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rsadelleEarlier this month, I tweeted, "I would make a post about Kady Cross's The Girl in the Steel Corset, but it's so laughably bad that I wouldn't know where to start." The author replied to me (in good humor) saying no one had ever called her writing "laughably bad" before. I was actually kind of alarmed at the possibility that no one had yet pointed out the problems with the book, so here is a post delineating some of the things that make it so terrible. The good news for Cross is that a better editor could have fixed most, if not all, of it. The bad news is that she's now stuck with a lot of it for the remainder of the series.
The Girl in the Steel Corset starts with said girl, whose real name is Finley Jayne. Finley is a maid in a rich household. When the son of the house attempts to sexually assault her, her darker nature comes to the fore and she beats him up before running away. She then literally runs into Griffin and Sam on their velocycles (read: steampunk motorcycles). Griffin is a duke. Sam is his friend who is bitter about the fact that when he almost died at the hands of an out of control automaton, Emily (the scientific genius of the group) replaced parts of him with mechanical parts.
Griffin and Sam have two tasks at the moment. Their ongoing goal is to take down The Machinist, whose automaton it was that attacked Sam. At this point, knowing that the book is the first in a series, you should be able to figure out that while they might tangle with The Machinist, they're not going to be able to take him down definitively in this book. Griffin and Sam's other investigation involves the theft of a number of items from the British Museum. Items that include Queen Victoria's hairbrush. The plot should now all become clear: The Machinist is doing the steampunk equivalent of cloning the Queen. Finley and Griffin will be attracted to each other, but there will be some kind of barrier to happiness. Sam will learn to be okay with his mechanical parts. And, indeed, that's pretty much what happens. There are a few more things that are part of the story: Finley becomes acquainted with Jack Dandy, head of various criminal enterprises. We meet Jasper Renn, American cowboy who flirts with every woman around. Griffin can access the Aether (realm of the dead/source of mystical energy). Griffin's telepathic aunt Cordelia comes home and unsuccessfully tries to pry into Finley's mind. They all discover that Finley's parents were in the same journey to the center of the earth as Griffin's, and that Finley's father's light side/dark side experiments were both the inspiration for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the cause of her split personality. (I have to admit that I was disappointed by this reveal; I was hoping for demon possession.) The Machinist was also part of the journey. Sam meets a mysterious stranger who also has mechanical parts. (If you don't realize the moment we meet him that he's The Machinist, then you don't read enough books.) Griffin helps Finley integrate her lighter and darker natures.
The plot is simplistic and obvious, but it could make for a fun book, although I think it would work better if it were near-future sci fi without any magic elements. Unfortunately, this is not a fun book. I spent a lot of time staring in disbelief at the page and then shaking my head, culminating in utter wonder that I had actually read the whole thing. I will straight up admit my bias and say that I don't really like steampunk prose, although I am still occasionally willing to take a chance on it. (This book is pushing me ever closer to the no steampunk ever again line.) Kady Cross and supporters can now write off my opinions as irrelevant. For purposes of this review, what that really means is that it's hard to parse out whether I didn't like some elements of the story because they were steampunk or because they were badly written steampunk.
Let's start with the technology. Griffin alerts the household to Finley's imminent arrival with the use of his portable wireless telegraph. One of the things the previous generation found in their journey were what they call "Organites" and which the characters casually refer to as "Emily's beasties." In particular, they use the Organites for healing: they will replicate human tissue. Thirdly, before they go into the final showdown, Emily gives them all earpieces she has designed that will "amplify speech" so they can hear each other. Let's recap: we now have cell phones, nanobots, and comms. I might have been able to believe one of them, but all three stretched my suspension of disbelief past its breaking point. I kept thinking of the eye-rolling about the heroine of The Clan of the Cave Bear series single-handedly reinventing civilization. I also kept wondering why anyone would bother to write a historical novel if they just wanted modern technology to fuel their plot.
The book is published by Harlequin Teen, so let's move from technology to romance. The story is supposed to have two love triangles: Griffin-Finley-Jack and Sam-Emily-Jasper. There's a problem with these triangles, though: they're never anything but lopsided. I liked some of Finley and Jack's interactions, but there isn't any sexual or romantic tension that ever makes me think she might choose Jack. Jasper flirts with everyone, including Emily, but it's ridiculously obvious that (a) he's not overly interested in her in particular and (b) Emily doesn't care about anyone but Sam. It feels a little like Cross put the triangles in there because she thought she had to but she didn't really want to. If you don't want to write a love triangle, then don't. It's not actually a mandatory romance novel element. If you're going to include love triangles, though, do it right. Make your reader believe that it could go either way. The structure of the book is also odd. I expected it to continue the pattern it starts with of alternating sections of Finley and Griffin povs, but then there were occasional sections from Sam's pov - fewer than of either Finley or Griffin's povs - but never from Emily's. I assume the next book will continue on with the Finley-Griffin she's a commoner-he's a duke thing and introduce a love interest for Jasper. I would also accept alternate universes where Jasper becomes Jack's paramour and puts his (literal - this is a YA novel with no sex) gun handling and combat skills to use in service of Jack's criminal empire.
On top of all of these things that don't quite work, the book just has too much clunky writing. I will give the extensive descriptions of setting and clothing a pass because as boring as I find them, I understand that they are a convention of historical romance novels. Historical novels, particularly if you're trying to reach an audience that doesn't already read your genre, also have to introduce us to elements of a world other than ours. There are graceful ways to do this, and then there's "Or worse, call the Peelers - the police force named after Robert Peel - and have her arrested?" Cross introduces Jasper with variations on "[Griffin's] American acquaintance Jasper Renn" more than once. And then there's the signalling of every aspect of the plot that's so obvious it should be clear to anyone who's ever read a novel or two. Now, I like straightforward genre novels where we go exactly where I think we're going. But this one doesn't work. I think part of it is that Cross hasn't quite made her characters Victorian enough. They're far too worldly in a modern way for how long it takes them to figure out any of the plot elements, all of which left me doing the book reading equivalent of yelling, "He's behind the curtain!" at hapless horror movie protagonists.
Reading through it, the real problem with this review is that it's too soft. I don't think I'm quite conveying just how bad this book is. Of course, as LeVar Burton used to say, you don't have to take my word for it, but if you do try reading it yourself, don't say I didn't warn you.
The Girl in the Steel Corset starts with said girl, whose real name is Finley Jayne. Finley is a maid in a rich household. When the son of the house attempts to sexually assault her, her darker nature comes to the fore and she beats him up before running away. She then literally runs into Griffin and Sam on their velocycles (read: steampunk motorcycles). Griffin is a duke. Sam is his friend who is bitter about the fact that when he almost died at the hands of an out of control automaton, Emily (the scientific genius of the group) replaced parts of him with mechanical parts.
Griffin and Sam have two tasks at the moment. Their ongoing goal is to take down The Machinist, whose automaton it was that attacked Sam. At this point, knowing that the book is the first in a series, you should be able to figure out that while they might tangle with The Machinist, they're not going to be able to take him down definitively in this book. Griffin and Sam's other investigation involves the theft of a number of items from the British Museum. Items that include Queen Victoria's hairbrush. The plot should now all become clear: The Machinist is doing the steampunk equivalent of cloning the Queen. Finley and Griffin will be attracted to each other, but there will be some kind of barrier to happiness. Sam will learn to be okay with his mechanical parts. And, indeed, that's pretty much what happens. There are a few more things that are part of the story: Finley becomes acquainted with Jack Dandy, head of various criminal enterprises. We meet Jasper Renn, American cowboy who flirts with every woman around. Griffin can access the Aether (realm of the dead/source of mystical energy). Griffin's telepathic aunt Cordelia comes home and unsuccessfully tries to pry into Finley's mind. They all discover that Finley's parents were in the same journey to the center of the earth as Griffin's, and that Finley's father's light side/dark side experiments were both the inspiration for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the cause of her split personality. (I have to admit that I was disappointed by this reveal; I was hoping for demon possession.) The Machinist was also part of the journey. Sam meets a mysterious stranger who also has mechanical parts. (If you don't realize the moment we meet him that he's The Machinist, then you don't read enough books.) Griffin helps Finley integrate her lighter and darker natures.
The plot is simplistic and obvious, but it could make for a fun book, although I think it would work better if it were near-future sci fi without any magic elements. Unfortunately, this is not a fun book. I spent a lot of time staring in disbelief at the page and then shaking my head, culminating in utter wonder that I had actually read the whole thing. I will straight up admit my bias and say that I don't really like steampunk prose, although I am still occasionally willing to take a chance on it. (This book is pushing me ever closer to the no steampunk ever again line.) Kady Cross and supporters can now write off my opinions as irrelevant. For purposes of this review, what that really means is that it's hard to parse out whether I didn't like some elements of the story because they were steampunk or because they were badly written steampunk.
Let's start with the technology. Griffin alerts the household to Finley's imminent arrival with the use of his portable wireless telegraph. One of the things the previous generation found in their journey were what they call "Organites" and which the characters casually refer to as "Emily's beasties." In particular, they use the Organites for healing: they will replicate human tissue. Thirdly, before they go into the final showdown, Emily gives them all earpieces she has designed that will "amplify speech" so they can hear each other. Let's recap: we now have cell phones, nanobots, and comms. I might have been able to believe one of them, but all three stretched my suspension of disbelief past its breaking point. I kept thinking of the eye-rolling about the heroine of The Clan of the Cave Bear series single-handedly reinventing civilization. I also kept wondering why anyone would bother to write a historical novel if they just wanted modern technology to fuel their plot.
The book is published by Harlequin Teen, so let's move from technology to romance. The story is supposed to have two love triangles: Griffin-Finley-Jack and Sam-Emily-Jasper. There's a problem with these triangles, though: they're never anything but lopsided. I liked some of Finley and Jack's interactions, but there isn't any sexual or romantic tension that ever makes me think she might choose Jack. Jasper flirts with everyone, including Emily, but it's ridiculously obvious that (a) he's not overly interested in her in particular and (b) Emily doesn't care about anyone but Sam. It feels a little like Cross put the triangles in there because she thought she had to but she didn't really want to. If you don't want to write a love triangle, then don't. It's not actually a mandatory romance novel element. If you're going to include love triangles, though, do it right. Make your reader believe that it could go either way. The structure of the book is also odd. I expected it to continue the pattern it starts with of alternating sections of Finley and Griffin povs, but then there were occasional sections from Sam's pov - fewer than of either Finley or Griffin's povs - but never from Emily's. I assume the next book will continue on with the Finley-Griffin she's a commoner-he's a duke thing and introduce a love interest for Jasper. I would also accept alternate universes where Jasper becomes Jack's paramour and puts his (literal - this is a YA novel with no sex) gun handling and combat skills to use in service of Jack's criminal empire.
On top of all of these things that don't quite work, the book just has too much clunky writing. I will give the extensive descriptions of setting and clothing a pass because as boring as I find them, I understand that they are a convention of historical romance novels. Historical novels, particularly if you're trying to reach an audience that doesn't already read your genre, also have to introduce us to elements of a world other than ours. There are graceful ways to do this, and then there's "Or worse, call the Peelers - the police force named after Robert Peel - and have her arrested?" Cross introduces Jasper with variations on "[Griffin's] American acquaintance Jasper Renn" more than once. And then there's the signalling of every aspect of the plot that's so obvious it should be clear to anyone who's ever read a novel or two. Now, I like straightforward genre novels where we go exactly where I think we're going. But this one doesn't work. I think part of it is that Cross hasn't quite made her characters Victorian enough. They're far too worldly in a modern way for how long it takes them to figure out any of the plot elements, all of which left me doing the book reading equivalent of yelling, "He's behind the curtain!" at hapless horror movie protagonists.
Reading through it, the real problem with this review is that it's too soft. I don't think I'm quite conveying just how bad this book is. Of course, as LeVar Burton used to say, you don't have to take my word for it, but if you do try reading it yourself, don't say I didn't warn you.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-22 03:21 pm (UTC)It's called Fantasy Lover by Sherrilyn Kenyon. For some reason, it has high reviews on Amazon. I'm not sure why. A friend of a friend recommended it to us, though I'm not sure why she dislikes us that much.
It is...something.
Dear Reader,
Being trapped in a bedroom with a woman is a grand thing. Being trapped in hundreds of bedrooms over two thousand years isn't. And being cursed into a book as a love-slave for eternity can ruin even a Spartan warrior's day.
As a love-slave, I know everything about women. How to touch them, how to savor them, and most of all, how to pleasure them. But when I was summoned to fulfill Grace Alexander's sexual fantasies, I found the first woman in history who saw me as a man with a tormented past. She alone bothered to take me out of the bedroom and onto the world. She taught me to love again.
But I was not born to love. I was cursed to walk eternity alone. As a general, I had long ago accepted my sentence. Yet now I have found Grace--the one thing my wounded heart cannot survive without. Sure, love can heal all wounds, but can it break a two-thousand-year-old curse?
Julian of Macedon
That's the book description. I'M NOT JOKING.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-22 03:28 pm (UTC)That sounds terrible. It's making me glad I've never delved into any of Sherrilyn Kenyon's books.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-22 03:33 pm (UTC)Every so often, Mom and I will check it out and get together with a bunch of friends to read it.
I'm just horrified to think that she's had more than that one published.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-22 03:43 pm (UTC)At least you're getting some kind of enjoyment out of it!