Dewey Decimal Project: 306.73
Jun. 26th, 2011 08:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rsadelleWhen I was traveling in April, I read The Ethical Slut: A Pracitcal Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures, second edition, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. The book is organized into four sections: "Welcome," "The Practice of Sluthood," "Navigating Challenges," and "Sluts in Love." The "Welcome" section is set up to introduce you to the very concept of polyamory, which made me laugh. I'm a fangirl; you don't need to convince me that polyamory is a possible way to live one's life. The other sections are more practical, full of advice and suggestions on how to live a polyamorous life.
There are three things I do want to talk more in depth about concerning the book as a book. First is that it's oddly conservative. The assumption made by most of the book is that you will end up living with someone or someones you're involved with. Even the chapter on "The Single Slut" spends most of its effort on advising you what to do when you as a single slut are involved with people who are partnered. There's a story about a woman who's nervous about attending a sex party that ends with her becoming romantically involved with another woman she meets there. Much of the book is also structured around talking about interactions between two people, which they do at least say they've done for convenience of trying to write the book.
Secondly, it's oddly heterosexist, in a completely unintentional way. I'm so used to the internet where there's ample room for disclaiming that running across things that are clearly giving that up in favor of being concise struck me as odd and badly done:
I'm not sure I would really recommend the book. It has a conversational tone that started to irritate me after a few chapters. I suppose the concepts in it are fairly radical if you're not used to reading a fair amount of threesome fan fic, and it probably is useful if you're actually in a poly relationship of some sort, but I think it just wasn't what I wanted from a book about polyamory. I may have to look through the books in their resources section, because I think more than a how-to, what I would find interesting is more of a look at people's different poly configurations.
There are three things I do want to talk more in depth about concerning the book as a book. First is that it's oddly conservative. The assumption made by most of the book is that you will end up living with someone or someones you're involved with. Even the chapter on "The Single Slut" spends most of its effort on advising you what to do when you as a single slut are involved with people who are partnered. There's a story about a woman who's nervous about attending a sex party that ends with her becoming romantically involved with another woman she meets there. Much of the book is also structured around talking about interactions between two people, which they do at least say they've done for convenience of trying to write the book.
Secondly, it's oddly heterosexist, in a completely unintentional way. I'm so used to the internet where there's ample room for disclaiming that running across things that are clearly giving that up in favor of being concise struck me as odd and badly done:
Lubricant is an asset to vaginal play for many women, and an absolute necessity for women in midlife and beyond, or for any form of anal play. If you haven't tried it before, you'll be stunned at how good it can feel for both parties. If penetration still hurts, get a medical checkup to deal with anything that needs medical attention. And if you both want penetration, but his penis isn't cooperating, consider trying one of the prescription medications now available to help maintain the hard-on once you've taken care of the turn-on.Thirdly, the middle sections on feelings and the navigation thereof are interesting. Much of it is the standard emotional intelligence/active listening stuff I recognize from a previous touchy-feely social services job. Seeing it in the middle of this book made me laugh. It's also one of those things where even though it's directed at a specific group - the poly and poly-curious - it actually applies to any relationship. There is also a section of advice that basically tells you to give yourself a treat when you're having a hard time with jealousy, which I found myself shrinking from. One of the things I've learned from reading The Happiness Project over the years is that a treat doesn't necessarily make you happier, and that there are better strategies for making your day better.
I'm not sure I would really recommend the book. It has a conversational tone that started to irritate me after a few chapters. I suppose the concepts in it are fairly radical if you're not used to reading a fair amount of threesome fan fic, and it probably is useful if you're actually in a poly relationship of some sort, but I think it just wasn't what I wanted from a book about polyamory. I may have to look through the books in their resources section, because I think more than a how-to, what I would find interesting is more of a look at people's different poly configurations.