Help Me Manage My Fears

[rsadelle]

I have very severe allergies. When I was five, my cousins and I played in the very tall grass next door. When we came in, I had to lie on the couch with a wet washcloth over my eyes because they'd swollen shut.

When I was sixteen, my mom took me for allergy testing and I've been on daily allergy meds ever since (10 mg Zyrtec now).

Recently I've been thinking about "What would you do if you were not afraid?" and about how there are a lot of reasons I wouldn't just pick up and go somewhere exotic. For me, one of the big reasons I wouldn't do that, and one of the things I'm afraid of is, "What about my allergy meds?" As I've been thinking about this and about removing the barriers to the life I want to live, I've been thinking about allergy shots.

I asked my doctor about allergy shots almost two years ago, and I've basically been putting off making any sort of decision ever since.

Big Fear
Around the time my mom took me to the allergist, she also took me to a dermatologist for my acne. We tried various options that didn't work, and then he finally put me on Accutane. They told me that you do Accutane (which is actually some pretty nasty stuff) once and then your acne is gone forever. So I did Accutane, and my skin was really clear for about 18 months. And then it wasn't. By that time, I was living 3000 miles away, so I went to a different dermatologist who put me on Accutane again. This time, my skin was clear for about six years. The way they talk about allergy shots is the same way they talk about Accutane. My big fear is that I'll do it and my allergies will come back anyway.

Little Fear
I called yesterday to get more information about what they do to control your allergies during the shots. My doctor said she would want to redo the skin test, so I also wanted to know if that would mean that I would have to be off the Zyrtec for some time before then. The woman who I talked to told me that I would have to be off the Zyrtec for five days before the test. A couple of years ago I was, for some reason, behind in picking up my refill, and I was off the Zyrtec for a couple of days. At somewhere around 58 hours, my skin started to itch. This was not a symptom I had before I went on meds. My little fear is the discomfort of being off the Zyrtec for five days.

Emotional Baggage
One of the most hurtful (if unintentionally so) things my mother says to/about me is, "I should have taken you to get allergy shots when you were five." On the surface of it, this doesn't seem hurtful. On the surface of it, I even agree with her. If she'd done it when I was five, I wouldn't have suffered through allergies all those years, and I wouldn't have to contemplate the cost (money, time, and anxiety) of doing allergy shots myself. (Of course, everything that's happened has made me who I am today, and I like me now.) But it's not the words that are so hurtful. It's the way she says them. What I hear is that my dislike of the outdoors is some kind of moral failing and she considers herself to be a bad parent because she didn't fix it.

Help!
If you have any experience with allergy shots, personally yourself or known about someone else, please share it with me. You can take the poll whether or not you have any experience.

Poll
[Poll #1036639]

Comments

[allegram.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's not so much about moral failings as that she feels guilty? Like she limited your options in life because of it? I know my mom has some serious guilt about various things she did or didn't do for her kids and when she talks about them she often sounds accusing or angry, but actually that's all just sort of left ver from her own anger at herself...

Now I understand how upsetting major allergic reactions can be, and especially how itchy itchy can be. But if you're interested in these shots you can ask about shorter term stuff like benedryl or something, see if you'd be allowed to take it should you become very itchy. And have you mentioned the extreme nature of your skin tests back in the day and the fact that you get itchy when you're off the stuff? She may want you off the stuff for a lesser time in that case...

Now I personally don't feel terribly constrained by the need to take a pill everyday, but if you do and you feel like this will make you feel more free in your life then do it. I know some people grow to hate and resent the pills they take and a shot, even one which wears off periodically, is a great freedom to them. I personally would hate the needle and the fear that it won't work or would wear off at a bad time makes me prefer the sure thing that is pills...

Now having your allergies come back every 6 years or so isn't that bad is it? I mean you'd just go back in for another right? And if it really did last forever, that would be super cool! So basically, I'm no help. I think it really depends on how much you don't like the pills and how much you want what the shots offer. But I do think that if you're ever going to get it done you should do it now, your allergies are not going to get any better over time, so dithering just wastes time you could be allergy free or at least discovering the limits of the shot's abilities.

[rsadelle]

What she was actually thinking is pretty much irrelevant. I know she didn't mean to hurt me. (When I was first thinking about it, I was thinking about what I could say if she ever said it again. And then I realized it didn't matter. I'm just letting go.)

To do the test, you have to be off of anything that would normally help with your allergies so they can accurately find out what you're allergic to.

It's not about having to take the pill every day; it's about having to get the pills to take every day. That's what's such a hassle. Needles don't scare me.

[dedalvs.livejournal.com]

Oh, and what shots? The allergy shots I got made it so that you could see my heart beating through my shirt (you could see it move). This only lasted a few hours after I got the shot, but it certainly did make me feel different. I don't like chemicals that make me feel different.

[rsadelle]

Huh. If that happened, I wouldn't continue.

[dedalvs.livejournal.com]

I used to take allergy shots every week for three years. I'm much happier taking a pill a day (though I take 8, so it's no big deal). Every tried drugstore.com? Works for my Digestive Advantage. And they go wherever the internet is. Currently, though, I take the Target-brand Claritin--and specifically that one--because it seems to work. With my Digestive Advantage, though (which I absolutely need everyday), I just order 4-6 boxes at a time. I reorder when I'm down to one box (which is what I just did today, in fact). They show up in plenty of time.

[dedalvs.livejournal.com]

Grrr... That is, *ever* tried drugstore.com...

[rsadelle]

Did the shots not work for you?

drugstore.com's price for Zyrtec is higher than Longs with my AAA discount. (My insurance won't cover the Zyrtec, although I think they would cover the allergy shots.)

[dedalvs.livejournal.com]

The shots did work, but I would've had to've kept on taking them every week for the rest of my life, pretty much. I stopped them in 5th grade, and I was taking pills everyday by 6th. While they did work, I certainly wouldn't want to do that again. (In fact, I was getting them twice a week at first...)

Have you tried experimenting with other allergy medications? If you have a week where you don't have a lot going, you might want to give it a try. Try to keep track of how you feel at each stage of the day, how you feel at your best on a given medication, and how bad you get. Perhaps there's a cheaper solution.