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rsadelleThis isn't really a story, more like potsherds of a story that you'll need the glue of your imagination to bind into something that can hold water. It also has a pretentious ending. Consider yourself warned. Also consider that you might not want to read author's notes ever again because we tend to be kind of annoying.
Now That You're Here
Jared comes in from a run and Jensen's in the living room on the phone. There's something different about it, something that catches Jared's ear as he goes into the kitchen and downs two glasses of water in quick succession. Jensen laughs, and he gets it. It's low, intimate, something he hasn't heard Jensen sound in a while. Jen smiles at him as he walks by on his way to the shower.
He's pretty sure that wasn't the first call, but after that one, he hears them more often, sees that soft smile on Jen's face when he gets a text. He thinks about asking but figures Jen'll tell him when he's ready.
They're just getting home one Friday when the doorbell rings. Jared goes to answer the door, and he's eye to eye with the guy on the other side of it.
"Hi," the guy says. "I'm looking for Jensen."
"Jen," Jared calls without moving, still mostly blocking the entryway. He doesn't know this guy, and he could be anyone. He's as tall as Jared, and obviously works out.
Jensen's footsteps come toward him, and then he says, "Jason!"
The guy, Jason, relaxes and smiles, open and happy, and Jared steps back to let him in. Jason goes past him to Jensen, and they hug, and then Jason presses his lips to Jensen's and Jensen kind of just melts against him.
"What are you doing here?" Jensen asks when Jason lets go of his lips.
"I came to surprise you."
Jensen laughs, happy in a way Jared hasn't heard in a while. "I'm surprised." He keeps one arm around Jason and turns him a bit. "Jason, this is Jared. Jared, Jason." His eyes plead with Jared for something, and Jared's an actor; he can do this.
"Hi, Jason," he says with a smile that doesn't give away how much he's had no idea about this. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you," Jason echoes back, with a respectable handshake. Jason's haircut probably cost more than Jared's whole outfit, shoes included, and even Jared can tell his clothes are high quality and expensive. Jason turns back to Jensen and pats his chest and says, "Go change. I'll take you to dinner." Jensen goes, and Jason says to Jared, "You're welcome to join us," although of course Jared knows he'd rather Jared didn't even if it doesn't show in his voice.
"Nah, I'm good. You have a good time." Jared's reluctant to leave the guy alone in their house even if he is Jensen's date or boyfriend or whatever, so he goes past him to the kitchen and putters around looking for something to throw together for his own dinner.
"We're leaving. Bye, Jay," Jensen calls on the way out the door, and Jared calls out an answering goodbye.
He doesn't see Jen again until he slides into the other chair in makeup on Monday morning. Jen hides his wince well but Jared knows him better than that. Sarah mutters about the bite mark on Jensen's neck that she has to cover up with makeup, and Jared sees more bruises and marks when Jensen changes clothes. They don't talk about it until they get home.
"I'm sorry," Jen says as soon as they're through the door. "I didn't really know what to tell you."
"'I'm letting some guy fuck me so hard I can barely walk' would've been a start," Jared snaps back at him. He kneels down to let the dogs tumble all over him to avoid looking at Jensen.
"I'm sorry," Jen says again. "He's an accountant, and he doesn't watch the show." When Jared doesn't answer him, he blows out a breath and mutters, "Fine," and goes around him to the kitchen.
Jen's a jerk for not telling him, but Jared's being kind of an asshole about it too, and he knows it, so in the morning, he's up early and he has coffee, two sugars, waiting for Jen when he gets up.
Jensen's more open about the calls after that, and Jared often wanders back in from taking the dogs for a walk or through on his way from the kitchen to the couch and finds him on the phone with Jason.
Jason's first visit is like a watershed moment, and people start visiting them after that. Jason comes up every couple of weeks, and Jensen goes down to visit him twice. Steve and Chris drive up one weekend and sing love songs and mock Jensen.
"Seriously," Chris says, "you're six-one. Where the fuck do you keep finding people who are taller than you?"
"You're just jealous because you can't find anyone shorter than you," Jensen volleys back.
Even Chad comes to visit, and he and Jared go out and get fucking shitfaced, and Chad doesn't even make fun of Jared when he cries into his beer.
One Friday, Jared goes out for drinks with some of the crew while Jensen goes home to meet Jason. Jared stays out and has dinner. By the time he comes home, the house is dark, there are two wine glasses in the sink, and Jensen's door is closed.
He goes for a run in the morning, hoping to sweat out his hangover, and comes back in to find Jason in the kitchen watching the coffee drip. He downs his customary post-run glasses of water and rifles through the cabinet for some aspirin. He turns back to find Jason pouring two cups.
"Two," he starts to say, and Jason smiles at him and says, "Two sugars. I know." He stirs the sugar into Jen's cup and takes it with him back to the bedroom.
Jared goes out later and when he comes home and lets the door fall shut behind him, his feet move faster than his brain, and he gets all the way to the living room before he registers that what he's hearing is Jen saying, gasping and moaning, really, "Harder, harder, dammit."
And then he's stopping and it's Jason and Jen on the couch, Jason laid out over Jen on his hands and knees on the couch, and Jason notices him first and stops. Jen's hand comes up and back and his fingers slide hard against Jason's skin.
"Don't stop," he says, desperate, and Jason leans down and says something to him, and then he looks up and everything's still for a moment while they all stare at each other, and then Jared goes to his room and slams the door shut and shoves one hand in his mouth and the other in his pants and comes fast and hard.
He opens the door when Jensen knocks on it later, and stands back, one hand still on the door while Jensen leans in the doorway. "It's safe to come out now," Jen says without looking directly at him, and then his face twists in a grimace. "I'm sorry."
"No," Jared says. "It's your house, too." He picks up his packed duffel bag. "I'm going to take Sadie and Harley and go stay with Tom for the weekend."
"Jay," Jen says, "you don't have to."
"I know," Jared says, but he kind of does have to. He manages a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Have a good weekend."
Tom lets him in and says, "Hey, Jared. What's up?"
Jamie comes out from the kitchen and sees his face and, bless her ever loving heart, says, "Oh, honey," and puts her arms around him and draws him down to sit on the couch with her and lets him cry.
He and Jen don't talk for a week, which is pretty amazing for two people who work and live together. It makes everyone on the set tense and he overhears Jen on the phone saying, "No, really. It's fine," and, "Not this weekend."
On Saturday, after a day of walking around each other in their own fucking home, Jared cracks open two beers, drops down on the couch next to Jensen, and gives him one of them. Things are pretty much okay after that, and Jared even has dinner with Jen and Jason the next weekend when Jason comes up to visit. Jason's not a bad guy, really, and he obviously cares a lot about Jen, and Jared's not going to be the one fucking things up for Jen.
Three weeks later, he comes home after his now usual drinks with the crew on Jason weekends and walks into the middle of a fight.
"I see it," Jason's saying.
"It's not like that," Jen protests. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"It is like that," Jason snaps back, and that's when Jared makes it into the kitchen. He and Jen exchange half smiles, and Jen seems to tense and relax all at once. The steam is running out of this fight.
"You never look at me like that," Jason says.
"What? What do you? Jason. Like what?" Jen stumbles over the question.
"Like everything's okay, and life is worth living, now that he's here." Jason huffs a little and then says to Jared, "You win," and Jared gets a whole new perspective on this fight, on the whole relationship, even as all the steam runs out of it. "I'm sorry, Jensen," Jason says, and it's always been "Jensen" with him, never "Jen" or "baby" or anything else. "I really wanted this to work, but you'll never love me enough." He steps forward and presses his lips to Jen's almost chastely. "Don't call me."
Jen's head drops, and he and Jared stand there and listen while Jason goes back to Jensen's bedroom and the wheels of his suitcase rattle back up the hall in pace with his footsteps. When the front door closes behind him, Jensen's head drops a little more. Jared puts the keys still in his hand down on the counter as he goes around it, and he puts his arms around Jensen and Jensen's arms come up around him and Jared says, "Everything's okay, and life is worth living, now that I'm here."
Now That You're Here
Jared comes in from a run and Jensen's in the living room on the phone. There's something different about it, something that catches Jared's ear as he goes into the kitchen and downs two glasses of water in quick succession. Jensen laughs, and he gets it. It's low, intimate, something he hasn't heard Jensen sound in a while. Jen smiles at him as he walks by on his way to the shower.
He's pretty sure that wasn't the first call, but after that one, he hears them more often, sees that soft smile on Jen's face when he gets a text. He thinks about asking but figures Jen'll tell him when he's ready.
They're just getting home one Friday when the doorbell rings. Jared goes to answer the door, and he's eye to eye with the guy on the other side of it.
"Hi," the guy says. "I'm looking for Jensen."
"Jen," Jared calls without moving, still mostly blocking the entryway. He doesn't know this guy, and he could be anyone. He's as tall as Jared, and obviously works out.
Jensen's footsteps come toward him, and then he says, "Jason!"
The guy, Jason, relaxes and smiles, open and happy, and Jared steps back to let him in. Jason goes past him to Jensen, and they hug, and then Jason presses his lips to Jensen's and Jensen kind of just melts against him.
"What are you doing here?" Jensen asks when Jason lets go of his lips.
"I came to surprise you."
Jensen laughs, happy in a way Jared hasn't heard in a while. "I'm surprised." He keeps one arm around Jason and turns him a bit. "Jason, this is Jared. Jared, Jason." His eyes plead with Jared for something, and Jared's an actor; he can do this.
"Hi, Jason," he says with a smile that doesn't give away how much he's had no idea about this. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you," Jason echoes back, with a respectable handshake. Jason's haircut probably cost more than Jared's whole outfit, shoes included, and even Jared can tell his clothes are high quality and expensive. Jason turns back to Jensen and pats his chest and says, "Go change. I'll take you to dinner." Jensen goes, and Jason says to Jared, "You're welcome to join us," although of course Jared knows he'd rather Jared didn't even if it doesn't show in his voice.
"Nah, I'm good. You have a good time." Jared's reluctant to leave the guy alone in their house even if he is Jensen's date or boyfriend or whatever, so he goes past him to the kitchen and putters around looking for something to throw together for his own dinner.
"We're leaving. Bye, Jay," Jensen calls on the way out the door, and Jared calls out an answering goodbye.
He doesn't see Jen again until he slides into the other chair in makeup on Monday morning. Jen hides his wince well but Jared knows him better than that. Sarah mutters about the bite mark on Jensen's neck that she has to cover up with makeup, and Jared sees more bruises and marks when Jensen changes clothes. They don't talk about it until they get home.
"I'm sorry," Jen says as soon as they're through the door. "I didn't really know what to tell you."
"'I'm letting some guy fuck me so hard I can barely walk' would've been a start," Jared snaps back at him. He kneels down to let the dogs tumble all over him to avoid looking at Jensen.
"I'm sorry," Jen says again. "He's an accountant, and he doesn't watch the show." When Jared doesn't answer him, he blows out a breath and mutters, "Fine," and goes around him to the kitchen.
Jen's a jerk for not telling him, but Jared's being kind of an asshole about it too, and he knows it, so in the morning, he's up early and he has coffee, two sugars, waiting for Jen when he gets up.
Jensen's more open about the calls after that, and Jared often wanders back in from taking the dogs for a walk or through on his way from the kitchen to the couch and finds him on the phone with Jason.
Jason's first visit is like a watershed moment, and people start visiting them after that. Jason comes up every couple of weeks, and Jensen goes down to visit him twice. Steve and Chris drive up one weekend and sing love songs and mock Jensen.
"Seriously," Chris says, "you're six-one. Where the fuck do you keep finding people who are taller than you?"
"You're just jealous because you can't find anyone shorter than you," Jensen volleys back.
Even Chad comes to visit, and he and Jared go out and get fucking shitfaced, and Chad doesn't even make fun of Jared when he cries into his beer.
One Friday, Jared goes out for drinks with some of the crew while Jensen goes home to meet Jason. Jared stays out and has dinner. By the time he comes home, the house is dark, there are two wine glasses in the sink, and Jensen's door is closed.
He goes for a run in the morning, hoping to sweat out his hangover, and comes back in to find Jason in the kitchen watching the coffee drip. He downs his customary post-run glasses of water and rifles through the cabinet for some aspirin. He turns back to find Jason pouring two cups.
"Two," he starts to say, and Jason smiles at him and says, "Two sugars. I know." He stirs the sugar into Jen's cup and takes it with him back to the bedroom.
Jared goes out later and when he comes home and lets the door fall shut behind him, his feet move faster than his brain, and he gets all the way to the living room before he registers that what he's hearing is Jen saying, gasping and moaning, really, "Harder, harder, dammit."
And then he's stopping and it's Jason and Jen on the couch, Jason laid out over Jen on his hands and knees on the couch, and Jason notices him first and stops. Jen's hand comes up and back and his fingers slide hard against Jason's skin.
"Don't stop," he says, desperate, and Jason leans down and says something to him, and then he looks up and everything's still for a moment while they all stare at each other, and then Jared goes to his room and slams the door shut and shoves one hand in his mouth and the other in his pants and comes fast and hard.
He opens the door when Jensen knocks on it later, and stands back, one hand still on the door while Jensen leans in the doorway. "It's safe to come out now," Jen says without looking directly at him, and then his face twists in a grimace. "I'm sorry."
"No," Jared says. "It's your house, too." He picks up his packed duffel bag. "I'm going to take Sadie and Harley and go stay with Tom for the weekend."
"Jay," Jen says, "you don't have to."
"I know," Jared says, but he kind of does have to. He manages a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Have a good weekend."
Tom lets him in and says, "Hey, Jared. What's up?"
Jamie comes out from the kitchen and sees his face and, bless her ever loving heart, says, "Oh, honey," and puts her arms around him and draws him down to sit on the couch with her and lets him cry.
He and Jen don't talk for a week, which is pretty amazing for two people who work and live together. It makes everyone on the set tense and he overhears Jen on the phone saying, "No, really. It's fine," and, "Not this weekend."
On Saturday, after a day of walking around each other in their own fucking home, Jared cracks open two beers, drops down on the couch next to Jensen, and gives him one of them. Things are pretty much okay after that, and Jared even has dinner with Jen and Jason the next weekend when Jason comes up to visit. Jason's not a bad guy, really, and he obviously cares a lot about Jen, and Jared's not going to be the one fucking things up for Jen.
Three weeks later, he comes home after his now usual drinks with the crew on Jason weekends and walks into the middle of a fight.
"I see it," Jason's saying.
"It's not like that," Jen protests. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"It is like that," Jason snaps back, and that's when Jared makes it into the kitchen. He and Jen exchange half smiles, and Jen seems to tense and relax all at once. The steam is running out of this fight.
"You never look at me like that," Jason says.
"What? What do you? Jason. Like what?" Jen stumbles over the question.
"Like everything's okay, and life is worth living, now that he's here." Jason huffs a little and then says to Jared, "You win," and Jared gets a whole new perspective on this fight, on the whole relationship, even as all the steam runs out of it. "I'm sorry, Jensen," Jason says, and it's always been "Jensen" with him, never "Jen" or "baby" or anything else. "I really wanted this to work, but you'll never love me enough." He steps forward and presses his lips to Jen's almost chastely. "Don't call me."
Jen's head drops, and he and Jared stand there and listen while Jason goes back to Jensen's bedroom and the wheels of his suitcase rattle back up the hall in pace with his footsteps. When the front door closes behind him, Jensen's head drops a little more. Jared puts the keys still in his hand down on the counter as he goes around it, and he puts his arms around Jensen and Jensen's arms come up around him and Jared says, "Everything's okay, and life is worth living, now that I'm here."
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-11 06:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-11 06:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-11 07:12 pm (UTC)My favorite bits are actually the description of Jensen talking on the phone to Jason, and how smitten he seems to be. (Yes, I know, that sort of doesn't make sense with what I said above--but I liked the very vivid descriptions even though I didn't like what was being described.)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-11 07:41 pm (UTC)