Bullying in the News

[rsadelle]

Two weeks ago, a couple of people on Facebook posted Ellen's video about the recent spate of bullying-related suicides. It made me cry. I wanted to repost it, but I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know if I wanted to say it on Facebook, for a lot of reasons.

I tend to lose all sense of rationality on the subject of bullying.

I don't know how much my mom knows about what junior high was like for me (to clarify: I wasn't bullied because I was a lesbian; I was bullied because I was the smart, opinionated fat girl, and all the bullying was verbal), and I don't really want to talk to her about it, which I know posting on Facebook would probably lead to. I'm also Facebook friends with a lot of people from junior high and high school, and I don't want to hurt them by talking about it and I don't want them to hurt me by looking back and saying, "that's not the way it was."

I'm not doing anything about it in the world, and I'm not sure just talking about it is going to help.

I also tend to lose all hope on the subject of bullying.

And so the only two somewhat rational things I have to say are also severely lacking in cheerfulness:

I can't join in with all the people who are grimly pleased about the media attention. This time it's bullying of lgbt teens, last time it was cyberbullying, before that was queen bees and wannabes, and before that it was Columbine. Has each iteration made things better for bullied kids, or is it just this month's sensational news story?

I find it almost unbearably sad that the best we can do for bullied kids is tell them, "It gets better," and hope they don't read the statistics on workplace bullying. I wish we lived in a world where we could tell them, "It's not okay. You don't have to live with it. Adults will help you," and mean it.

Comments

[idahophoenix.livejournal.com]

I just wrote a really long comment here -- and lost it. I don't know if this is a sign from the universe that I was just going on and on too much with too much detail about my life and also ambiguous rambling about it all. Here is my very brief recap of what it was about:
1. I was bullied lots. It sucked.
2. It does get better. But sometimes, and especially some days, it doesn't.
3. Figuring out how to save the world is hard. Still kind of want to try.
4. Visibility is a good thing-but scary for me sometimes and sometimes people are just not very kind.
6. I really really like being queer and connected to the GLBTQ world.
7. And I feel like I ought to give equal time to all the other horrible things kids are going through (gang violence, drugs, etc.) but have to admit that these suicides do hit home and that maybe it's just human to care in a special way about "my" people.
8. Visibility ends up being the main type of activism that I do. And it's something you also do that I've always admired-even using your real name on LJ etc. There's something powerful in that and I think you should give yourself credit for it.
9. I acknowledge that "It doesn't always get better, but at least there's fan fiction" is probably not the best campaign. But some days it's enough for me.

[eleanor-lavish.livejournal.com]

<3

Middle school nearly killed me - I'm not sure if I am one of those kids who thought about suicide - I don't remember doing so, but I have repressed a lot of my feelings around that time, which is a skill I am very grateful my brain possesses.

I want to make an It Gets Better video that doesn't say any of those things, but that does say "YOU get better. You get smarter and stronger and thicker skinned, and you stop feeling helpless and start feeling pissed off. You will one day wake up and look in the mirror and say 'fuck this shit, I am better than these people' and you will mean it. You will get perspective on your life and see that good along with the bad. You will learn, slowly, how to stand up and speak out and defend yourself, and MEAN IT. It gets better because YOU get better at living in this world, even if this world sometimes still sucks. And if you kill yourself now, the you who would-have-been will look at you and be really fucking annoyed, because you are BETTER THAN THAT."

I'm not sure that is what they want to hear, or if that would make anyone feel better at all, though.

eleanor's video

[idahophoenix.livejournal.com]

I think that's a brilliant idea for an It Gets Better video. I feel better just reading about it!

[rsadelle]

*hugs*

I feel a lot of guilt over not being an activist - I have an activism-inclined mind, but my actual activist actions only extend as far as voting with my dollars, bringing my own grocery bags, and being very thoughtful/careful about how I use language. When I'm not feeling hopeless about it, I think there are things we as a society can do (stop teaching/believing that "words can never hurt me," teach adults how to recognize bullying and what to do when they need to step in), but I don't work with or have kids, so I'm not sure I'm in a place to do anything about it.

Thank you for the positive spin - that visibility is something I do, and that it matters.

"At least there's fan fiction" is what gets me and a lot of people I know through tough days!

[rsadelle]

*hugs*

I haven't been reading/watching much of the discussion because I just end up crying, but I did skim the first half of someone's post on Jezebel defending the It Gets Better project, and the point that sticks out to me was that in the writer's experience, different things work for different kids. Your idea might not work for everyone, but it might be just what some kids need to hear.

[rsadelle]

*hugs* Thank you for your support. Them saying that wouldn't make me believe them, but it would hurt. The people I'm Facebook friends with are not the person who hurt me so much then.