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There should totally be a story where Kane and Toews are actually straight dudes who are just weird about each other, but Segs is cheerfully bisexual and poly/slutty. (I mean slutty in a good way, of course.)

"I think he just doesn't do dudes," Tyler says to Brownie over Skype, and Brownie looks as confused as he feels. It doesn't make sense, but Tyler's pretty sure by now. He's given it his best material, everything but straight out asking, "Wanna fuck?" and Pat hasn't gone for any of it. People who are into dick fool around with him or tell him they're not interested by this point.

And then Jon comes to visit, and he and Pat are hanging out at Tyler and Marc's place, and they're chirping each other, like they do, and Marc says something about how Tyler is "just mad because he's not getting laid."

Jon says something about how he could go out and hook up, and Tyler says, "It's so much work, especially when you don't speak the language."

Marc laughs and says, "It's not about that. He has a boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," Tyler says.

"Uh-huh."

Tyler rolls his eyes. "He's not. He just gives the best head of anyone I know."

"He gives the best head because he's been blowing you since you were sixteen and knows what you like," Marc says.

Pat and Jon are just watching them, and doing a very bad job of hiding their surprise.

"I guess you don't have to go out if you have someone at home," Jon says carefully.

"Not at home, exactly," Tyler says. "In the summer, yeah, but he's four hours away during the season. Good thing Fred lives in Boston. Not quite as good at giving head, but he makes up for it in other ways."

And then Pat and Jon are even more baffled by the whole thing.

I have no idea where this would be going; I just reached my limit for everyone's gay in Switzerland stories.

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Ruth Sadelle Alderson

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