Fic: Love Me Like A Man (Buffy, Spike/Xander, 11,500 words, FRAO, 2/2)

[rsadelle]

Part 1

Day 76

"Why are we watching this anyway?" Xander asked.

"'S a horror movie," Spike pointed out. "Got lots of mayhem and death."

"Spike," Xander said patiently, "it's a bad horror movie. We killed things scarier than that last night."

Spike reached for the popcorn. "A tradition, though, innit?"

Xander took the bowl back from Spike. "What's that? Stealing my food? Low-level torture?"

Spike swiped the popcorn again. "No, you idiot. Date night. Popcorn and horror movies."

Xander stilled in the process of taking the bowl back. "So this is a date?"

Spike looked sideways at him. "Yeah," he said. "Thought you knew that."

Xander relaxed back against the couch. "Okay," he said, "and a horror movie is your idea of a good date?"

"Mayhem and death," Spike explained. "Get to snuggle during the scary parts."

"For that to work, this would need to have actual scary parts."

Spike watched the movie meditatively. "Could always pretend."

Xander scooted over and put his arm around Spike. "Sure," he said, and Spike relaxed against him. "This is a terrible movie," he said after another ten minutes of horror that wasn't.

Spike twisted against him. "There's 'nother acceptable horror movie tradition," he said. "Could just snog." He tipped his face up to Xander.

Xander put one hand on Spike's face, palm over Spike's cheek, thumb brushing over Spike's lips. It wasn't like he hadn't been wanting this. "Yeah," and the word was barely out before he was kissing Spike.

It was awkward at first, as Xander learned what Spike felt like, but after that kissing Spike was fantastic. Spike fit comfortably against him, one leg thrown over Xander's and breasts pressed against Xander's chest.

Spike shoved Xander down onto his back, and he'd always liked strong women. Xander held Spike to him, one hand in his hair, one on his back, and worked one leg between Spike's. He let the hand on Spike's back slowly slide lower. Spike was predictably shameless and he pushed hard against Xander.

A scream made them jerk apart, startled and wary. Xander figured it out first and laughed.

"The movie," he said. Spike stared at him, wide-eyed and panting, for a long moment before he turned to look at the girl dying a gruesome death on the screen.

"Not very realistic."

Xander leaned up and brushed his lips along the line of Spike's jaw. "If working for Giles doesn't work out, maybe you can get a job consulting for horror movies."

Spike shivered under Xander's touch. "Couldn't afford me." He reached out and groped for the remote. "Damned thing," he muttered, fumbling for the right buttons.

Xander took it from him. "It's the big round one." He clicked the TV off and dropped the remote onto the floor. He tried to pull Spike back down onto him, but Spike pulled away and stood up.

"Wha--" And then he forgot how to breathe because Spike's shirt was halfway over his head and Spike wasn't wearing a bra. Spike. Was not. Wearing. A bra.

Spike dropped the shirt onto the floor. "Come on," he said, with a little jerk of his head towards Xander's bedroom.

Xander nearly fell over himself getting up from the couch. He cupped one hand around the back of Spike's head and kissed him. His other hand worked its way over Spike's stomach and up to cup one breast.

They stumbled their way into the bedroom. Xander stepped back to pull his shirt off and was greeted, upon his emergence, with the vision of a now naked Spike reclining on his bed.

He knelt on the bed and slid his hands all the way up Spike's legs, ankles to thighs. "There's--" He jerked his chin toward the nightstand. "In the drawer."

Spike propped himself up on his elbows. "Haven't done this with anyone since the demon bint changed me. Not like I could get sick when I was vampire. You know I'm on the Pill."

Xander bent down and kissed the inside of Spike's thigh. "I'm clean." He waited until Spike relaxed down onto the bed to apply his mouth to Spike's cunt.

"Wait, wait," Spike said after Xander had been tonguing him for a while.

Xander dragged the flat of his tongue over Spike's clit. "What?"

Spike's breath hitched. "Want you in me."

"And this is where being a girl has its benefits. You get both, no waiting." He didn't give Spike a chance to answer but ducked down to lick and suckle at Spike's cunt until he was arching off the bed.

He pulled himself up the bed and let the curves of Spike's body cradle him. He took advantage of Spike's gasping and kissed him before he could say anything.

"You're still wearing trousers," Spike said when Xander let him breathe again.

"Yeah." Xander slid one clothed leg against Spike's naked skin. He pulled away from Spike, climbed off the bed, and pushed his pants off to join his shirt on the floor. He let his boxers fall too and went back, naked, to the cradle of Spike's body.

"This might hurt," he warned.

"Might not. I, um--" Spike, amazingly, blushed.

"Indulged in a little self-lovin'?" Xander suggested.

"Yeah."

"I can't believe you're blushing." Xander put his hands on Spike's cheeks to feel the heat of his blush. "I like it. It makes you look human. Cute." He had a right to say things like that now. He could see Spike gathering up a protest, so he nudged Spike's thighs just a little farther apart and pushed slowly into him.

"You okay?" he asked when his cock was fully sheathed in the warmth of Spike's cunt.

Spike opened his eyes. "Yeah. 'S different, is all." He hitched one shoulder in a half shrug. "Been a long time since I was with a man."

"I've got to tell you," Xander said, "this is not the context I want to talk about Angel in." He thrust gently into Spike to make his point.

Spike curved his hands around the back of Xander's head. "You're already better 'n he ever was." He pulled Xander down to kiss him.

Xander had to close his eyes to keep from coming right then. "You're incredible."

"Yeah." Spike's voice was strained and gasping. "Just do it." He leaned up and rained kisses all over Xander's face. "Come on. Fuck me."

Those words on Spike's lips were almost too much for Xander, and he did just what Spike said. On a hunch, he bent his head down and sucked at Spike's neck.

Spike stopped speaking, almost stopped breathing, but his cunt clenched around Xander. His next breath in came out as a low moan.

Xander paused for breath and then renewed his efforts to leave a mark on Spike's neck. And, okay, so it wasn't that politically correct, but he was fucking Spike, and Anya had left Spike to him, and that meant it was his right to leave his mark on Spike. It's not like Spike minded. In fact, Spike was enjoying it quite a lot if his moans and gasps were anything to go by.

He stopped thinking and let his rhythm just carry him along to a truly satisfying orgasm. He paused to catch his breath and then reached down between them to bring Spike off with a few circles of his thumb over Spike's clit.

Xander pulled himself slowly out of Spike and moved to the side to let Spike catch his breath. "Hey," he said when he realized Spike's breaths were on the verge of becoming sobs, "Spike, you okay?"

"Yeah." Spike made a visible effort to calm his breath. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just been a while since anyone fucked me."

Xander propped himself up on one elbow and caressed Spike's cheek. "Angel, right."

Spike leaned over to kiss him, and his breath was evening out now. "You're a million times better than he was."

"I'll take that any day." Xander returned Spike's kiss. "You staying?"

"Yeah. That all right?"

"Yeah." Xander dropped a kiss onto Spike's cheek and got up to turn off the light.

This time, sharing a bed with Spike meant he got to pull Spike's body, naked and curvy, against his. He'd always liked to cuddle, and Spike's hands came to rest over his.

***

Day 77

Xander silenced the alarm just as it went off, but Spike's eyes were open when he got out of the shower.

"Hey." Xander brushed a hand through Spike's hair.

"Hey." Spike pulled Xander down and kissed him. "Gonna come back to bed?"

"I have to go to work." But Xander kissed him again.

"Could call in sick. Could fuck me again," as if the temptation of his sleepywarm body wasn't enough.

Xander groaned into a third kiss. "I will. Later," he promised. He kissed Spike again. "Have a good day." He escaped before Spike could lure him back into bed, but it took the better part of his drive to the site to force his erection down. Even then he spent the whole day thinking about Spike and only narrowly avoided nailing his arm to the building they were putting up.

He was disappointed to come home to an empty apartment, even though he knew Spike had to work, but there was a guy selling flowers on the street between Xander's apartment and the Magic Box. Xander dithered for a while and then bought what he wanted to buy without worrying about what message it might send.

Spike was helping customers, so Xander just stepped in at the end of the line and waited until it brought him up to Spike.

"Hi." He handed the flower, a single red rose, across the counter.

He'd managed to surprise Spike. "You bought me flowers?"

"Just the one, actually."

Spike hitched himself halfway over the counter, jerked Xander toward him, and kissed him hard. Xander made a mental note to bring Spike flowers again. Spike let go of him to ring up Mrs. Burnam, who was watching them the way middle-aged suburban housewives always looked at affectionate young couples. Xander gave her his second most charming smile and Spike his first.

He went into the back to find some kind of water holding container to put the rose in and came back just as Buffy and Dawn came in, arguing over Dawn's homework.

"Wow, Spike," Dawn said, interrupting her own protests, "that's some hickey."

And of course Spike was wearing one of those tank tops with skinny little straps so there was nothing even close to covering up the mark on his neck. Xander's mark, which Spike was stroking with a faraway smile on his face.

"Yeah." The smile turned into a self-satisfied smirk. "Demon bint was right about the boy."

It took Dawn a few seconds to decode the Spike speak. "Xander gave you the hickey?"

"Boy's a real Viking in the sack."

"And we continue the tradition of my friends knowing way too much about my sex life." Xander reached around Spike to put the rose, now in a tall glass vase, next to the register.

Buffy started paying more attention to them. "You're sleeping with Xander?"

"Who's sleeping with Xander?" Willow asked as she came through the door.

Spike raised his hand. "That'd be me."

Willow's eyes got big. "Oh! Since when?" She frowned before anyone could answer. "Who do I give the shovel talk to?"

"Yesterday, and consider it given," Xander said. He put his hands on Spike's shoulders. "But I don't know if Spike's had the pleasure."

"Oh, I've had my pleasure," Spike purred, and his hand was reaching back to caress parts of Xander that really shouldn't be caressed in any place more public than the back row of a darkened movie theater.

Buffy stared at them. "This is going to be strange and disturbing, isn't it?"

"Probably," Xander admitted.

"Right." Buffy clapped her hands together. "Dawn, you have homework to do."

They wandered back to the table, arguing about homework again. Willow stayed and frowned at Spike and Xander.

"Remind me to give you the shovel talk," she said to Spike. "Did Jensen's Herbal come in today?"

Spike shrugged. "Might've done. Haven't opened the boxes yet."

"Do you mind if I look?"

"Could put things on the shelves too, you feel like it." Spike handed a pair of scissors across the counter.

Willow laughed at him. "That's your job."

Xander pressed his lips against Spike's hickey. "Come on, Fangless. I'll help."

Xander ended up shelving more merchandise than anyone else. Willow stopped when she got to her book, and Spike got to leave them to help customers.

Giles brought pizza for dinner, and Spike took every opportunity to flirt at Xander from across the table.

"Strange and disturbing," Buffy said pointedly.

Riley showed up and took Buffy out on a patrol date. Willow and Tara consulted each other over Willow's new book. Giles stayed at the table to suggest additional resources and oversee Dawn's homework.

Xander finished shelving the last box of books while Spike helped a couple of after-dinner customers.

"Come on," he said, when things seemed to have slowed down, "let's log some practice time."

He liked to spar with Spike, and doing it with his expanded knowledge of Spike's body only made it better. He thought he stayed on his feet a few seconds longer than he had been able to before, which was definitely of the good. Taking Spike down in a few short minutes was a satisfying boost to his ego, but a bit worrying considering that usually it took a long time and the correct alignment of the stars.

"You okay?" he asked, reflexively running his hands down Spike's arms to check for damage.

"Yeah. Just got a little distracted is all." Spike's hands worked their way under Xander's shirt and up his chest in a way that had him instantly hard against Spike's thigh. "Yeah," Spike said, and rubbed up against him.

Xander let Spike draw him down into a deep kiss before he pulled back. "Wait."

Spike transferred his attention to Xander's neck. "You said later. It's later."

"I remember that." Xander caught Spike's hands just as they went for the button on his pants. "I also remember that the rules we both agreed to say no sex in the training room."

Spike nipped at Xander's earlobe. "That was to keep the Bit from walkin' in on Big Sis and Iowa."

Xander persisted in his attempts to be the sensible one. "I'd rather she not walk in on us either."

"Mmm." Spike dragged wet kisses over Xander's collarbone. "Might further her education."

"I'm not interested in furthering her education." Xander ran a slow hand down Spike's side, breast to hip to thigh. "I'm interested in doing this right."

Spike stared up at him for a moment. "How about you take me home and show me," he said in a breathless, raspy voice that almost had Xander abandoning his better judgment.

He stood up instead, and held out a hand to help Spike up. "Yeah, come on."

He kept Spike's hand in his as they said their goodbyes, and let Spike handle most of the talking. That was a good indication of how far gone he was; had he thought it through, he would have realized that Spike would make sure that everyone knew exactly why they were leaving. Xander rolled his eyes and protested in all the right places and let Spike tease him about it all the way home.

***

Day 115

Spike's things slowly made their way into Xander's apartment. Xander gave him a key early on and was rewarded with a blow job.

Willow invited Xander to the Espresso Pump for mochas and waited until they were seated to say, "Buffy said Spike's moving in with you."

"Maybe," Xander stirred an extra packet of sugar into his mocha. "He's brought a lot of his stuff over."

"But you haven't had the whole moving in conversation?"

"No." Xander sipped at his chocolatey coffee goodness. "I don't know if he isn't ready or if he thinks I don't want him there."

Willow looked up at him from where she was blowing on her coffee. "Do you want him there?"

"Yeah, I do." Xander looked down into his coffee and only looked up when Willow put her hand over his.

"If he hurts you, I'll beat him to death with a shovel."

Xander turned his hand up and squeezed Willow's fingers. "Thanks, Wills, but I like him breathing. Even if he hurts me."

"In that case, I'll just maim him a little."

Xander gave her a little grin. "Leave me the face."

"Xander!"

He laughed. "I like the face."

"You've become accustomed to it," Willow said with a sly smile. They'd watched that one on cable late on Thursday night during one of their many shared summer vacation evenings of doing nothing.

"Exactly."

***

Day 138

Xander came home and followed the small sounds to their bedroom. Spike's day off, so he was already there, naked on the bed, hands between his legs.

"Xander," Spike moaned. "Yeah, Xander, yeah."

It was a little too practiced to be absolutely real. Xander folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door frame to watch.

Spike eventually cracked one eyelid and looked at him. "Are you just going to stand there?"

Xander smiled at him. "I was enjoying the show."

Spike opened the other eye. "We encourage audience participation," he said, and he dragged one hand up his cunt.

Xander shrugged self-consciously. "I just came from work. I'm all sweaty and gross."

"I don't care." Spike spread his legs a little farther apart. "Come and fuck me."

Spike had definitely seen a lot of porn. "I think you've got that backwards." He pulled his t-shirt over his head. "Fuck first, come second." He stripped off his pants and toed off his shoes.

Spike was almost unbearably tempting, but Xander stayed where he was, leaning back against the doorjamb. He wrapped one hand around his cock and drew it slowly from base to tip.

"Thought you were gonna fuck me," Spike said breathlessly.

"Was that the plan?" The banter was getting harder to keep up.

"Yeah," Spike breathed. "That was the plan." He lifted one hand from his cunt and beckoned Xander toward him.

Xander finally made his way across the room and into Spike. "Better?"

Spike tilted his hips to better accommodate Xander's body. "Yeah." He looped his arms around Xander's shoulders. "I like your cock." He brought Xander down for a kiss. "Like your cock in me."

"My cock likes being in you." Xander chose a rhythm that was hard and fast. Not that he didn't like fucking Spike, but the afternoon quickie was a dating tradition they hadn't taken advantage of yet.

"Yeah, Xander, yeah," Spike said, and this time it was real. Xander could only imagine what the neighbors thought. On second thought, he couldn't really imagine much, what with his whole attention focused on the warmth of Spike's cunt around his cock.

Now that he was in Spike, he couldn't wait. Even though he knew he was supposed to, that it was the polite thing to do, he couldn't. Fucking Spike in their bed in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday was too much for that. He let himself come, and how hot was it that they didn't have to use a condom? Really hot, and Spike must have thought so too, because it didn't take much of a touch on his clit to make him come.

Xander flopped down onto the bed next to Spike. "God, that was good."

"Yeah." Spike's fingers twitched against Xander's side. "Wish I could have a smoke."

Xander flung one arm out to let his hand rest on some part of Spike's skin. "Gotta keep those lungs clear."

"Yeah, too bad." Spike moved Xander's hand until it was cupping his breast.

Xander obligingly squeezed down on the soft flesh. "Good," he said. "Keeps you breathing." He let out a deep sigh and stroked Spike's soft skin. "I don't think I can move."

Spike put his hand over Xander's. "S'posed to meet the girls at six."

Xander twisted his head to look at the clock. They had time. "Nap, then shower."

"Right."

Xander didn't sleep. Instead, he spent the time just looking at Spike, touching him, enjoying the way his body curved, the way he looked resting on the sheets Xander had picked out. He'd had other beautiful women in his bed, but that didn't mean that he didn't sometimes get caught up in the awe that Spike was there. Spike who turned him on so much. Spike who was his to touch. Spike who had seen a lot of porn. Spike who asked tough questions. Spike who sometimes looked at Xander like maybe it was love.

***

Day 160

Xander didn't worry so much the first night. Spike sometimes stayed over with Buffy and Dawn, and it only took a short phone call to track him down. He didn't worry on the second day, either, when he came into the Magic Box and Spike accepted a peck on the cheek but otherwise shied away from his touch. Spike needed his space sometimes.

But on the fourth day, when Spike clearly wasn't speaking to him and carefully avoided his touch. Well, that just wasn't normal.

"Hey, come on," he said, taking his attempts to reach Spike into the Magic Box. At least this way Spike couldn't walk away from him without getting on Giles' bad side. "Spike." He caught Spike's arm as he was rearranging a display.

Spike jerked away from him and headed back across the store.

"Talk to me." Xander followed Spike. "Come on, Spike. At least tell me what I did wrong."

Spike slammed down a stack of books and turned around. "I don't want to talk to you," he said, carefully enunciating every word.

"Spike, please," Xander said, and he was almost begging. No, to be honest, he *was* begging. "Just tell me what I did wrong and I'll fix it." It was only the fear that it would push Spike farther away that kept him from reaching out and holding onto Spike as hard as he could. "Please."

He must have finally sounded desperate enough.

"Watcher," Spike said, "goin' on a break. Mind the till."

"Yes, of course," Giles said, and Spike was free to stalk back into the training room.

Xander followed him back and closed the door softly. Spike was all the way across the room, arms folded tightly over his chest.

Xander took one step into the room and stopped, watching Spike's tension-filled shoulders hunch a little more.

"What'd I do?" he asked. "I mean, I don't remember doing anything, but that doesn't mean I didn't. Should I have brought flowers? Cordelia and Anya always wanted flowers."

"It's not you." Spike sounded like he was swallowing glass, and Xander really looked at him.

"What is it?" he asked, forcing himself not to betray his panic.

Spike tucked his chin down against his chest. "I'm pregnant."

Xander stopped breathing for a moment, and then he took an abortive step toward Spike. "Pregnant?"

"'S not my fault. Been takin' the pills."

"Spike," Xander said, and now he really couldn't stop himself from going across the room and touching Spike.

Spike allowed himself to be held, and even clung to Xander for a moment, before he stepped back and looked up at Xander.

"What are you going to do?" Xander asked.

Spike took another step back. "Guess you hold my hand at the clinic."

"I promised you I would."

Spike crossed his arms and hunched his shoulders. "Right," he growled. "I get an abortion and we forget all about it."

"If that's what you want." Xander put a hand on Spike's shoulder. "If you want to have it, I'll be there for that too."

Spike shook his head. "I can't afford to have a child."

"I can." Xander slid his hand around the back of Spike's neck. "I'm management now. I even have health insurance."

Spike let his forehead rest against Xander's. "I'm not anyone's idea of a good mother."

Xander cupped his hands around Spike's face. "You're mine. I want this," he said in a sudden rush of uncontainable honesty. "I want you to be the mother of my children. I want to take care of you and the baby. I want to be a father." He brushed his lips against Spike's. "But I want you to be happy more. If you want an abortion, I'll go with you and hold your hand.

"I love you," he said against Spike's lips.

Spike jerked away from him. "What? Because I'm pregnant with your child you think you love me?"

"No," Xander said. "I loved you before I knew you were pregnant."

"I killed people," Spike said. "With my bare hands and my teeth."

Xander nodded. "I know. You worked with Adam. You tried to kill us. You even kidnapped me once." He waited for a moment and then said, "You're not my first ex-demon girlfriend, you know."

Spike sneered at him. "I'm just a substitute for the girl, then?"

"No," Xander said, resisting the urge to reach out to Spike again. "I loved Anya, but she's gone. She's not coming back. I love you because you're you." He took a couple of steps toward Spike. "You love being human. You throw popcorn at crappy movies. You laugh at eighties sitcom reruns. You love hot chocolate with the little marshmallows. You swear when you cut yourself on something in the shop, even if it's not magical and dangerous. You come so hard when I go down on you. I love all of it."

Spike pressed himself all along Xander's body and kissed him deeply. Xander closed his eyes and let Spike control it. Deep and soft, and it felt like Spike loved him too.

But then Spike twisted away from him and drew in a sobbing breath. "I can't decide now."

Xander waited to follow Spike back out into the shop until he felt like he could look at Spike without needing to hold on to him and never let go.

***

Day 165

Ignoring the blinking light on the answering machine was a bad habit, but he figured that anyone who wanted to talk to him could wait until he'd had a shower.

There were only two messages, and he hit play while he was still shaking water out of his hair.

"Hi, Xander," Buffy's voice said to him out of the speaker. "Spike's having a really bad day. I don't know what's going on with you two, but if you can make her feel better, I know we'd all be happier."

Like he didn't already feel bad enough.

"Xander, Spike's been crying all day." Dawn, trying not to sound scared. "She won't even talk to me. You have to do something."

Xander hit the erase button and headed over to the girls' house. Dawn answered the door looking as if she might start crying too.

"Hey, Dawnster." Xander gave her a hug.

"Hi, Xander." Dawn was just a little too cool to actually cling to him. "Spike's upstairs."

"Thanks." Xander ruffled her hair a little, which she was also too cool for, and went up the stairs to the guest room. Spike was, as the messages had said, crying. Xander sat down on the bed next to him and rubbed Spike's back until he sat up and burrowed into Xander's arms.

"I couldn't do it." Xander's shirt muffled Spike's voice. "I couldn't even make the phone call." He took a deep, sobbing breath. "Couldn't even-- How can I bring a baby into this? I'm not a mother. All those vamps and demons out there. Some of 'em still have a grudge against me."

Xander stroked Spike's hair and all the way down his back. "You'll be a great mother. You're so good at loving people and taking care of them. We can protect the baby until it's big enough to hold a stake." He kissed the top of Spike's head. "It'll be okay. We'll make it work."

Spike snuffled into his shirt a little more, and then looked up and said, "Really got enough money for this?"

"Yeah." Xander couldn't resist Spike's upturned face and bent to kiss him. "You can't give up working for Giles completely, but we'll be okay.

"I love you," he murmured into Spike's hair. "So much." He kissed Spike again, drinking him in. He pressed his hand against Spike's flat belly; there was something in there that was both of them.

"Will you come home with me?" he asked.

Spike nodded against his chest. "Yes."

***

Day 420

"Okay," Xander said, for what seemed like the thousandth time. "It'll be okay. Just breathe."

"It won't be okay." Spike let out a tired half-sob. "I haven't hurt this much since Dru."

"You're doing great, Willa," the nurse said while Xander wiped a wet washcloth across Spike's forehead.

"Spike, Spike, it's Spike!" Spike's insistence on his name ended in a scream. "Oh, God, this hurts."

"Isn't there something you can give hi-- her?" Xander asked the nurse.

The nurse patted his hand sympathetically. "I'll ask the doctor about it, but we've already given her a pretty high dose."

"I can't do this," Spike sobbed. "I can't."

Xander leaned in and pressed his lips against Spike's cheek. "Yes, you can. I know you can." He took Spike's hand and moved their joined hands down to Spike's stomach. "You have to. This is ours."

"But it hurts."

"I know, I know." Xander kissed Spike's cheek and forehead frantically. "If I could, I would take all your pain away."

"I don't want to be human anymore."

"Shhh," Xander said. "Shhh, Spike, don't say that."

"I can't--" Spike screamed with the next contraction.

"Yes, you can."

"Okay," Dr. Green said as she came into Spike's room, "let's see how you're doing." She lifted up the drape.

Xander squeezed Spike's hand. "You can do this."

"We're getting close," Dr. Green said. "Spike, on your next contraction, I want you to push."

After an eternity of the doctor encouraging him to push, Spike pushing and yelling, and Xander doing his level best not to yell himself, one of Spike's yells was echoed by a baby's cry.

"You did it," Xander said. "You did it. I'm so proud." He bent down and kissed Spike, everywhere he could reach. "I love you so much." Spike kissed him back while Dr. Green and the nurse did whatever it was they did to clean and weigh and measure the baby.

When she was done, Dr. Green put their daughter into Spike's arms.

"Oh," Spike barely breathed. "Oh, she's so tiny. Look at her."

"She's beautiful." Xander brushed the back of one finger over the baby's forehead. "We made that."

"Yeah," Spike said. "Yeah." He cupped his hand around the back of her tiny head. "We made you," he said to the baby. "You're ours. Really ours." He shifted her around so she could close her tiny lips over his nipple. "Look at that," he marveled. "You know exactly what to do, don't you, missy?"

He looked at Xander. Xander looked back.

"We can't put 'Missy' on her birth certificate," Xander said reasonably.

"Melissa?" Spike asked. "That'd give her a real name if she wants to use it later, and we can still call her Missy."

"Melissa," Xander said, trying it out. "Hi, there, Melissa."

The smile Spike turned up at him made Xander catch his breath and lean down for the softest touch of his lips against Spike's.

***

Day 512

Xander draped his suit jacket over the back of a chair and loosened his tie while he made his way through the stuff that just accumulated when there was a baby around.

"Hey." He toed off his shoes just inside the door of their bedroom and padded over to the bed.

"Hey." Spike tilted his head for a kiss. "Look, sweetheart, Daddy's home."

Missy gurgled up at them from her place on Spike's chest.

"Hey there, sweetie." Xander loudly kissed Missy's cheek, and then dropped down onto the bed next to Spike. "What have you two been up to today?"

"I've been watching her all day," Spike said. He gave his hands to Missy to play with. She wrapped her tiny fingers around Spike's fingers and brought them up to her mouth.

"I never knew I could love anyone this much." He wiggled his fingers, and Missy gurgled and tried to catch them in her mouth. "I never loved Dru this much. I never loved Angelus this much." He stopped to watch Missy explore his hands. "I don't love you this much," he whispered.

Xander propped himself up to look down at Spike. "Is this the part the books talk about where I feel lonely and unloved?"

Missy started to fuss. Spike pulled his shirt up and shifted her around so she could nurse.

"Do love you," he offered, once he had Missy settled. He took Xander's hand and brought their twined fingers up to hold onto Missy.

"I know that." Xander stroked Spike's fingers and Missy's back. "I didn't really mean it."

Spike refused to look at him. "Sure?"

"I'm sure." Xander cupped Spike's cheek. "I love you. I love her." He nuzzled into Spike's neck. "I know you love me."

***

Day 824

When Xander got home and found it empty, he showered, changed into patrolling-or-hanging-out clothes, and headed out to find his family.

"Never fear, the Xan-Man is here," he announced before the bell on the Magic Box could stop ringing. "What's going on?" he asked when no one even smiled.

Willow came toward him with her hands out. "Xander."

His smile dropped away. "What is it? Is it Missy?"

"No, no." Willow took his hands in hers. "Missy is *fine*."

"Spike?"

Willow's face told him he'd hit on something.

"Where are they?"

"Xander," Willow said, "I think--"

"Where. Are. They?"

Willow let go of his hands. "They're in the back." She stepped aside to let him get to the training room.

Spike was standing, so it couldn't be too bad, whatever it was. Spike was also wearing Xander's clothes, which was strange since Spike pretty much only did that at home anymore. His hair was shorter.

"Spike?"

Spike turned around, and Xander's first thought was that at least he knew Spike would never try to drink from Missy. Then he realized that Spike was standing in the sunlight filtering in through the small window, so he didn't have to worry about Spike trying to drink from anyone. He pushed his mental picture of Spike on his knees in front of him to the back of his mind and focussed on the issue at hand.

"So," he said, "you're you again."

"Yeah," Spike said, "looks like." He crossed his arms over his chest. It wasn't as menacing in Xander's too-large clothes.

"Are-- Are you okay?"

Spike shrugged. It looked odd without the breasts. And the hair. He still had hair, of course, but it was different.

Xander took a few steps forward. "Can I-- Is there anything I can do?"

"S'pose not." Spike hadn't moved from his end of the room.

Xander shoved his hands in his pockets. "What--" He didn't know what he wanted to ask, so he just stopped.

Spike stepped away from the couch so Xander could see Missy, napping in her car seat. "That's what she meant," he said. "Your girl to take care of." He gestured at Missy, and suddenly Xander got it.

"You bastard." He shoved Spike back against the wall. "Is that what you think of me?" He slammed his mouth down onto Spike's. "That's not the way this works." He kissed Spike again, his hands hard against the sharp edges of Spike's cheekbones. "I love you. She's yours too. You're not leaving me to raise her myself."

"I'm going to need a new wardrobe." Spike's voice came out heavy and choked.

Xander leaned his forehead against Spike's. "So we'll get you one." His lips curved into a shaky smile. "All the other moms will be jealous."

Spike didn't return her smile. "Be hard for her, having two dads."

"We live on the Hellmouth. Having two dads is probably going to be the least of her problems." Xander cupped Spike's cheek.

"Really think this is the best idea?"

"I do. I know it is." Xander pressed his lips against Spike's. "I love you. I don't want to lose you." He gripped Spike tighter. "You can't leave Missy. Even if--" He had to stop before he lost it. "Even if," he tried again, "you leave me, you still have to be her father."

"Do love you," Spike said. He took hold of Xander's face, and this time he initiated the kiss. "Want us to be a family."

"We are." Xander kissed Spike and kept kissing him. "We are. I promise."

--End--