I've had a couple of experiences recently that reminded me how fantastic it is to spend time with fannish types. I hung out with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ruby_fruit in Boston last weekend and the weekend before that I went to a party that started out badly (more on that later in this entry) but greatly improved when only the fannish types were left. We discovered that the 15 characters meme (we limited it to 10 and only fictional characters) makes a pretty good party game and then played the anything goes version of he-he (where you don't specify the gender of the initial characters). The best one:
As you may remember, my previous considerations had me leaning slightly away from it because of how pretentious it seems. The preliminary schedule isn't doing anything to change my mind about that. Also in the no column, plane tickets are really expensive.
But let me be honest and tell you the real reason I'm waffling: I just don't think I'm cool enough to go. The people I know of who are going are the popular kids--well-known and good writers to boot. I am not one of them.
The well-known part of this, of course, is my own doing. I haven't wanted to be very involved in the business of fandom for a long time, and I've done nothing in the way of self-promotion. Partially because that's work and partially because I'm not really interested in being a big name fan/author/whatever.
The good writing thing is, well. Remember the party I mentioned at the beginning of this entry? The part where it was horrible was horrible because these two guys spent the whole time talking about girls they'd slept with in language that was just awful. Their attitude seemed to be that women exist to be fucked. I tried, really hard, to look on it as research into how men talk, but I couldn't do it. I was just disgusted, and much more upset about it the next morning. (If you have suggestions on what to say and how to say it in that kind of situation, send them my way. Given the other guests--the host who did make an unsuccessful effort to get them to stop, the guy who was listening to the conversation but is much more mellow, the truly nice guy, and the guy I'm pretty sure is gay--it would have been safe to say something about it.) It also has me completely unsure of my own writing, especially the high school football (and possibly cowboys) AU trilogy I'm writing. I don't usually bother with insecurity about my writing, but this is throwing me for a loop. Add into that the fact that I finally realized what my writing is about and that's freaking me out (and also the subject for another entry that I've been composing in my head off and on since I figured it out), and you have one uncomfortable bout of writing insecurity.
Intellectually I know that if I go to WriterCon, I'll have a fabulous time and meet new people and be able to talk to them. Emotionally, however, I have this whole huge piece of me that keeps saying, "You'll just be the uncool girl trying to tag along behind the cool kids who will be nice enough not to tell you to get lost to your face but who won't really want you there. And no one will know of you and no one will care what you've written or what you're interested in."
ruby_fruit in Boston last weekend and the weekend before that I went to a party that started out badly (more on that later in this entry) but greatly improved when only the fannish types were left. We discovered that the 15 characters meme (we limited it to 10 and only fictional characters) makes a pretty good party game and then played the anything goes version of he-he (where you don't specify the gender of the initial characters). The best one:Spike and Darth Maul were under a tattoo parlor choking on watermelons.The point of this is that between that and my Boston trip costing me less than I expected, I'm again seriously considering WriterCon.
Spike said, "Oklahoma."
Darth Maul said, "Bestiality."
The cast of the A-Team saw them and said, "Khaaaaaaan!"
They said, "Eat every piece."
And it all ended with a roaring campfire and plenty of marshmallows.
As you may remember, my previous considerations had me leaning slightly away from it because of how pretentious it seems. The preliminary schedule isn't doing anything to change my mind about that. Also in the no column, plane tickets are really expensive.
But let me be honest and tell you the real reason I'm waffling: I just don't think I'm cool enough to go. The people I know of who are going are the popular kids--well-known and good writers to boot. I am not one of them.
The well-known part of this, of course, is my own doing. I haven't wanted to be very involved in the business of fandom for a long time, and I've done nothing in the way of self-promotion. Partially because that's work and partially because I'm not really interested in being a big name fan/author/whatever.
The good writing thing is, well. Remember the party I mentioned at the beginning of this entry? The part where it was horrible was horrible because these two guys spent the whole time talking about girls they'd slept with in language that was just awful. Their attitude seemed to be that women exist to be fucked. I tried, really hard, to look on it as research into how men talk, but I couldn't do it. I was just disgusted, and much more upset about it the next morning. (If you have suggestions on what to say and how to say it in that kind of situation, send them my way. Given the other guests--the host who did make an unsuccessful effort to get them to stop, the guy who was listening to the conversation but is much more mellow, the truly nice guy, and the guy I'm pretty sure is gay--it would have been safe to say something about it.) It also has me completely unsure of my own writing, especially the high school football (and possibly cowboys) AU trilogy I'm writing. I don't usually bother with insecurity about my writing, but this is throwing me for a loop. Add into that the fact that I finally realized what my writing is about and that's freaking me out (and also the subject for another entry that I've been composing in my head off and on since I figured it out), and you have one uncomfortable bout of writing insecurity.
Intellectually I know that if I go to WriterCon, I'll have a fabulous time and meet new people and be able to talk to them. Emotionally, however, I have this whole huge piece of me that keeps saying, "You'll just be the uncool girl trying to tag along behind the cool kids who will be nice enough not to tell you to get lost to your face but who won't really want you there. And no one will know of you and no one will care what you've written or what you're interested in."