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I've made a few false starts at trying to write out this story and I've told bits and pieces of it before, mostly in tiny comments over Twitter, but I haven't told the whole thing to anyone, not even my closest friends. I didn't want - and still don't want - anyone to tell me my feelings are wrong or give me advice. While I might be able to manage it now, at the time I didn't know how to say, even to the people I'm closest to, "This thing happened and my feelings are hurt. Please only say things to me that can be rephrased as 'Poor baby. I'm sorry that happened to you. I love you/think you're great/know you're awesome.'" Telling this story to all of you feels scary and vulnerable: I'm telling you about something that hurt my feelings, I'm telling you about the soft places where I can be hurt, and I just have to trust that you're not going to use it to hurt me.

A Story )
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So yesterday all I was thinking about was that Tyler Seguin somehow found my post about him, and I thought it was hilarious that he was so bored that he somehow found it. I said a lot of things here and on Tumblr about how I believe in having posts open. This morning I went and read the anon memes and other opinions about it, and I realized that in thinking about how it was my post that got linked, I didn't at all think about how it would affect people who commented on or were linked in the post. I'm sorry. I agree that we have responsibilities to each other in this community, and I'm genuinely sorry that I fell down on those responsibilities and hurt people. :( At this point, the only remaining comments on that post are from people who are okay with their comments remaining or people who commented after it was linked to by TSegs.

I am not going to change my opinion on keeping my posts open. I still very much believe in open fandom. (While also believing that it's not okay to push it at the objects of fandom.) But if this kind of thing ever happens to me again, I will be better about protecting the limits of the other people who were involved in my posts.
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I was going to do things today, but then I got home from running errands after having lunch with friends to find this:



Yes, that is Tyler Seguin tweeting my Tylers Seguin-Brown picspam at Tyler Brown as part of his continuing jealousy over Tyler Brown's girlfriend. (For the record, I talk a lot on Twitter about how adorbs TBrown and Julie are, because they're totally adorbs. No hate here!)

Anyway, I promise I'm not the type to freak out and I won't lock or delete anything because of it. I may, however, not get anything else done today because I might never stop laughing.
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The biggest change hockey has brought to the way I live my fannish life is that it's the first fandom to really make me like vids. This Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall one is completely charming (let's not talk about how many times I've watched it):



And if you like them, you might want to see their apartment tour:

Video )

Or you might want to watch the interview about their ice cream dates:

Video )
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Claude and Danny are going to play in Berlin together during the lockout.

I'm not sure my body can contain my joy. (Also, I did not realize I was quite this invested in them.)

Now we just need all the fic about them (a) living together in Berlin, (b) hooking up, and (c) Skyping with the kids.
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I'm feeling very between fandoms and non-fannish* at the moment, which means I will probably go back to my between fandoms mode of occasional random fic posting and no discussion. (Watch: in two weeks I'll be in love with something new and won't be able to stop talking about it.)

In other fannish news, I have imported all my fic into AO3. Total number of stories: 409. Even taking into account the fact that that includes some permanently unfinished things, that's a lot of fic. I tried to count how many fandoms it was yesterday, but I got tired of counting at thirty. It's probably somewhere over fifty, even doing things like collapsing individual bands into bandom. I knew I had written a lot of fic in a lot of fandoms over the last thirteen and a half years, but that was possibly even more than I expected.

One more piece of unrelated fannishness: I have Netflix again for a while. (Thanks [livejournal.com profile] allegram and [livejournal.com profile] dedalvs!) My plan was to watch some TOS so I could get all the references in Star Trek reboot fic. Instead, I'm watching/rewatching (I haven't yet hit the point where I stopped watching the first time around) Grey's Anatomy. It's so soapy and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in it, but I can't stop watching. I loved this show when it started - A soapy medical drama with lots of female characters? Totally my kind of thing! - and then at Escapade one year someone ruined it for me by saying hateful things about Meredith. (I gather she's generally not well-liked. I always liked her.) Alex/Izzie is my Grey's Anatomy OTP forever. I would take fic recs!

Other things I've been watching: Nikita (my favorite show on TV right now), Once Upon a Time (I wasn't into this week's ep; we'll see if that's the show or my mood), Hawaii Five-0 (I'm an ep behind, and I keep holding out hope that it'll get better, but we'll see how it goes), Revenge (love this show, and they hit the reveal I've been waiting for this week), Leverage (sometimes I love this show, sometimes it's just okay), Ringer (I still love this show for its interesting plot).


* My heart and mind are completely occupied by Sherlock but (a) I don't feel qualified to write fic for it (pay no attention to the Google doc behind the curtain), (b) I don't want to talk about it as much as just hold it in my heart, and (c) I don't really want to read discussion about it because I know that if I do, someone will ruin it for me. [back]
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TAI announced today that they are no longer a band. I bring this up largely to disclaim: while I hadn't written any of this down yet, I've actually been writing this entry in my head for a week.

I think I'm kind of done with bandom. Bandom people, I feel sad about this too. I don't want to move on! I'm just not feeling the same way about it anymore. All is not lost, however; there are things I still want to finish. And that brings me to new fandoms. I'm afraid to start writing anything that could become a long story. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. I'm also working on editing the Leighton/Vicky-T story, and I've reached the point where I never want to look at it again. I don't want that to happen with shiny new fandoms! I almost want a break between fandoms, but that's not the way my mind works.

Anyway, as I said, there are things I still want to finish. There are also things that are finished snippets that just need to be posted. Below the cut are a couple of lists of WIPs and snippets - bandom and otherwise - broken into categories. It's mostly for my own reference (and I'll probably keep a copy in my Google Docs to delete things from as I take care of them), but to make it more interesting, let's treat it like a WIP meme: if you ask about any of them, I will tell you something about it, or bump it up to the top of the posting list for things that are finished.

This List Is Longer Than I Thought )

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Ruth Sadelle Alderson

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