spend the rest of Victoria's appointment hashing out details of her will and making a list of what other information she needs to get to Louise, and she makes a follow-up appointment on her way out.
Victoria holds it together until she gets home, and then she holds Gizmo to her chest and cries, and she's pretty sure this isn't just hormones. Gizmo licks at her cheeks and whines fretfully, and she ignores the buzzing of her phone.
She washes her face after she's cried herself out, and puts her Victoria-Cobra-Midtown-Ivy League mix on so Tyler can hear his family's voices even though she's not up to talking.
She has three missed calls - one from her mom and two from Gabe - and two texts from Gabe: How'd it go? and In the city. Can I come over?
She sends back, Bring ice cream.
Gabe shows up an hour later. After she lets him in, he puts the shopping bag down on the stack of boxes still in the hallway and wraps his arms around her. It's enough to start her crying again.
"Babe," he says once, helplessly, and then they just stand there while she cries.
Victoria pulls back and rubs at her eyes with the heels of her hands. "You know where the bowls are." She goes to wipe her eyes for real, with a Kleenex this time, and grimaces at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are red and her whole face is puffy.
Gabe bought the good stuff, Häagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip, and he has a large bowl of it waiting for her. Tyler makes her too heavy to actually sit in Gabe's lap, but she gets as close to it as she can, pressed tight against him on the couch with her head on his shoulder.
"If he wants to," Victoria says, "he can petition the court for a paternity test, and then I'd have to go to court and fight for custody."
Gabe swears in Spanish and then in English. "He's never getting custody. We'll run away to a non-extradition country before that happens."
Victoria doesn't want to laugh, but she does. "Gabe."
"I'm serious." Gabe presses a kiss to her temple. "He's never getting Tyler. Keep your passport up to date."
Victoria sits up and turns to look at Gabe, because she thought so before, but now she's sure. "The lawyer's also drawing up a will for me, so he can't get Tyler if anything happens to me. Will you take Tyler if I die?"
Gabe's eyes get very wide, and his answer is almost too soft to be heard, but he says, "Yes. Yes, of course."
*
The next few weeks pass in a blur. Gabe takes Victoria shopping, to her doctor's appointments, and to his dad's house in Jersey for dinner. Amber comes over every weekend to help Victoria pack up bits and pieces of her apartment. Victoria signs the will Louise draws up for her and gathers up a seemingly endless collection of documents and information for the co-op application.
They have to go to an interview, too, where they answer questions about their intentions for the apartment, their finances, and their future as a band. Gabe is a hell of a lot richer than Victoria ever imagined, and half the interview board coos over Victoria's stomach and asks about paint colors for the nursery.
"I told you that would work to your advantage," Diane says when they call her on speakerphone to tell her how it went.
Two days later, she calls them back and tells them the co-op board approved their application. Two weeks after that, they sign a bunch of papers and Victoria becomes the co-owner of a ridiculously expensive apartment. Gabe dances her around the office, both of them laughing, and then makes plans to paint Tyler's room and let the place air out for a couple of days before they move in.
*
They go out to dinner with Gabe's dad, Alex and Lauren, Ryland and Meredith, and a handful of Gabe's other friends for Gabe's birthday. Diego heads back to Jersey afterwards while everyone else makes plans to go out.
"I'll meet up with you in a bit," Gabe says. "I'm going to take Victoria home."
Victoria rolls her eyes and lets him help her with her coat. "I can get home by myself."
"I don't mind."
Victoria wraps her scarf around her neck. "I do." Gabe hasn't moved away, and Victoria puts her hand on his chest. "It's your birthday. I'll let you put me in a cab, and I'll text you when I get home, but you're not coming with me."
Gabe hails her a cab. "Text me as soon as you get home."
"I will. I promise." Victoria leans up and kisses his cheek. "Stop worrying and go have fun."
She waits until she's all the way up in her apartment, Gizmo rushing around the packed boxes everywhere to jump on her, before she texts, Home safe. Happy birthday! :)
*
Moving day is a disaster. Victoria cries roughly twice an hour, and sometime in the middle of hour four, she yells at Gabe.
"This was a stupid idea! I can't believe I agreed to this!" She's crying, too, and the movers edge around them carefully. "I would've been better off by myself!" It wasn't even anything important that set her off, just a question of which way to turn the dining room table, and the movers are clearly trying to avoid the crazy pregnant lady, and Gabe gets this horrible pinched look on his face and picks up her phone from the counter.
Victoria's still crying fifteen minutes later, huddled on a corner of the couch, when Amber shows up.
"Come on, V," she says. "Let's get out of here for a while."
Victoria does her best to stop crying, and she and Amber take the bus back to Amber's place.
"I just fucking lost it," Victoria sniffles when she's curled up on Amber's couch instead of her own.
"Moving's stressful." Amber makes them both cups of chamomile tea with lots of honey.
Victoria wraps her hands around her mug and feels like shit. "I yelled at Gabe." She grimaces. "Like, a lot."
Amber puts an arm around her shoulders. "He'll understand."
"Maybe." Victoria sips her tea. They watch bad movies on cable all afternoon.
She doesn't let Amber come back with her when she goes home, but she does agree to take a cab instead of the subway.
The movers are gone, and Gabe is unpacking boxes in the kitchen. His face is as guarded as she's ever seen it when he looks up and asks, "Have you eaten?"
Victoria shakes her head. She doesn't quite know what to say. She bends down to scratch behind Gizmo's ears.
"Chinese?"
"Sure." Victoria digs through the stack of menus Gabe hands her until she finds one, and she calls in their order. She sits down at the dining room table - turned the way she'd wanted - and watches Gabe put things away in drawers and cabinets.
It's tense, and it doesn't get any better when the food gets there. They eat in the living room with the TV on the collection of video clips and reality shows MTV plays these days.
They switch to something with an actual plot later, but Victoria's too worn out to pay attention to it. She's the kind of tired that makes going to bed seem like more work than it's worth, but she forces herself off the couch. "I'm going to crash."
"I put your sheets on your bed," Gabe tells her, still cautious and quiet.
Victoria's so pathetically grateful she has to blink back tears. "Thanks," she manages around the lump in her throat.
She brushes her teeth, changes into pajamas, and falls into bed. Once she's there, she can't sleep, but cries quietly. She doesn't want to have ruined this before it even started.
"I'm sorry," she whispers to Tyler just in case.
She can hear Gabe's footsteps in the hall, and then the soft sound of her door opening. She doesn't quite dare to look, but she listens to Gabe come into her room and sit down on the edge of her bed. He touches her hair, and her next sob comes out as a loud gasp.
"Victoria," Gabe sighs.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. It's easier to apologize in the dark where she can't see him. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."
The bed shifts, her sheets rustle, and then Gabe's there with her, lying at her back and resting one hand on her stomach. "Go to sleep," he whispers. "You and Tyler need the rest."
*
Victoria wakes up feeling still kind of wrung out, but better, like she hasn't fucked everything up. The floors are cold against her feet, and she pulls on a pair of socks before she shuffles out to the kitchen.
Gabe has a bowl of batter and a waffle iron she didn't even know they had out on the counter. "Waffle?"
"Yeah." Victoria comes around the counter while he pours batter into the waffle iron. After he closes the waffle iron, she wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his chest. "Thanks for putting up with me," she mumbles into his shirt.
Gabe hugs her back. "Someday," he says, his voice making his chest rumble against her cheek, "Tyler's not going to want to do his chores and I'm going to be able to tell him, 'I put up with your mom when she was pregnant with you. The least you can do is take out the garbage.'"
Victoria laughs, and then closes her eyes and breathes in the familiar smells of Gabe and laundry detergent. Gabe only pushes her away when her waffle's done. She takes the waffle, butter, and maple syrup - she didn't know they had that either - to the table, and Gabe brings her a glass of orange juice while he waits for the next waffle to cook.
"Did you go shopping?" Victoria's pretty sure they didn't have orange juice when they moved in yesterday.
"While you were out yesterday."
Gabe makes a pretty good waffle, and he drops batter for another one on the iron before he sits down with his. It's comfortable, and familiar, having breakfast with Gabe, although a little quieter and less cramped than their bus.
"The stuff for Tyler's room is getting delivered today." Gabe quirks his eyebrows at her. "You going to freak out about it?"
Victoria actually considers it. "No," she says, "I don't think so." She hooks her ankles around the rung of her chair. "I need slippers."
Gabe blinks a little at the change of subject, but he says, "Okay," and gets her a second waffle.
*
Victoria's tugging at the crib to make sure Gabe's assembled it correctly and it's not going to fall apart with Tyler in it when the buzzer sounds. Gabe goes to answer it, and he comes back a few minutes later with a delivery guy who deposits a giant box in the middle of the nursery. They already have a crib, a combination changing table and dresser, a toy box, and a bookshelf.
"What the fuck?"
Gabe grins at her. "A present. From me to you and Tyler." He takes to the package with the same pair of scissors he used to cut open the other boxes, and he carefully takes apart cardboard and packaging until he gets down to what's in the box. It's the most beautiful rocking chair Victoria has ever seen, made of some kind of lustrous, dark wood, with a high back and curved seat. When she runs her hand along the grain of it, it's completely smooth against her skin.
Gabe pulls the rest of the packaging out from under the rockers and says, "Try it out."
Victoria carefully lowers herself down into it and rocks experimentally. She can imagine sitting in it with Tyler in her arms. She puts her hands over her stomach and says, "Feel that? Gabe bought us a rocking chair." Tyler moves against her, and she smiles up at Gabe. "I think he likes it. Thank you. This is amazing."
Gabe smiles softly. "Well," he says, "I hadn't really gotten you anything yet."
Victoria gapes up at him. "You got me this place, for starters. You made sure I didn't have to read the shitty baby books. You took care of publicity. You've been there for my doctor's appointments. Christ, Gabe, you've been the best fucking present I could've gotten."
Gabe's smile shades with a hint of embarrassment. He doesn't always take compliments well. "Does that mean you don't want the rocking chair?"
Victoria grips the chair's arms. "Hell no. I love the rocking chair. We're keeping this."
*
They spend a week unpacking and figuring out where to keep things in the common areas. They pack away most of the pregnancy and parenting books, and Gabe takes them to the basement storage while Victoria arranges the ones they're keeping handy on a shelf in the living room. They take turns running loads of baby clothes through the washing machine so they'll be soft and clean for Tyler. Gabe forbids Victoria to lift anything heavy.
They get everything put away and straightened out in time for the housewarming party Gabe already invited people to. They enlist Alex to cook, and he approves of their kitchen if not their kitchenware. Diego comes into the city and Nate flies out to spend a few days hanging out and come to the party.
"The party ends when you want it to," Gabe says beforehand. "You say the word, and we'll kick everyone out."
People bring gifts for the baby, bottles of wine, and desserts. Diego brings a bottle of sparkling cider for Victoria.
"Gabriel," Diego says in his heavily accented English, "is so happy to be a part of the life of you and your baby."
Victoria squeezes his arm. "I'm so happy to have him be a part of it too." She smiles. "He's a good boy."
Diego grins at her, an older version of Gabe's teasing grin, and says, "You don't have to lie to me. I know he can be a handful."
Victoria giggles. "He can, but he's been very helpful." They turn to look across the apartment at Gabe, and he grins at them. Every time Victoria looks for him, he's looking back. It's comforting to know he's there.
"Oh, no," Lauren laughs when Gabe looks at her as she's trying out the rocking chair. "Alex and I aren't having any. You'll have to rely on Victoria to provide the next generation of Cobras."
The party started early, so it breaks up early. Gabe sends Victoria to sit down and makes Nate help clean up.
"How did I get stuck with this?" he bitches. "I don't even live here."
"You don't have a girlfriend, and you're the baby," Gabe says. "That makes you my bitch."
Nate flips him off. "That's not fair." He tries appealing to Victoria. "Are you going to let him treat Tyler like this when he's the baby?"
"I'll be the one making Tyler clean up," Victoria says. "And don't think you're going to get out of it even when he's old enough to help. You'll always be our bitch."
Gabe walks by the couch and high-fives her.
Part 3
Third Trimester: August 2011
Their show in Seattle is amazing. Easily the best show of the tour. Every band is on, and the crowd loves them. Victoria comes off stage riding high on the adrenaline. More than high, really. More like super aware of her body.
"Now I know why people do this with someone else," she grumbles. "I am so fucking horny right now."
Gabe bursts into surprised laughter.
Nate smirks at her. "You're surrounded by men. Or we can find you a groupie."
"Fuck you," Victoria says.
"If you want," Nate slings back without missing a beat.
Victoria doesn't take him up on the offer.
What she does do is go to bed early and wriggle out of her clothes in the cramped space of her bunk. She's still completely aware of her body, the sensitive fullness of her breasts, the growing curve of her stomach, the heat of her cunt.
It's shocking, how fast she comes once she touches herself. She hasn't done this in a while; touring usually just makes her want to sleep once she's in a bed, and this tour she's been so focused on her body as the support system for her son that she hasn't been thinking about it in terms of sex.
The orgasm is good, but almost too fast for her to enjoy. She cups her hands around her stomach and whispers, "I hope you don't remember any of this," to the baby.
Victoria keeps just touching herself, stroking her hands over her body, not even trying to get herself off yet, just enjoying the touch. Every touch to her breasts feels like it's sending sparks all through her.
She touches with more intent, pressing firmer touches to the curves of her breasts and tracing her fingertips around her nipples. Her breasts are so sensitive that Victoria bites her lip to keep herself from moaning out loud and letting everyone else in on what she's doing.
She slides one hand down over the curve of her stomach and between her legs. She closes her eyes and pushes two fingers into herself, presses the heel of her hand against her clit.
It's not going to take long this time either.
She rocks against her hand, applies the barest of pressure to her nipple, fights not to make a sound.
Someone must open the door between the bunks and the lounge because there's a burst of sound: people talking, music, a video game, and Gabe's laughter cascading over everything else.
Victoria's whole body arches up into her hands as she comes. She gasps for air as quietly as she can, trembling with just how good it feels.
She wants to just curl into her pillow and sleep, but she knows that if she doesn't put her clothes back on, she'll regret it in the morning when she forgets and rolls out of her bunk naked, so she squirms back into her pajamas before she lets herself sleep.
*
They have a day off in Chicago. Victoria's pretty sure Gabe asked for it, and they have plans to meet up with The Academy guys for dinner.
Gabe goes with her to a doctor's appointment after a meal that's lunch for her and breakfast for him, and then asks, "Want to come with me to visit Bill?"
Victoria likes Bill, has spent a lot of time on tour with him, but they're not friends the way Gabe and Bill are. "I won't get in the way of whatever manly bonding you have planned?"
Gabe holds the door of the cab for her. "We were just going to hang out at his place, and he has a three-year-old who's into finger painting and tiaras. I don't think you'll be in the way." Gabe closes the door and goes around to the other side. "You in?"
"I'm in," she says, and Gabe gives the driver Bill's address instead of the venue. It's a bit of a drive, and Gabe spends much of it texting or doing whatever else he does with his phone. Victoria checks her messages and then looks out the window and watches Chicago pass by.
Bill's house is in a nice neighborhood, with children's toys in half the yards on the block, including his. Gabe pays the cab driver, and they walk up the path to the front door. The cushions on the porch swing match the house's paint.
Bill answers the door with a grin. "Gabe!" They hug for a long time, and then Bill reaches out for Victoria. "You came!"
Victoria's grinning, too, when Bill lets go of her and ushers them into the house. "Gabe said I wouldn't get in your way."
"Not at all." Bill takes them down the hallway into the living room. "We're glad to have you."
"Uncle Gabe!" A toddler who must be Genevieve hurls herself at Gabe, and he scoops her up easily.
"Mi amor!" Gabe kisses her cheek and turns her to Victoria. "This is my friend Victoria. Victoria this lovely lady is Genevieve."
She's a cute kid, with dark blonde hair and amazing bone structure, but Victoria wouldn't expect anything else.
"Nice to meet you," Victoria says.
Genevieve looks at her for a very long moment. "Hi," she says, and then she tugs at Gabe's shirt. "Come see my painting."
"Just a minute," Gabe says. "Let me say hi to your mom."
While Victoria's been meeting Genevieve, Christine's joined them. She steps around Bill to hug Gabe for long enough that Genevieve says, "Mommy," in as exasperated a tone as a three-year-old can produce.
Gabe draws back, and Christine turns to Victoria. "It's good to see you again." She hugs Victoria, too, a real hug instead of a brief touch, which is new. They don't know each other that well.
"You too," Victoria manages.
Christine steps back and says, "Go see Genevieve's painting. I'm going to take Victoria on a tour of the house."
Gabe and Bill go with Genevieve in one direction, and Christine takes Victoria in the other direction. While Christine chatters on about paint colors, furniture acquisitions, and portioning out separate spaces for herself and Bill, Victoria notices Genevieve's drawings on the fridge, the low shelves full of children's books, and the completely different scale of the furniture in Genevieve's room.
Christine ends the tour in her studio, which has a pair of chairs along with three easels, a desk, and a storage thing full of art supplies. "And that's the house."
"It's a great house." Victoria sits down and looks around at what is clearly an adult space. "Nice studio."
Christine smiles at her. "It's part of the reason we bought it. I would go crazy without a studio. Our old place didn't have enough space for this kind of thing. I was always picking baby socks out of my supply drawers." She leans forward. "Bill was on the road most of the time I was pregnant," she starts. "So I know what it's like to do this alone, even if you have some support."
"It's not that bad," Victoria says, unconsciously resting her hands over her stomach. "The boys are a lot of help." Which is true, even if it's mostly Gabe.
Christine doesn't look convinced. "So was my mom, but it was still hard." She holds out a hand. "Give me your phone. I'll give you my number. You can call me if you ever want to talk."
Victoria hands over her phone. "Thanks." Then something occurs to her, and when Christine hands her phone back, she asks, "Did Gabe bring me here just so you could give me your number?"
"He might have." Christine shrugs and pushes her hair back. "Bill says he's pretty excited about the baby. Are you excited?"
Victoria rubs her stomach. "Yeah." She grimaces. "Shit. I don't know what I'm doing. A baby, fuck. How hard is it, really?"
"Really fucking hard sometimes," Christine says. "And giving birth hurts like nothing else. But sometimes it's amazing, and I still can't believe I could ever love another person that much. Genevieve and Bill."
Victoria's hit with a sudden longing for what Christine has with Bill, someone to be there and love her and be the father to her kid. To her horror, she starts to cry, and can't stop.
Christine hands her a Kleenex, and then scoots her chair right up next to Victoria's and puts an arm around her.
Footsteps come down the hall toward them, stop, and go away again. Victoria keeps her head down and cries as quietly as she can. Christine just lets her and hands her another Kleenex when she needs it.
Different footsteps come down the hall - Gabe's this time - and come into the room. "Babe," Gabe says, crouching down in front of her, "what's wrong?"
Victoria feels a sudden rush of gratitude for Gabe, for him just being there, for him being there for everything, and it makes her cry even harder.
"Babe," Gabe says again, sounding helpless. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and presses as close as he can with the awkward angle.
Victoria keeps crying for what seems like a long time. When she trails off into the last sniffles, she pushes Gabe away.
"What was that about?" Gabe asks.
Victoria shrugs and scrubs at her eyes with the last Kleenex.
"You okay?"
Victoria shrugs again.
Gabe sighs and rests his hands on her knees. "Babe, you're freaking me out here."
Victoria can't help laughing, a weak, hiccuping thing. "I'm okay," she says. "I guess. It's just." She waves a hand.
Gabe presses a kiss to her forehead. "Everything's going to be okay." He pushes to his feet and holds out a hand. "Bill and Christine took Genevieve outside to the kiddie pool. You up for it?"
Victoria takes his hand and lets him pull her out of the chair. "Yeah, I think so. Just give me a minute." She goes into the bathroom where she splashes water on her face, wipes the mascara tracks off her cheeks, and fixes her makeup.
When she comes out, Gabe is leaning against the wall across the hallway from the bathroom. He puts his arm around her shoulders and walks her through the house and out into the backyard.
They really do have a kiddie pool set up, with a handful of plastic chairs half in it. Bill and Christine are in two of the chairs with their feet in the water while Genevieve splashes around in the pool itself. She's wearing the cutest swimsuit Victoria has ever seen. It has a pattern of giant purple flowers and a skirt.
Gabe holds Victoria's arm as she kicks off her shoes and steps into the pool to sit down next to Christine. Gabe takes the chair on her other side.
"Sorry," Victoria says to Christine.
Christine pats her arm. "I cried pretty much the whole seventh month," she says.
On the other side of her, Bill grimaces, which makes Gabe snort, and Christine turns to see the look and hits him on the shoulder.
"And then you got to go off on tour," she says to him, "while I just kept crying."
Bill takes her hand. "And by the time I got back, Genevieve was doing all the crying." He and Christine both look down at Genevieve playing with her floaty toys in the pool. The look on their faces is one of complete and utter love.
Genevieve seems to feel them watching her, because she looks up and grins at the attention. "Uncle Gabe, play with me." She holds out a fish. Gabe takes it and leans over to swim it through the water toward her.
Christine shakes her head. "That kid of yours is going to be so spoiled." She kicks her foot to splash water at Gabe. "You thought about names yet?"
Gabe doesn't look up, but he tips his head to the side so Victoria knows he's listening. He, along with everyone else she knows, has been suggesting names for months.
"It's a boy," Victoria tells her, "so I'm not naming him after you."
Gabe actually laughs at that, and says, "So we're telling people now?" still without looking up.
This time Victoria kicks water at him.
Bill says, "William is a nice boy's name."
"Or Christian," Christine says with a lazy grin.
"Tyler," Victoria surprises herself by saying. She's been thinking it, but she wasn't sure she was really ready to say it yet. "His name's Tyler."
Gabe curls his hand around her ankle under the water. "Tyler," he repeats. He lets go of her and commandeers one of Genevieve's boats.
"When you fall in," Victoria warns, because Gabe is leaning awfully far out over the pool, "I'm not going with you when you have to go back and change."
"I'll laugh," Bill volunteers.
Gabe ignores them and keeps pushing toys around with Genevieve.
Gabe doesn't actually fall in, and he, Victoria, and Bill stay outside and exchange news and stories when Christine takes Genevieve inside to change out of her swimsuit and have a snack.
"My mom," Christine explains. "She's coming over to watch Genevieve while we go out, and she hates it when she's still in her suit. Otherwise we just let her run around in it all afternoon as long as she stays off the carpet when it's wet."
When they go inside, Gabe and Victoria take the couch, Christine sits down in a rocking chair, and Bill wanders around picking things up and taking them to other rooms in the house.
Genevieve comes up to Victoria and just kind of looks at her.
Gabe picks her up and sets her down in his lap. "Victoria's going to have a baby," he explains.
"Like Mrs. Whiskers!"
"The neighbor's cat," Christine explains.
"Kind of like that, yeah."
"He's kicking," Victoria says. "Do you want to feel it?"
Genevieve looks up at Gabe and waits for him to nod before she reaches out toward Victoria.
Victoria takes her hand and puts it over where Tyler's been kicking the most. She can tell when he does it again hard enough to be felt, because Genevieve's eyes get really big and she squirms with her whole body.
"It kicked me!" Genevieve leans over to put both her hands on Victoria's stomach, and this time she jerks them both back and claps them together. "Mommy, it kicked me!"
"You used to do that," Christine tells her, "when you were in my tummy."
Genevieve looks at her mom and then Victoria with wide eyes. "Oh." She flings her whole body onto Victoria, her arms spread wide around Victoria's stomach.
Victoria oofs but says, "I'm okay," when both Gabe and Christine look like they're about to come to her rescue.
"He can hear you if you talk to him," Victoria tells her.
Genevieve looks up at her. "He can?"
Victoria runs her hand over Genevieve's hair. "He can. I talk to him all the time."
"What do you tell him?"
"All kinds of things," Victoria answers. "And your Uncle Gabe and I read him books."
Genevieve scrambles up. "I want to read him a book!" She runs off and comes back clutching a book. She clambers up between Gabe and Victoria and opens the book.
She can't actually read yet, but she points out the animals on the page and can name a handful of them: "Cow, duck, horsie."
She reads three books to the baby that way, and then sits in Gabe's lap and makes him read a book in Spanish.
The doorbell rings while Genevieve's choosing another book, and she comes careening down the hall to meet Christine at the door. "Grandma!"
Christine comes back with an older woman carrying Genevieve. Bill and Gabe both get up to greet her.
"You remember Gabe," Bill says.
"Of course." The woman who can only be Christine's mom leans up and Gabe leans down so they can exchange kisses on the cheek.
"It's good to see you again," Gabe says.
"And this is Victoria," Christine says. "This is my mom, Bobbi."
"Victoria's going to have a baby," Genevieve announces. "I read to it."
"You did?" Bobbi says before she shakes Victoria's hand.
"I did! And Uncle Gabe played in the pool with me."
"Oh, that sounds like fun," Bobbi says.
"Give us ten minutes to get ready," Christine says, "and then we can go."
Genevieve spends most of the time - Christine's ten minutes stretches out to be more like fifteen - showing her grandma her favorite toys and occasionally running back to put her hands on Victoria's stomach and feel Tyler kick.
Bill and Christine come back dressed to go out. Bill has his arm around Christine's waist, and there's a flush high on Christine's cheeks that isn't just makeup.
"Mommy, you're so pretty!" Genevieve goes to her mom to be picked up while Bill talks to Bobbi.
"With Gabe and Victoria here, she hasn't had a nap, so she'll probably crash early. We'll call if we're going to be later than midnight." Bill takes Genevieve from Christine and kisses her cheek. "You have fun with Grandma." He passes her on to Gabe.
"Ah, mi amor," Gabe says. "I had the best afternoon."
"Me too!" Genevieve plants a sloppy kiss on Gabe's cheek and lays her head on his shoulder. "I love you, Uncle Gabe."
"I love you too." Gabe kisses the top of Genevieve's head. "Can you say goodbye to Victoria too?"
Genevieve nods against his shoulder and waves at Victoria. "Bye-bye."
Victoria waves back. "Bye, Genevieve. Thank you for reading to the baby."
Gabe hands Genevieve over to her grandmother, but not before he kisses her cheek again.
Bobbi and Genevieve stand on the front porch and wave at them as they get into Bill and Christine's car. Gabe twists around and waves through the back window until they turn the corner.
Then he turns back and says, "I fucking love your kid."
Bill grins in the rearview mirror. "She's pretty great." Then he smirks. "Even more awesome than Tyler's going to be."
"No way," Gabe replies instantly. "Tyler's a Cobra. That automatically makes him more awesome than your kid."
Victoria can see his hands twitching restlessly, so she reaches out for one of them and puts it over her stomach so he can feel Tyler moving.
*
They leave Chicago early the next morning, after their show. Most of the bus goes to sleep, but Gabe never sleeps when they're moving and Victoria's worrying too much to sleep.
She curls up next to Gabe on the couch, leans in to put her head on his shoulder, and pulls his hand down over her stomach.
"Not tired?"
"Exhausted."
Gabe rubs her stomach. "Tyler keeping you up?"
"Sort of." Victoria sighs. "Being at Bill and Christine's. I don't know. Seeing their house." She sighs again. "I think I have to move to a bigger place."
"Yeah," Gabe says. "I've been thinking about that." He squeezes her close. "Just hear me out, okay? I don't have anywhere to live. I stayed with my dad when we were last home. I've been thinking about buying a place big enough for you and Tyler too. You can co-own it or pay me rent or whatever."
Victoria laughs and turns her head into Gabe's shoulder. "Yeah, right. You don't want to live with a baby. He's going to cry all the time, and it'll totally cramp your style."
"Did you really just say 'cramp my style'?"
Victoria looks up at Gabe laughing down at her before he turns serious again.
"Babe, I wouldn't offer to do this I didn't want to." Gabe plays with the ends of her hair. "I love kids. And I know you can do this by yourself, but you don't have to." He sighs and lets her hair drop. "Just think about it, okay? I would love to have Tyler cramp my style, and you'd have someone else around who can change diapers and take two-a.m. feedings."
"I'll think about it," Victoria promises on a yawn.
Gabe kisses the top of her head. "Good. Now go get some sleep."
At the door to the bunks, she turns back and says, "Thanks." She doesn't just mean his offer; she means everything from the time he invited her into his band to this very moment.
He seems to get it because he smiles softly, says, "You're welcome," and blows her a kiss.
*
They're on the home stretch, somewhere in Pennsylvania, all of them sick of life on a tour bus and Victoria's ankles swollen to the point she puts her feet up every time she sits down, when she sits down across from Gabe at the table and asks, "Are you sure you want to live with a baby?"
"I'm sure." Gabe looks like he can barely contain himself. "You in?"
Victoria's so used to having Gabe around, so used to him being a part of her whole pregnancy. As much as she knows she could be a kick-ass single mom, she doesn't want to have to give it up when they get home from tour.
"I'm in," she says, and Gabe whoops loud enough that Ryland yells at him to keep it down.
"I've had my realtor - a new one, with a confidentiality agreement - looking for places," Gabe says. "I can show you the listings for the ones that look good, and we can go look at places when we get back."
"You knew I'd say yes," Victoria accuses him.
"She's been sending me listings for smaller places too."
Victoria's still a little suspicious, but she only says, "Okay, show me what we're looking at."
Gabe gets his laptop and Victoria vetoes half the places the realtor sent him.
"I'm narrowing it down," she says, when he sighs heavily at another place she turns down.
"You're pickier than I am." Gabe keeps taking her through listings until they have a reasonable number of places to look at when they get home.
"Real estate?" Ryland asks when he wanders by and sees what they're doing.
"Victoria," Gabe declares, "has agreed to be my roommate."
"Watch out," Alex calls from down the bus. "He'll lock you out one day and keep Tyler for himself."
"Fuck you," Gabe yells back. "I wouldn't take him away from his mom."
Nate sits down across from Victoria with a plate of reheated leftovers. "If you're living with him, does this mean I get out of babysitting?"
"Sometimes," Gabe says very patiently, "mommies and daddies like to go out without their kids, and that's when big brothers have to stay home and watch their little brothers."
Nate flips him off and asks, "Do big brothers get their own rooms?"
"No way," Victoria says. "You'd only draw dicks all over it and I hate repainting."
"So what," Nate says, "no guest room?"
"Just a couch," Gabe says. He reaches across the table and ruffles Nate's hair. "I know you miss the basement, but now it's time for you to live on your own."
Nate ducks out from under his hand.
Alex comes to look over Gabe and Victoria's shoulders. "It's been, like, five years since the basement." He points at the listing on the screen. "Not that place. Shitty kitchen."
"Apartment hunting by committee," Gabe grumbles, but there's a smile on his face, and Victoria knows he loves it.
*
They finish the tour rather improbably in Rhode Island.
"So you know," Gabe tells the crowd as he crosses the stage to Victoria, "that our very own Victoria is about to become a mother."
The crowd responds with a roar that only makes Gabe grin harder.
"And this is our last show before that happens," he continues. "So we have a little surprise for Victoria and the baby."
This is when Victoria starts to worry, because this is something she hasn't been in on, and she knows what sort of antics Gabe likes to get up to.
"And we need your help."
Ryland plays a little riff and Nate plays a roll on the snare.
Gabe puts his arm around Victoria. "So sing along, if you know the words." He smacks a kiss onto Victoria's cheek, and then crosses the stage again as the rest of the band starts to play.
Gabe sings the absolute dirtiest version of "Hush, Little Baby" that Victoria's ever heard. It's actually pretty impressive given that the only change he makes to the lyrics is to substitute "Papi" for "Papa."
When they finish, the crowd yells for them. Victoria steps up to her mic before Gabe can launch into his next bit of patter.
"If you think that's going to get you anywhere near my kid," she says, throwing him a warning look that's both big enough to be seen from the back row and completely manufactured.
"Aww, baby," he croons. "Don't be like that. You know I'm the best uncle ever."
Before Victoria can even come up with a comeback, Ryland says, "Gabe's the kind of uncle who takes you out and gets you drunk. When you're thirteen."
The crowd laughs and hollers, and Gabe launches into a possibly fabricated story about the first time he got drunk.
Victoria uses the moment to revel in just how fucking much she loves this.
*
Victoria doesn't even bother to argue when Gabe insists on helping her get home when they get back to New York. By now she knows it's not going to do any good. She's even grateful for the help when they get there and have to ferry suitcases and boxes of fan gifts upstairs. Thank God the elevator's working.
Victoria leaves Gabe unloading things onto her floor of the building while she goes down the hall to unlock the door. Gizmo comes running as soon as she opens it. He leaps as high as he can and rests his paws against her legs, his tail wagging wildly.
Victoria lets the bag over her shoulder slip to the floor as she carefully crouches to scoop him up. "Hi, baby."
Gizmo's tail keeps going, and he licks sloppily over her face.
Victoria laughs and holds him closer. "Oh, I missed you too." She finally looks up from Gizmo to find Amber practically vibrating in the doorway. Victoria puts Gizmo down to yap at them from the floor.
"Look at you!" Amber rushes forward as soon as Victoria's arms are free.
"I'm huge!" Victoria laughs. She hugs Amber back, both of them bouncing a little.
"No, you look amazing," Amber says. She steps back a little and looks Victoria over. "Totally amazing." She steps in and they hug again.
"You ladies going to stand around or are you going to help?" Gabe calls from down the hall.
"I'm in a delicate condition," Victoria calls back.
"He's flipping you off," Amber reports.
"Let him." Victoria takes Gizmo and the bag she'd dropped onto the floor into her place. Four months away, and it's totally unfamiliar to her, so different from their tour bus and the occasional hotel room.
"Okay, baby," she says to Gizmo, "you have to stay out of the way. I don't want Gabe stepping on you."
"I'm very careful," Gabe says from the doorway. He drops one of her bags in the hallway, smirks, and heads back out to grab the rest of it.
"I'll help," Amber volunteers.
Victoria goes with them, and it only takes one more trip to get everything inside, even with Gizmo running around underfoot.
"The boxes enough out of your way?" Gabe asks. "You could just leave them there."
The boxes are stacked along her hallway, but there's enough room for her to get by them, even as big as she is.
"Yeah, they're good."
Gabe hugs her tight. "Okay, babe. I'm headed out to Jersey to see my pops." He kisses the top of her head. "We have an appointment with the realtor at one tomorrow. I'll pick you up. Call me if you need anything before then."
Victoria rolls her eyes. "I think I'll be okay until tomorrow afternoon."
Gabe leans down and says to her stomach, "You be good for your mamá and I'll sing you something tomorrow."
"I don't think he's old enough to be bribed yet," Victoria says.
Gabe smiles up at her with his adorable little boy grin. "Never too early to start bribing them."
Victoria can't resist smiling back at him. "That's not what all the books you made me read say."
"I'm the bad influence," Gabe reminds her. He hugs her again and says, "I'll see you tomorrow," before grabbing his bags and leaving.
"Realtor?" Amber asks.
"Realtor." Victoria heads past her to the couch and lets Gizmo jump up onto her lap. "We're going in on an apartment together."
"That sounds serious." Amber settles down on the other end of the couch.
"It's not like that," Victoria protests.
Amber doesn't look impressed. Maybe Victoria should have told her earlier, over the phone where she wouldn't have to see Amber's skepticism.
"Really, it's not. He needs a new place to live and I don't think this place is big enough for me and Gizmo and a baby, and he's willing to help out with Tyler, so it makes sense."
Amber throws a cushion at her that Victoria barely deflects before it hits Gizmo. "You're practically married already."
"Whatever." Victoria cuddles Gizmo under her chin. "Gabe and I aren't like that."
"Sure you're not," Amber says.
"We're not!" Victoria changes the subject. "I love your dress."
Amber glares at her, but goes with it. "I found it in this awesome vintage place. The woman running it's about seventy years old, and she has the best stuff. Dresses, shoes, and this really kickass collection of jewelry. I have to take you there."
Victoria pats her stomach. "After Tyler's born. I won't fit into anything vintage now, and I don't want more stuff I'm just going to have to pack." She looks around the living room. "Fuck. Packing's going to be a bitch."
"I'll help," Amber offers.
"That's why you're my best friend."
*
Gabe texts her at 11:30 and asks what she wants for lunch, and then shows up at noon with pepperoni pizza for her and vegetarian for him. Victoria feeds Gizmo slices of pepperoni and lets him lick her fingers.
"Baby spit up's going to be nothing to you," Gabe says.
"Human saliva has way more bacteria than dog saliva," Victoria counters. Before they leave, she washes her hands under Gabe's watchful eye.
In the cab on the way to the first building, Gabe says, "We don't have to do all of them today. If you need to rest, we'll stop."
Victoria nods and rubs her stomach where it feels like Tyler's tossing and turning. "Okay."
They meet the realtor in the lobby. She's exactly what Victoria would expect of a realtor based on what she's seen of them on TV: blonde hair, perfectly made up, expensive suit and heels.
She comes toward them with her right hand already extended. "Gabe, good to see you again." She shakes Gabe's hand and then says, "And you must be Victoria."
"Uh, yeah." Victoria shakes her hand.
"I'm Diane. It's so nice to meet you." Diane holds out an arm toward the elevator. "Should we go up?" She takes them into the elevator and keeps talking. "Gabe tells me you've looked at the listings for all the places we're going to look at today."
"Yeah, our whole band did." Victoria exchanges a smile with Gabe.
"Great," Diane says. "So you know what we're in for. Everything we're looking at today is pre-war, converted to residential in the last thirty years, twenty-four hour doormen, basement storage." The elevator dings for their floor, and Diane leads them down the hall to first apartment.
Gabe asks a lot of questions and takes notes on his phone. Victoria shouldn't be surprised by how knowledgeable and businesslike he is - he has done this before, and he has a head for business - but she is, and somehow that, more than anything, brings home how real this is. She's buying real estate with Gabe.
She takes in the first two places in something of a daze.
The third place, in a building just around the corner from Gabe and Bianca's old place, catches her attention. It has the high ceilings and large windows Gabe likes. The floors are wood, and beautiful. The previous owners painted one of the kitchen walls a deep turquoise and one in the living room a deep purple.
While Diane tells Gabe whatever it is realtors tell people about places they're trying to sell, Victoria wanders down the hall to look at the rest of the place.
Gabe finds her ten minutes later looking out the windows of one of the bedrooms. "Babe?"
"This is Tyler's room." Victoria turns around. "The one across the hall is mine. You get the master."
"We still have three more places to look at," Gabe says mildly.
"It doesn't matter. This is it." Victoria walks up to him so she's only inches away. "You saw the purple wall."
Gabe's mouth turns up into a smile. "It does seem like a sign."
Gabe pokes at everything, turns on faucets, opens and closes windows and doors, flips light switches. He also asks a million questions. Victoria listens to the ones about the fixtures and cabinetry and ignores the ones about the list price and co-op fees. She trusts Gabe with all of that.
Gabe tells Diane they want to make an offer, and they take a cab back to her office to talk their way through all the details that go into that. Victoria never knew this was so complicated, and she completely zones out on the discussion, only snapping back to it when Gabe asks if there's anything she wants to add to it.
She says, "No," and her exhaustion must come through, because he touches her arm gently and gets them out of there less than ten minutes later.
"You were supposed to tell me when you were tired," he admonishes. He flags down a cab and holds the door for her before going around to the other side.
"I wanted to get it done."
"We could have done it tomorrow." Gabe takes her hand. "It's not worth wearing you out."
Victoria groans. "You're so overprotective." She squeezes his hand. "I'm okay, and we need to do this as soon as possible. I'm still going to have to pack, and Tyler needs a crib and whatever else I don't have yet."
"Babe," Gabe says, "it'll be okay. We have the list of what you got at the baby shower, and we can sort through the boxes of gifts before we move if you want so you know what else you don't need, and you can hire movers to pack for you."
"It just seems like so much work." Victoria's annoyed at the tremble in her voice. She's been so good at not crying recently.
Gabe scoots over and puts his arms around her. "It's going to be fine. My shit's all packed already, so I can help with yours. And then we're going to have enough space for you and me and Tyler and Gizmo, and it's going to be great." He kisses the top of her head. "I promise."
"You can't know that," Victoria says against his shoulder. She doesn't start crying, though.
"Of course I can," Gabe says. "I'm Gabe Saporta, and I can do that."
It works to make her laugh.
"There you go." Gabe doesn't let go of her until the cab stops in front of her building.
*
Victoria spends the next two days sleeping late, doing laundry, and taking Gizmo out for walks. Gabe calls or texts at least twice a day, once with an update about the apartment counteroffer, but mostly just to talk to her.
On the third day, Gabe comes over and they sit on the floor to sort through the boxes of gifts from fans.
"I love our fans," Victoria says, "but some of them have terrible taste." She holds up a mustard yellow t-shirt with the slogan "Baby's Baby" in a hideous brown so Gabe can see it before she tosses it into the box of stuff they're giving away.
"And people think I dress badly." Gabe holds up another shirt. "How do you feel about putting Tyler in pink?"
Victoria shrugs. "Sure. No skirts, though."
Gabe carefully folds the pink shirt and puts it in the keep box.
Except for the books, they weren't very careful about how they packed things up on tour, so clothes, toys, and baby blankets are all mixed together. Gabe makes her repack the things they're keeping much more neatly. He also keeps a tally that he adds on to the list from the baby shower.
"You don't need to buy clothes for the first year."
"Or blankets ever." Victoria scoots over next to Gabe so she can look at the list too as he scrolls through it. "We need a list of what I do need to buy."
Gabe starts a new list. Victoria puts furniture at the top of it. Gabe adds a car seat and a stroller.
"This is a week's worth of shopping right here," Gabe says.
Victoria groans. "And I don't want to do any of it before we move."
Gabe puts his arm around her. "Some it's stuff we can pick out and have delivered later."
Victoria pulls up the calendar on her phone. It has a blissful stretch of free days interspersed with her last handful of doctor's appointments. "When are we going?"
Gabe looks down at her calendar. "After your appointment on Tuesday?"
Victoria adds it to the calendar and then puts her phone down. "Sometimes I still can't believe I'm going to be a mom."
"Me either," Gabe says. "It seems like just yesterday you were this quiet little girl whose ex Alex knew."
Victoria sighs and then says, "Speaking of exes."
Gabe stiffens next to her, and she doesn't turn to see what kind of look is on his face.
"I don't know what I need to do about Jack, to make sure he can't have Tyler."
Gabe exhales a heavy breath. "I got the name of a lawyer. She's supposed to be very, very good. Her assistant said she'd squeeze you in whenever you called." Gabe picks up her phone and puts the number into it. "I can come with you."
"No." Victoria turns so she can hug Gabe. "I need to do this one myself."
*
Victoria calls Ashlee that evening.
"Sweetie," Ashlee answers, "I was just thinking about you."
Ashlee never fails to make her smile.
"It's been way too long," Victoria says. "How are you?"
"Amazing," Ashlee says. "Pete took Bronx to the park and out to dinner for some father-son time, and I've been lazing around the house all day. But how are you?"
"Overwhelmed," Victoria admits. "I'm huge, I keep crying for no reason, and I have boxes of baby stuff cluttering up my hallway."
"Oh, sweetie. It's only a couple more months. I know it's a total cliche, but you'll forget all about this when you see your baby."
"You didn't do it again, though," Victoria points out.
"Not yet," Ashlee says. "There's still time."
"Do you want more?"
"I don't know. Pete would do it, but we're both so busy. I'm not sure it would be fair to split up the time we have for Bronx now. Are you thinking about having more kids already?"
Victoria groans. "I just want to get through this one. Did you know Gabe and I are buying a place?"
"Pete mentioned it."
"Yeah, so that's making this all a little more stressful. I can't do all the shopping I need to do because we're just going to move. Plus I have to go talk to a lawyer to make sure Jack can't get anywhere near Tyler - did I tell you I'm naming him Tyler? - and I think I hurt Gabe's feelings when I told him he couldn't come with me for that."
"He'll get over it, you didn't, and that asshole has no right to your kid."
"Thanks," Victoria says, and then she sniffles and her eyes well up with tears. "Shit. I'm crying again."
"I cried so much when I was pregnant. Pete didn't know what do. He kept trying to feed me ice cream."
Victoria manages a watery laugh. "Gabe keeps telling me it'll be okay."
"You should listen to him," Ashlee says softly. "He's right about that."
*
Victoria meets Amber for brunch on Sunday, and then they go back to Victoria's and pack all of her pre-pregnancy clothes and shoes - she's been wearing only flats for a couple of months now - into boxes.
"Fuck," Victoria says. "Thank God we're starting this early." She puts her hands at the small of her back and stretches.
Amber looks around her bedroom. "This is going to take a while."
"We don't have to do everything. Gabe says I should hire movers. They can take care of a lot of it. We just have to do the stuff I don't want them getting into."
"Well, we already got your underwear drawer." Amber points at her. "You've been holding out on me."
Victoria flushes. "Yeah, I kind of ramped up my lingerie collection for a while there."
"How tired are you?" Amber asks. "I could go for something new. You can take me wherever you were shopping."
One of the things Victoria doesn't like about being pregnant is that the clothes aren't as exciting. Even if she can't buy anything, she can look. "We have to stop for lunch on the way."
Amber agrees, and they stop for sandwiches before Victoria takes her to La Petite Coquette where Rebecca, the owner, buzzes them in. Victoria helps Amber pick out a bunch of things to try on and then sits down in a chair by the dressing room to offer her opinion.
When Amber gets to a red satin and lace negligee that Victoria owns in black, Victoria starts to cry. She's really starting to hate that.
Amber comes right over and wraps her arms around her. "Don't cry," she says.
"It's just the stupid pregnancy hormones," Victoria chokes out. "And you look so good, and I have the same thing in black, and I'm never going to have anyone to wear it for again."
"Oh, V," Amber says. "That's not true."
"It is." Victoria digs into her purse for the package of Kleenex she knows is in there. "No one's going to want to date me with Tyler around."
"Plenty of single moms date." Amber takes her purse from her and finds the Kleenex. "You'll have someone to wear all that stuff for again."
Victoria takes the Kleenex from her and wipes her eyes. "I don't think so," she sniffles.
Amber hugs her tight again. "Of course you will."
Rebecca brings her a glass of water, and Victoria calms down enough for Amber to keep trying things on. She doesn't buy the negligee.
*
Gabe picks her up on Tuesday morning and goes with her to see Doctor Sanders. Her chart, with paperwork from doctors all over the country, is insanely thick.
"I'm glad to see you kept up with your appointments," Doctor Sanders says.
Victoria rubs her stomach. "I want what's best for Tyler." She smiles at Doctor Sanders. "That's what I'm naming him."
Doctor Sanders smiles back at her. "That's a nice name. It's good that you're using it already." She puts Victoria's chart down on the counter. "How are you feeling?"
Victoria tells her the same thing she told Ashlee: "A little overwhelmed. I keep crying."
Doctor Sanders nods. "That can happen. How often are you crying?"
Victoria shrugs. "Maybe every day or every other day."
Gabe puts his hand in the center of her back. Victoria takes in a deep breath; it's comforting to feel his hand there.
"The best thing you can do for that," Doctor Sanders says, "is just keep your stress levels down."
Victoria laughs. "I'm not sure that's going to happen. We're trying to buy an apartment and move before Tyler's born."
"I'm doing most of the business stuff for the apartment, and Victoria's going to hire movers," Gabe says. He rubs his thumb against her back. "We're going to make this as easy on you as possible," he says softly.
"Moving is still a lot of stress. Keep an eye on it," Doctor Sanders says to both of them. "Make sure you take lots of breaks, and if you start crying more, call me. Some of it is just normal hormones, but if gets worse, we'll want to see if it's something we need to look into." She stands up and pats the table. "Hop on up, and let's see how Tyler's doing."
She does the poking and prodding and listening to Tyler's heartbeat that Victoria's used to by now. "Everything looks good to me. Do you have any questions?"
"What about a Lamaze class?" Gabe asks. "We're running a little late on that, but we should probably do something about it now." He smiles winningly at Doctor Sanders, and it seems like she likes him more than she likes Victoria.
Doctor Sanders gets a stapled sheaf of papers from a wall pocket and hands it to Gabe. "This is a list of childbirth classes in the area. If you're going to do one, you should decide what kind of class you want. Lamaze isn't your only option, although it is the one people are most familiar with."
"If?" Victoria asks.
"Childbirth classes can be helpful," Doctor Sanders says. "They connect you with other expecting moms, and give you another person you can ask questions. But you don't have to do them." She smiles at them. "I saw in the notes in your chart that you've been reading a lot and asking questions. That's pretty good prep. It's really up to what makes you the most comfortable."
It's not what they show on TV, but some of the books said the same thing.
"We'll think about it," Victoria says.
Gabe doesn't have any other questions, and neither does Victoria, so they get on a bus and head down to Union Square for lunch before they hit up Babies R Us.
"You didn't tell me you were crying so much."
Victoria's surprised it took him so long to bring it up.
"It's not a big deal. Really," she insists when he still looks worried. "You heard what Doctor Sanders said. It's just the hormones." She makes a face. "It's kind of embarrassing sometimes, but I'm dealing."
"Will you tell me if you're not?"
"Yes." Victoria reaches out to touch his hand. "I promise. If it gets worse, I'll tell you and Doctor Sanders."
Gabe turns his hand over and takes hers. "You can tell me to fuck off."
Victoria laughs. "I've lived with you on a fucking tour bus for years. I can handle you hassling me about my pregnancy crying."
Gabe taps his fingers against her hand. "Okay." He smirks. "Then I'll keep hassling." He lives up to it and says, "Do you want to do a childbirth class?"
Victoria sits back and pulls her hand away as the waiter brings their food. "I don't think so. I've talked to Ashlee and my mom, and every other woman who's ever given birth, and we've been reading books for months." She stops when something occurs to her, and her voice comes out a lot smaller when she asks, "You're going to be there, right?"
"Babe, yes." Gabe actually gets up and comes around to her side of the table where he crouches down and puts his arms around her, giant stomach and all. "Yes, of course I'm going to be there."
Victoria refuses to let that make her cry, but she does put her arms around him too and lean her cheek against the top of his head. Then she pulls back and says, "We're like a bad romantic comedy."
Gabe stands up and goes back to his own side of the table. "We're too cool for that. Maybe an independent student film." He flashes her a grin. "One of those ones where everything ends happily ever after."
After lunch, they spend two hours in Babies R Us adding things to a registry with a scanner until Victoria's too worn out to keep going. They catch a cab back to her place and spend the rest of the afternoon watching the second season of Gossip Girl on DVD.
*
On Thursday, Victoria gets up and dressed early and takes the subway downtown to meet with the lawyer. The office is horribly intimidating, everything luxurious and extravagant, and the assistant who walks Victoria down the hall is wearing an outfit more expensive than most of the items in even Victoria's wardrobe.
The lawyer herself is no less intimidating, even when she smiles and says, "Good morning. I'm Louise," and leads Victoria to a pair of chairs in the corner of her spacious office instead of sitting across the desk from her. Louise pours Victoria a glass of water and sits back with a legal pad on her knee. "What can I help you with?"
"Custody." Victoria gestures at her stomach. "He cheated on me, and then I found out I was pregnant, and I don't want him anywhere near my son."
Louise takes notes on her pad. "Are you in contact with him now?"
Victoria bites her lip. "No, but he has to know."
Louise quirks an eyebrow at her.
"I'm in a band," Victoria explains. "Cobra Starship. He's in another band, All Time Low, and people knew we were dating, and now that I'm pregnant, he has to know he's the father. I never cheated on him."
"But he hasn't contacted you?"
"No." Victoria flattens her hands over her stomach and lets Tyler kick at them. "Not since the end of the tour we were on when I got pregnant."
Louise nods. "That's good. The first thing you want to do is not to put his name on the birth certificate. It's only a stopgap measure. If he really wants to claim paternity, he can petition the court for a DNA test, but unless he does that, you will be your son's only legal parent. If he does petition the court, then things get trickier. The fact that he hasn't contacted you is good. It shows he doesn't have a vested interest in the child, and we can argue that in court."
"Court?" Victoria asks. "Would we have to do that?"
"I'm afraid so." Louise smiles, and it's not as comforting as Victoria would like. "New York State law provides for the rights and responsibilities of both parents. If he decides to go after custody, it would most likely go to court. It sounds like we have a good start on showing that he's an unfit parent. We might be able to have his rights terminated, but that's a long shot."
It's almost too much for Victoria to take in, and she wishes she'd brought Gabe after all.
"If you meet someone else," Louise continues, "and you want him to adopt, then it gets easier. If the biological father hasn't contacted the child for six months, then his rights can be involuntarily terminated in favor of a step-parent."
Marriage is so far from Victoria's mind. "What if we weren't married?" A boyfriend for life is way easier to comprehend.
"Second parent adoptions are legal in New York," Louise answers. "It could be done."
"But there's nothing I can do now?"
"Don't put his name on the birth certificate. You'll also want to write a will designating a guardian for your son in the event of your death. If you don't and the biological father asks for custody, he will almost certainly get it."
Victoria sucks in a breath. "No way. What do I need to do to make a will?"
They spend the rest of Victoria's appointment hashing out details of her will and making a list of what other information she needs to get to Louise, and she makes a follow-up appointment on her way out.
Victoria holds it together until she gets home, and then she holds Gizmo to her chest and cries, and she's pretty sure this isn't just hormones. Gizmo licks at her cheeks and whines fretfully, and she ignores the buzzing of her phone.
She washes her face after she's cried herself out, and puts her Victoria-Cobra-Midtown-Ivy League mix on so Tyler can hear his family's voices even though she's not up to talking.
She has three missed calls - one from her mom and two from Gabe - and two texts from Gabe: How'd it go? and In the city. Can I come over?
She sends back, Bring ice cream.
Gabe shows up an hour later. After she lets him in, he puts the shopping bag down on the stack of boxes still in the hallway and wraps his arms around her. It's enough to start her crying again.
"Babe," he says once, helplessly, and then they just stand there while she cries.
Victoria pulls back and rubs at her eyes with the heels of her hands. "You know where the bowls are." She goes to wipe her eyes for real, with a Kleenex this time, and grimaces at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are red and her whole face is puffy.
Gabe bought the good stuff, Häagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip, and he has a large bowl of it waiting for her. Tyler makes her too heavy to actually sit in Gabe's lap, but she gets as close to it as she can, pressed tight against him on the couch with her head on his shoulder.
"If he wants to," Victoria says, "he can petition the court for a paternity test, and then I'd have to go to court and fight for custody."
Gabe swears in Spanish and then in English. "He's never getting custody. We'll run away to a non-extradition country before that happens."
Victoria doesn't want to laugh, but she does. "Gabe."
"I'm serious." Gabe presses a kiss to her temple. "He's never getting Tyler. Keep your passport up to date."
Victoria sits up and turns to look at Gabe, because she thought so before, but now she's sure. "The lawyer's also drawing up a will for me, so he can't get Tyler if anything happens to me. Will you take Tyler if I die?"
Gabe's eyes get very wide, and his answer is almost too soft to be heard, but he says, "Yes. Yes, of course."
*
The next few weeks pass in a blur. Gabe takes Victoria shopping, to her doctor's appointments, and to his dad's house in Jersey for dinner. Amber comes over every weekend to help Victoria pack up bits and pieces of her apartment. Victoria signs the will Louise draws up for her and gathers up a seemingly endless collection of documents and information for the co-op application.
They have to go to an interview, too, where they answer questions about their intentions for the apartment, their finances, and their future as a band. Gabe is a hell of a lot richer than Victoria ever imagined, and half the interview board coos over Victoria's stomach and asks about paint colors for the nursery.
"I told you that would work to your advantage," Diane says when they call her on speakerphone to tell her how it went.
Two days later, she calls them back and tells them the co-op board approved their application. Two weeks after that, they sign a bunch of papers and Victoria becomes the co-owner of a ridiculously expensive apartment. Gabe dances her around the office, both of them laughing, and then makes plans to paint Tyler's room and let the place air out for a couple of days before they move in.
*
They go out to dinner with Gabe's dad, Alex and Lauren, Ryland and Meredith, and a handful of Gabe's other friends for Gabe's birthday. Diego heads back to Jersey afterwards while everyone else makes plans to go out.
"I'll meet up with you in a bit," Gabe says. "I'm going to take Victoria home."
Victoria rolls her eyes and lets him help her with her coat. "I can get home by myself."
"I don't mind."
Victoria wraps her scarf around her neck. "I do." Gabe hasn't moved away, and Victoria puts her hand on his chest. "It's your birthday. I'll let you put me in a cab, and I'll text you when I get home, but you're not coming with me."
Gabe hails her a cab. "Text me as soon as you get home."
"I will. I promise." Victoria leans up and kisses his cheek. "Stop worrying and go have fun."
She waits until she's all the way up in her apartment, Gizmo rushing around the packed boxes everywhere to jump on her, before she texts, Home safe. Happy birthday! :)
*
Moving day is a disaster. Victoria cries roughly twice an hour, and sometime in the middle of hour four, she yells at Gabe.
"This was a stupid idea! I can't believe I agreed to this!" She's crying, too, and the movers edge around them carefully. "I would've been better off by myself!" It wasn't even anything important that set her off, just a question of which way to turn the dining room table, and the movers are clearly trying to avoid the crazy pregnant lady, and Gabe gets this horrible pinched look on his face and picks up her phone from the counter.
Victoria's still crying fifteen minutes later, huddled on a corner of the couch, when Amber shows up.
"Come on, V," she says. "Let's get out of here for a while."
Victoria does her best to stop crying, and she and Amber take the bus back to Amber's place.
"I just fucking lost it," Victoria sniffles when she's curled up on Amber's couch instead of her own.
"Moving's stressful." Amber makes them both cups of chamomile tea with lots of honey.
Victoria wraps her hands around her mug and feels like shit. "I yelled at Gabe." She grimaces. "Like, a lot."
Amber puts an arm around her shoulders. "He'll understand."
"Maybe." Victoria sips her tea. They watch bad movies on cable all afternoon.
She doesn't let Amber come back with her when she goes home, but she does agree to take a cab instead of the subway.
The movers are gone, and Gabe is unpacking boxes in the kitchen. His face is as guarded as she's ever seen it when he looks up and asks, "Have you eaten?"
Victoria shakes her head. She doesn't quite know what to say. She bends down to scratch behind Gizmo's ears.
"Chinese?"
"Sure." Victoria digs through the stack of menus Gabe hands her until she finds one, and she calls in their order. She sits down at the dining room table - turned the way she'd wanted - and watches Gabe put things away in drawers and cabinets.
It's tense, and it doesn't get any better when the food gets there. They eat in the living room with the TV on the collection of video clips and reality shows MTV plays these days.
They switch to something with an actual plot later, but Victoria's too worn out to pay attention to it. She's the kind of tired that makes going to bed seem like more work than it's worth, but she forces herself off the couch. "I'm going to crash."
"I put your sheets on your bed," Gabe tells her, still cautious and quiet.
Victoria's so pathetically grateful she has to blink back tears. "Thanks," she manages around the lump in her throat.
She brushes her teeth, changes into pajamas, and falls into bed. Once she's there, she can't sleep, but cries quietly. She doesn't want to have ruined this before it even started.
"I'm sorry," she whispers to Tyler just in case.
She can hear Gabe's footsteps in the hall, and then the soft sound of her door opening. She doesn't quite dare to look, but she listens to Gabe come into her room and sit down on the edge of her bed. He touches her hair, and her next sob comes out as a loud gasp.
"Victoria," Gabe sighs.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. It's easier to apologize in the dark where she can't see him. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."
The bed shifts, her sheets rustle, and then Gabe's there with her, lying at her back and resting one hand on her stomach. "Go to sleep," he whispers. "You and Tyler need the rest."
*
Victoria wakes up feeling still kind of wrung out, but better, like she hasn't fucked everything up. The floors are cold against her feet, and she pulls on a pair of socks before she shuffles out to the kitchen.
Gabe has a bowl of batter and a waffle iron she didn't even know they had out on the counter. "Waffle?"
"Yeah." Victoria comes around the counter while he pours batter into the waffle iron. After he closes the waffle iron, she wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his chest. "Thanks for putting up with me," she mumbles into his shirt.
Gabe hugs her back. "Someday," he says, his voice making his chest rumble against her cheek, "Tyler's not going to want to do his chores and I'm going to be able to tell him, 'I put up with your mom when she was pregnant with you. The least you can do is take out the garbage.'"
Victoria laughs, and then closes her eyes and breathes in the familiar smells of Gabe and laundry detergent. Gabe only pushes her away when her waffle's done. She takes the waffle, butter, and maple syrup - she didn't know they had that either - to the table, and Gabe brings her a glass of orange juice while he waits for the next waffle to cook.
"Did you go shopping?" Victoria's pretty sure they didn't have orange juice when they moved in yesterday.
"While you were out yesterday."
Gabe makes a pretty good waffle, and he drops batter for another one on the iron before he sits down with his. It's comfortable, and familiar, having breakfast with Gabe, although a little quieter and less cramped than their bus.
"The stuff for Tyler's room is getting delivered today." Gabe quirks his eyebrows at her. "You going to freak out about it?"
Victoria actually considers it. "No," she says, "I don't think so." She hooks her ankles around the rung of her chair. "I need slippers."
Gabe blinks a little at the change of subject, but he says, "Okay," and gets her a second waffle.
*
Victoria's tugging at the crib to make sure Gabe's assembled it correctly and it's not going to fall apart with Tyler in it when the buzzer sounds. Gabe goes to answer it, and he comes back a few minutes later with a delivery guy who deposits a giant box in the middle of the nursery. They already have a crib, a combination changing table and dresser, a toy box, and a bookshelf.
"What the fuck?"
Gabe grins at her. "A present. From me to you and Tyler." He takes to the package with the same pair of scissors he used to cut open the other boxes, and he carefully takes apart cardboard and packaging until he gets down to what's in the box. It's the most beautiful rocking chair Victoria has ever seen, made of some kind of lustrous, dark wood, with a high back and curved seat. When she runs her hand along the grain of it, it's completely smooth against her skin.
Gabe pulls the rest of the packaging out from under the rockers and says, "Try it out."
Victoria carefully lowers herself down into it and rocks experimentally. She can imagine sitting in it with Tyler in her arms. She puts her hands over her stomach and says, "Feel that? Gabe bought us a rocking chair." Tyler moves against her, and she smiles up at Gabe. "I think he likes it. Thank you. This is amazing."
Gabe smiles softly. "Well," he says, "I hadn't really gotten you anything yet."
Victoria gapes up at him. "You got me this place, for starters. You made sure I didn't have to read the shitty baby books. You took care of publicity. You've been there for my doctor's appointments. Christ, Gabe, you've been the best fucking present I could've gotten."
Gabe's smile shades with a hint of embarrassment. He doesn't always take compliments well. "Does that mean you don't want the rocking chair?"
Victoria grips the chair's arms. "Hell no. I love the rocking chair. We're keeping this."
*
They spend a week unpacking and figuring out where to keep things in the common areas. They pack away most of the pregnancy and parenting books, and Gabe takes them to the basement storage while Victoria arranges the ones they're keeping handy on a shelf in the living room. They take turns running loads of baby clothes through the washing machine so they'll be soft and clean for Tyler. Gabe forbids Victoria to lift anything heavy.
They get everything put away and straightened out in time for the housewarming party Gabe already invited people to. They enlist Alex to cook, and he approves of their kitchen if not their kitchenware. Diego comes into the city and Nate flies out to spend a few days hanging out and come to the party.
"The party ends when you want it to," Gabe says beforehand. "You say the word, and we'll kick everyone out."
People bring gifts for the baby, bottles of wine, and desserts. Diego brings a bottle of sparkling cider for Victoria.
"Gabriel," Diego says in his heavily accented English, "is so happy to be a part of the life of you and your baby."
Victoria squeezes his arm. "I'm so happy to have him be a part of it too." She smiles. "He's a good boy."
Diego grins at her, an older version of Gabe's teasing grin, and says, "You don't have to lie to me. I know he can be a handful."
Victoria giggles. "He can, but he's been very helpful." They turn to look across the apartment at Gabe, and he grins at them. Every time Victoria looks for him, he's looking back. It's comforting to know he's there.
"Oh, no," Lauren laughs when Gabe looks at her as she's trying out the rocking chair. "Alex and I aren't having any. You'll have to rely on Victoria to provide the next generation of Cobras."
The party started early, so it breaks up early. Gabe sends Victoria to sit down and makes Nate help clean up.
"How did I get stuck with this?" he bitches. "I don't even live here."
"You don't have a girlfriend, and you're the baby," Gabe says. "That makes you my bitch."
Nate flips him off. "That's not fair." He tries appealing to Victoria. "Are you going to let him treat Tyler like this when he's the baby?"
"I'll be the one making Tyler clean up," Victoria says. "And don't think you're going to get out of it even when he's old enough to help. You'll always be our bitch."
Gabe walks by the couch and high-fives her.
Part 3
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Date: 2009-11-27 04:00 am (UTC):-)
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Date: 2009-11-27 05:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-06 05:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-06 05:03 pm (UTC)